


that one nelson mandela quote

by CosmoKid



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Asexual Wells Jaha, Attempt at Humor, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Getting Together, Group chat, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inexplicable Binweevils References, M/M, Murphy is a Little Shit, Mutual Pining, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Texting, Trans Jasper Jordan, Venom References, and a nerd, did you click on this to learn about gloria stuart? no. are you gonna learn about gloria stuart? yes, group projects, outdated memes, pretty much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2019-10-08 13:33:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 40,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17387312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmoKid/pseuds/CosmoKid
Summary: [03:17]jj gaybrahamsguysif the earth is flat, how flat is itare we on a spinning frisbee in spacemicropenis energyjasperistggo the FUCK to sleep





	1. micropenis energy has sent a message to this is so sad, monty play despaYEETo

**Author's Note:**

> idk what this is or why i wrote it but i had the time of my life writing the first chapter
> 
> im just gonna update this sporadically  
> there is a semblance of a plot but i think its mostly gonna be memes
> 
>  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so names:  
> in the despayeeto group  
> MILFer - miller  
> gaylaxy level brain - monty  
> micropenis energy - murphy  
> jj gaybrahams - jasper
> 
>  
> 
> argaydia high,  
> exit pursued by a bearllamy - bellamy  
> fBI - clarke  
> gaygent - lexa  
> our lord and savior mechanicklemore - raven  
> bob roctavia - octavia  
> the happy tree - lincoln
> 
>  
> 
> and eat a cracker and stop,  
> dramatique mechanique - raven  
> le princess - clarke  
> red kween - octavia
> 
>  
> 
> there will be more group chats bc hi im trash

   **t** **his is so sad, monty plays despaYEETo**

 

**[03:17]**

**jj gaybrahams**

guys

if the earth is flat, how flat is it

are we on a spinning frisbee in space

**micropenis energy**

jasper

istg

go the FUCK to sleep

 

**jj gaybrahams**

thats rude you oat my feelies

 

**[03:24]**

**jj gaybrahams**

ik you read that

this gc has RECEIPTS johnathon

**[03:29]**

**micropenis energy**

i hate you

**MILFer**

its half 3am

im too tired to remember these nicknames

i get a notification that says ‘micropenis energy has sent a message to this is so sad, monty play despaYEETo’

i die everytim

also, jasper

wouldnt it be a spinning boomerang in space since it always comes back to where it was before

 

**jj gaybrahamas**

shit u right

i must update my flat earth gc

**MILFer**

*upgayte

**micropenis energy**

istg jasper

youre not in a flat earth gc

 

**jj gaybrahams**

bitch i might be

you dont know me

youre not my REAL dad

**micropenis energy**

you say that like its a bad thing

im HAPPY im not your dad

**MILFer**

but are you his daddy?

thats the real qeusiton

**micropenis energy**

istg miller

_**jj gaybrahams** has set the group chat name to **Arkadia’s Flat Earth Society**_

**micropenis energy**

jasper

STOP

 

**jj gaybrahams**

i will never stop

this is the hill i will die on

_**micropenis energy** sent [attachment thenperish.png]_

**MILFer**

hi 991

i would like to report a murder

 

**jj gaybrahams**

ur meant to be on my side, miller

BETRAYAL

i came onto this gc

as an innocent flat earther

and i have been attacked and betrayed and stabbed in the back by my own side

this is TREASON

**micropenis energy**

who made you the monarch

_**MILFer** has set the nickname of **jj gaybrahams** ’ to **absolute drama queen**_

**micropenis energy**

well.

_**MILFer** has set the nickname of **absolute drama queen** to **absolute drama monarch**_

_**absolute drama monarch** has set the nickname of **absolute drama monarch** to ****FLAT EARTH WILL SURVIVE****_

**micropenis energy**

…

im going to bed

**MILFer**

that sounds like a good idea

 

**FLAT EARTH WILL SURVIVE**

guys

dont go

pls

 

**[04:11]**

**FLAT EARTH WILL SURVIVE**

guys

 

**[07:51]**

**gaylaxy level brain**

What the fuck happened last night?

 

  **[08:04]**

 

 

**FLAT EARTH WILL SURVIVE**

Enlightenment happened last night, Monty.

Enlightenment.

 

**[08:43]**

**micropenis energy**

*bullshit

 

**[10:57]**

**micropenis energy**

can i express with the upmost sincerity how much i hate the fact that im now in a group chat called arkadias flat earth society

 

**FLAT EARTH WILL SURVIVE**

no

**micropenis energy**

jasper, you are the antithesis of whatever good is left in this shit world.

 

**FLAT EARTH WILL SURVIVE**

go float yourself nerd

**micropenis energy**

go float yourself

bitch

**gaylaxy level brain**

Float?

 

**FLAT EARTH WILL SURVIVE**

go jump off of my spinning boomerang and float around in space until you die

**gaylaxy level brain**

Well okay then.

**MILFer**

hey jasper

is mars flat

**micropenis energy**

MILLER

**MILFer**

and if mars is flat

**micropenis energy**

STOP

**MILFer**

how flat is it

**micropenis energy**

STOP ENCOURAGING HIM

 

**FLAT EARTH WILL SURVIVE**

mars has been observed to be round

**gaylaxy level brain**

What?

**micropenis energy**

it is somehow WORSE that you know mars is round

**gaylaxy level brain**

You have broken my brain, Jasper.

I have AP Chemistry next and all I’m gonna be able to think about is how you refer to Earth as a ‘spinning boomerang’, but know that Mars is round.

**MILFer**

i blame murphy

**gaylaxy level brain**

I second that.

**micropenis energy**

HOW IS IT MY FAULT

**MILFer**

youre the one who brought it up

**micropenis energy**

were in a group chat called arkadias flat earth society

it would be brought up eventually

istg i hate you guys so much

**MILFer**

no you don’t

you have no other friends

were all you have

bitch

**micropenis energy**

go float yourself miller

your only other friend is your bitch ass boyfriend

**MILFer**

DONT INSULT BRYAN

I WILL TREK ACROSS THIS STUPIDLY GIGANTIC SCHOOL TO GET TO YOUR AP ENGLISH LANGUAGE CLASS YOU NERD AND SUFFOCATE YOU WITH YOUR COPY OF HAMLET IF YOU INSULT MY BAE AGAIN

**micropenis energy**

“bae”

also

miller

you do shakespeare in english lit not lang

idiot

**gaylaxy level brain**

That’s what you’re going to focus on in that sentence.

**micropenis energy**

yup

 

**FLAT EARTH WILL SURVIVE**

Hi my name is Jasper Dark’ness Dementia Jordan Way and I have short jasper brown hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-neck and earthy brown eyes like stained tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Rodrick from Diary of a Wimpy Kid (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a flat earther but my teeth are gay and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a badass, and I go to a non-believing school called Arkadia High in America where I’m in the eleventh grade (I’m sixteen). I’m bi (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black FOB t-shirt with a matching beanie around it and black skinny jeans, goggles and black converse. I was wearing no lipstick, no foundation, black eyeliner and goggles. I was walking outside Arkadia High. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of non-flat-earthers stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

**micropenis energy**

jasper

no

no

no

**MILFer**

i hate you

**micropenis energy**

no

no

**gaylaxy level brain**

What in tarnation?

**micropenis energy**

no

no

no

no

**MILFer**

do not cite the ancient magic at me

i was there when it was written

**micropenis energy**

no

no

**gaylaxy level brain**

I did not think this group chat could get any worse.

And yet

**micropenis energy**

im done

im putting my phone away and listening to kane

this is what you have done to me jasper jordan

this is your fault

 

 

**[11:38]**  

  **FL** **AT EARTH WILL SURVIVE**

 

 

.- -.-. -.-. --- .-. -.. .. -. --. ··--·· - --- ··--·· .- .-.. .-.. ··--·· -.- -. --- .-- -. ··--·· .-.. .- .-- ... ··--·· --- ..-. ··--·· .- ...- .. .- - .. --- -. ··--·· ··--·· - .... . .-. . ··--·· .. ... ··--·· -. --- ··--·· .-- .- -.-- ··--·· .- ··--·· -... . . ··--·· ... .... --- ..- .-.. -.. ··--·· -... . ··--·· .- -... .-.. . ··--·· - --- ··--·· ..-. .-.. -.-- ··--·· ··--·· .. - ... ··--·· .-- .. -. --. ... ··--·· .- .-. . ··--·· - --- --- ··--·· ... -- .- .-.. .-.. ··--·· - --- ··--·· --. . - ··--·· .. - ... ··--·· ..-. .- - ··--·· .-.. .. - - .-.. . ··--·· -... --- -.. -.-- ··--·· --- ..-. ..-. ··--·· - .... . ··--·· --. .-. --- ..- -. -.. ··--·· ··--·· - .... . ··--·· -... . . ··--·· ··--·· --- ..-. ··--·· -.-. --- ..- .-. ... . ··--·· ··--·· ..-. .-.. .. . ... ··--·· .- -. -.-- .-- .- -.-- ··--·· -... . -.-. .- ..- ... . ··--·· -... . . ... ··--·· -.. --- -. ··--·· - ··--·· -.-. .- .-. . ··--·· .-- .... .- - ··--·· .... ..- -- .- -. ... ··--·· - .... .. -. -.- ··--·· .. ... ··--·· .. -- .--. --- ... ... .. -... .-.. . ··--·· ··--·· -.-- . .-.. .-.. --- .-- ··--·· ··--·· -... .-.. .- -.-. -.- ··--·· ··--·· -.-- . .-.. .-.. --- .-- ··--·· ··--·· -... .-.. .- -.-. -.- ··--·· ··--·· -.-- . .-.. .-.. --- .-- ··--·· ··--·· -... .-.. .- -.-. -.- ··--·· ··--·· -.-- . .-.. .-.. --- .-- ··--·· ··--·· -... .-.. .- -.-. -.- ··--·· ··--·· --- --- .... ··--·· ··--·· -... .-.. .- -.-. -.- ··--·· .- -. -.. ··--·· -.-- . .-.. .-.. --- .-- ··--·· ··--·· ··--·· ··--·· ··--·· ··--··

 **MILFer**

what

the

fuck

 

 **[11:53]**

 **micropenis energy**

i hate you

so much

jasper

fuck you

go float yourself

 **MILFer**

what

what does it mean

 **micropenis energy**

its the bee movie script

but in morse code

 **MILFer**

omfg jasper why

also

the fuck you know morse code for, murphy?

 **micropenis energy**

the fuck you dont know morse code for, miller?

 **MILFer**

that sentence

hurts my eyes

arent you the english nerd

mr ap english language and lit

mr i have a favourite shakespeare play and its not one of the obvious ones

mr my favourite shakespeare play is timonthy of athens

 

 **FLAT EARTH WILL SURVIVE**

DRAG HIM MILLER

 **micropenis energy**

you sent us my immortal and bee movie

stfu

also

its timon of athens you uncultured swine

who doesnt want to isolate themselves from society and go live in a cave

 **MILFer**

cave urchin

 _ **MILFer** has set the nickname of **micropenis energy** to **cave urchin**_

 

 **FLAT EARTH WILL SURVIVE**

excuse me

my immortal is a literary masterpiece stfu

 **MILFer**

“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”

 **cave urchin**

“m y  i m m o r t a l  i s  a  l i t e r a r y  m a s t e r p i e c e”

 

 **FLAT EARTH WILL SURVIVE**

I stand by what I said.

 **MILFer**

“MY IMMORTAL IS A LITERARY MASTERPIECE”

MY

IMMORTAL

 _ **cave urchin** has set the nickname of **FLAT EARTH WILL SURIVVE** to **”my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**_

 **MILFer**

IS

A

LITERARY

MASTERPIECE

 **"my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

 i hate you guys

* * *

 **Argaydia High**

 

 **[12:03]**

 **fBI**

im sat next to his guy and his phone has been lighting up on his desk for like ten minutes now and hes not looking at it

its killing me

hes determinedly not looking at it

what is he avoiding????? i need to know

 **Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

who is it

im invested

 

 **fBI**

monty green

i cant read the notifications from here and i dont want to be creepy and lean in to get a closer look but i need to know so bad

 **exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

dont lean in and look

thats weird

 

 **fBI**

thanks bellamy, i didnt know that

 **exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

ik you clarke

youd look if you could

dont deny it

 

 **fBI**

i hate you

 **exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

doesnt mean im wrong tho

 **Gaygent**

dont insult my wife blake

 

 **fBI**

babe, as much as i appreciate you risking your phone being taken away by byrne to defend me

hes not wrong

 **Gaygent**

ily

 

 **fBI**

ily2

 **Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

ew

also

montys friend with jasper jordan

hes probably texting him

jaspers weird

funny

but weird

 **exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

he could just be in a group chat

you guys are making my phone light up and im determinedly ignoring it

 

 **fBI**

bitch

 **Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

you have a free rn

you have no excuse

 **exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

i know (:

i just hate you guys

 

 **fBI**

BITCH

 **the happy tree**

i agree with bellamy

please stop

 **Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

BETRAYAL

 **exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

raven

stop

 

 **fBI**

you know, montys phone is still lighting up

 **exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

so is mine

hes not special

 **Bob Roctavia**

i think clarke should lean in and look at montys phone

 **the happy tree**

octavia no

 **Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

octavia yes

 **exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

have you guys ever stopped ever

 **Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

do it

do it

do it

 **Bob Roctavia**

do it

do it

 **exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

i hate you guys

 **Bob Roctavia**

do it

 **Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

DO IT

DO IT

 

 **fBI**

imma do it

 **the happy tree**

you know

as a group

we need to not

 **exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

i second that

 

 **fBI**

it said something like cave urchin sent a message to arkadias flat earth society

 **Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

we have a flat earth society?

 **exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

no

no we do not

and if we do

i refuse to acknowledge its existence

 **the happy tree**

well

at least we know its a group chat

even though really we should not know that

because its an invasion of privacy

 **exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

they dont care lincoln

they should

but they dont

 **Our Lord and Savior Mechanicklemore**

youre a bitch bellamy blake

 

 **fBI**

i agree

btw i think monty noticed me looking

he just gave me a weird look

 **the happy tree**

i wonder why

 _ **Bob Roctavia** has set the group chat name to **youre a bitch bellamy blake**_

 **exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

i hate you guys

also

where are we meeting for lunch

 **Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

shit

its nearly lunch

in like five minutes

 **exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

yes well done raven

thats why i asked

 **Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

bitch

 **the happy tree**

outside the art classrooms?

 **exit, pursued a bearllamy**

im cool with that

 **Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

cool

 **Bob Roctavia**

cool

 **Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

cool

 **Bob Roctavia**

cool

 **Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

cool

 

 **fBI**

cool

 **Bob Roctavia**

cool

 **exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

i hate you all

 **Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

wow mood

* * *

 **Eat a cracker and stop**

 

 **[14:43]**

 **Le Princess**

i forgot i had biology with monty and hes still looking at me like im weird

 **Dramatique Mechanique**  
you are weird  
but that doesnt mean you should stare

 **Le Princess**

thanks raven

 **Dramatique Mechanique**

no problem boo :*

 **Red Kween**

why are you sending it in this gc

 

 **Le Princess**

because i dont want bellamy or lincoln to say i told you so

 **Red Kween**

fair

 **Dramatique Mechanique**

pull a power move and stare at him back

try to psychically transfer despacito to him

 **Red Kween**

we love an outdated meme in this gc

 **Dramatique Mechanique**

fuck you octagon

 **Red Kween**

fUcK yOu OcTaGoN

psychically transfer all star

or psychically rickroll him

 **Dramatique Mecanique**

psychrickroll him

 

 **Le Princess**

omg

okay but seriously

i think i weirded him out

 **Red Kween**

dont worry, you have that effect on most people

 

 **Le Princess**

i came out here to have a good time

and im feeling really attacked right now

 **Red Kween**

we love an outdated meme in this gc

 

 **Le Princess**  

fuck you

youre an outdated meme

**Red Kween**

at least ive been funny before

_**Dramatique Mechanique** has set the nickname of **Red Kween** to **An Outdated Meme**_

**An Outdated Meme**

fuck you

**Dramatique Mechanique**

(:

**An Outdated Meme**

we love outdated internet trends in this gc

**Dramatique Mechanique**

genuinely

fuck you

 

**Le Princess**

we still havent solved my monty problem

**An Oudated Meme**

i mean

do we need

to

 

**Le Princess**

octavia

**An Outdated Meme**

listen

either you apologise which involves admitting you looked at his phone which is kinda weird

or you ignore it until the problem goes away

**Dramatique Mechanique**

wow

what a mood

**An Outdated Meme**

what problem is raven talking about today? the brand new game show coming to a gc near you

you still havent talked to finn?

**Dramatique Mechanique**

two months and going strong

 

**Le Princess**

you guys are no help

id ask bellamy for help but im not dealing with his i told you so

ill just ignore the problem

hes not staring at me anymore

which is probably more that hes talking to his friend

but im taking it as progress

**Dramatique Mechanique**

thats my girl

* * *

   **Arkadia’s Flat Earth Society**

 

**[19:27]**

**gaylaxy level brain**

Can we change the group chat name?

Please?

My Mom saw it and she made a point to criticize the Flat Earth Society over dinner.

**cave urchin**

ashffwfownerveernjvnjn

monty

i love your mom

 

**gaylaxy level brain**

Yeah, well, she doesn’t love you.

**cave urchin**

yeah ik

do you not remember last time i came to your house

and she pulled me aside and told me that people like me would be a bad influence lmao

 

**gaylaxy level brain**

I’m sorry about that btw

Dad convinced her to apologise later if it makes it any better.

She didn’t because she couldn’t get into contact with your Mom and wanted to do it that way but you know, the thought is there.

**cave urchin**

lmao she could have just called the parole officer

but seriously

its fine monty

im not upset

and also

i second the vote to change the gc name

**MILFer**

i third it

**cave urchin**

“i third it”

**MILFer**

murphy

fuck off

im on your side

lets change it before jasper gets on here

 

**gaylaxy level brain**

What to?

_**cave urchin** has set the group chat name to ****”i third it”****_

**cave urchin ******

that.

**MILFer**

thanks murphy

 

**gaylaxy level brain**

SHE JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH A DOCUMENTARY TITLED “FLAT EARTH: DEBUNKED”

I CAN’T

**cave urchin**

asfjfjsfevejrfej

**MILFer**

your mom is the definition of extra

**cave urchin**

the apotheosis of extra, you could say

**MILFer**

stfu lit nerd

**cave urchin**

“stfu lit nerd”

just because im gonna pass ap english literature and youre not doesnt mean you should insult me miller

**MILFer**

go float yourself

im not the nerd who takes ap english lit

**cave urchin**

are you gonna pass regular english lit tho

**MILFer**

fuk u

float urself

 

**gaylaxy level brain**

So we’re actually gonna keep using that float thing?

**cave urchin**

apparently so

**MILFer**

dont you have flat earth documentaries to watch

 

**gaylaxy level brain**

Float yourself, Miller.

**”my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

the floaters will take over

**MILFer**

wat

_**”my immortal is a literary masterpiece”** has set the group chat name to **The Floaty Bois**_

**cave urchin**

i hate everything about this.

 

**gaylaxy level brain**

You know what? I do have some Flat Earth Documentaries to watch.

I’m officially done with this gc.


	2. calm up there javert was 100% funnier but go off i guess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> murphy is a nerd and theres a semblance of a plot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so at the beginning of the chapter, the names in the group chat are:
> 
> floaty bois:  
> cave urchin - murphy  
> gaylaxy level brain - monty  
> "my immortal is a literary masterpiece" - jasper  
> MILFer - miller
> 
> and youre a bitch bellamy blake:  
> exit, pursued by a bearllamy - bellamy  
> bob roctavia - octavia  
> the happy tree - lincoln  
> fBI - clarke  
> gaygent - lexa  
> our lord and savior mechanicklemore - raven

 

**The Floaty Bois**

**[08:12]**

**cave urchin**

day two of this name

i still cant stand it

how long until we can change it w/o jasper changing it back

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

never

we are the floaty bois and we cannot change that

we must accept it

for we cannot change out fate

 

**cave urchin**

okay calm down francis galton

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

the float is francis galton?

 

**cave urchin**

“the float”

darwins cousin

he didnt believe in free will

**MILFer**

nerd

**gaylaxy level brain**

Galton actually believed our ability to choose our fate was down to our biology.

**MILFer**

nerd

im friends with a bunch of nerds

 

**cave urchin**

can we change the name to that

the floaty bois sounds like a porn parody of a sixties boy band

**MILFer**

lmao

id change the gc name to that if montys mom wasnt so extra that shed give a lecture on porn to him and probably tell our parents to give us one too

_**cave urchin** has set the group chat name to **a porn parody of a sixties boy band**_

 

**cave urchin**

jokes on you my moms back in prison

**MILFer**

your foster parents arent

_**cave urchin** has set the group chat name to **a parody of a sixties boy band**_

 

**cave urchin**

there

_**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”** has set the group chat name to **THE FLOATY BOIS**_

 

**cave urchin**

i swear to fUCK

**gaylaxy level brain**

This group chat makes me question my own existence on a regular basis.

Like

Is this the meaning of life? To spend my days with people like this? Is there any point? Was Galton right? Did I end up with unlucky biology?

Is God dead? Can they hear me? Give me a sign please

**MILFer**

Hey, Assbut!

**gaylaxy level brain**

No.

 

**cave urchin**

i will block you

**MILFer**

weve already established that you have no other friends

 

**cave urchin**

i would prefer to be forever alone than have to ever hear a reference to supernatural again

lets not forget that my sexuality crisis was practically entirely based around jared padaleckis hair

i have spent too much time with that show, i never need to see it again.

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

mine was brendon urie

**MILFer**

wait

jonathon

who else was your sexuality crisis based around

other than moose

 

**cave urchin**

stop making spn references Nathan

and it was billy loomis from scream

**gaylaxy level brain**

Isn’t he one of the killers?

 

**cave urchin**

yeah

**MILFer**

lmao murphy, yall are kinky

 

**cave urchin**

why are you saying ‘yall’, im not a plural

**gaylaxy level brain**

There’s a part of me that has to ask why out of everything in that sentence, you respond to the incorrect use of grammar, but I know that part will never get a coherent answer.

 

**cave urchin**

monty, dude, save your existential crisis until at least three in the afternoon.

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

yeah

at least until its nine in the afternoon

 

**cave urchin**

no.

**MILFer**

CAUSE ITS NINE IN THE AFTERNOON

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece"**

AND YOUR EYES ARE THE SIZE OF THE MOON

 

**cave urchin**

no

**MILFer**

YOU COULD CAUSE YOU CAN SO YOU DO

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

WERE FEELING SO GOOD

**gaylaxy level brain**

I hate you all.

 

**cave urchin**

mood

 

**[10:21]**

**cave urchin**

pikes class genuinely makes me want to enchant myself with wine and entomb myself so i can starve to death

**gaylaxy level brain**

Calm down, Eddy.

It’s not that bad.

**MILFer**

eddy?

also, you both took physics

what did you expect

**gaylaxy level brain**

Edgar Allan Poe

**MILFer**

nerd

 

**cave urchin**

to not feel like im being lectured at by a tyrannical dictator whos testing his luck with a school before running for senate

**MILFer**

you give the weirdest analogies murphy

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

hes right tho

i had pike for physics last year and that describes the experience of his classes perfectly

 

**cave urchin**

i hate that the person agreeing with me is the one who named this group floaty bois

im questioning my own opinion rn

**MILFer**

jasper

youve officially broken murphy

well done

 

**cave urchin**

fuck you miller

**gaylaxy level brain**

Murphy, get off your phone.

**MILFer**

youre literally on your phone in the same class monty

**gaylaxy level brain**

Yeah, but Pike’s not staring directly at me.

 

 

**[10:46]**

**cave urchin**

i hate group projects so much

they always suck

and if you actually need to get a good grade, you always end up having to do all of the work

because there are people

like me in freshman year

who never do their part

its the assassination of julius caesar all over again

**MILFer**

okay one

the way you wrote that makes it sound like you were then when caesar was stabbed

which you werent because your bitch ass would have been slaughtered in ancient rome

and two

how the fuck did i think you were straight when we first met

you are the most dramatic person i have ever met

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

dont say it

**MILFer**

an overdramatic twink, if you will

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

fuck

 

**cave urchin**

fuck you

bryans jawline is enough to know youre the twink in the relationship you useless emo dullard

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

“emo dullard”

asfjfjgjgejg

im dead

**gaylaxy level brain**

Are you all done being dramatic gays yet?

Murphy, Pike hasn’t even announced the groups or group size yet, it might not be that bad

 

**cave urchin**

…

what kind of optimistic gen z are you?

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

generations are social constructs, murphy

stop limiting yourself within supposed boundaries that society places on us

 

**cave urchin**

jasper

you spent three months identifying only as your mbti type

dont lecture me on supposed boundaries and social constructs

**MILFer**

savage

**gaylaxy level brains**

Who the fucks says savage anymore?

 

**cave urchin**

nathan clearly.

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

savage

**MILFer**

go float yourself

**gaylaxy level brains**

I have no idea if you’re listening or not, Murphy, but Pike is announcing the groups rn

 

* * *

 

**[11:25]**

_**Raven Reyes** has created **SPACE SQUAD** with **Bellamy Blake, Emori D’Oliveira, Echo Teles, John Murphy, Monty Green, and Harper McIntyre**_

**Bellamy Blake**

space squad?

really

 

**Raven Reyes**

astrophysics project

therefore

SPACE SQUAD

 **Raven Reyes** has set her nickname to **memelord**

**John Murphy**

im not worshipping at your altar of memes

who made you a god

**Bellamy Blake**

^^^^

 

**Raven Reyes**

fine.

_**memelord** has set her nickname to **democratically elected meme representative**_

**Bellamy Blake**

what was democratic about that?????

_**Monty Green** has set the nickname of **John Murphy** to **Jehovah’s Potato**_

**Jehovah’s Potato**

monty istg

_**Jehovah’s Potato** has set the nickname of **Monty Green** to **lets get this astrobread**_

**lets get this astrobread**

We’re still doing this? We’re still doing the bread thing?

**Jehovah’s Potato**

you still want the bread?

**lets get this astrobread**

I never wanted the bread

**Jehovah’s Potato**

then why did you tell us to get the bread?

**Echo Teles**

why are you so obsessed with bread

**Jehovah’s Potato**

woah calm down there javert

 

**democratically elected meme representative**

im confused but

_**democratically elected meme representative** has set the nickname of **Echo Teles** to **woah calm down there javert**_

**lets get this astrobread**

One, that doesn’t even really make sense, Murphy. Smh fake fan.

Two, you’re cheating on Will and Tim rn

**Jehovah’s Potato**

go float yourself

**Harper McIntyre**

this entire exchange is in english and yet i feel like im reading in a foreign language.

**Bellamy Blake**

thats uncannily accurate

 

**democratically elected meme representative**

whos tim????????

**lets get this astrobread**

He’s from Athens

**Jehovah’s Potato**

monty istg

ik where you live

**lets get this astrobread**

Jokes on you, my moms making us watch anti-flat-earth documentaries tonight.

**Emori D’Oliveira**

Your moms making you do what?

**Jehovah’s Potato**

watch anti-flat-earth documentaries keep up

montys secretly a flat-earther, him and jasper started a cult

**lets get this astrobread**

I swear to fuck Murphy

Don’t test me

I have so much shit on you that’s actually true

Plus Jasper’s not a flat-earther, he’s a boomerang-earther

 

**democratically elected meme representative**

“boomergang-earther”

also what shit do you have on murphy

**Jehovah’s Potato**

dont think about it monty

ill send your mom screenshots of the porn parody of a sixties boyband

**woah calm down there javert**

did i miss something

is this meant to make sense

 

**democratically elected meme representative**

i wanna know what a porn parody of a sixties boyband looks like

send me the screenshots

**Bellamy Blake**

are we all just gonna skip past “boomerang-earther”

like no further comment at all?

BOOMERANG-EARTHER

**Jehovah’s Potato**

calm down dude, no need to go from meme to extreme

 

**democratically elected meme representative**

asfjgjkjevfkrfkvfnnd meme to extreme

murphy youre my new favorite person

_**democratically elected meme representative** set the nickname of **Bellamy Blake** to **meme to extreme**_

**Harper McIntyre**

we should do our project on boomerang earth to piss pike off

like make it good and shit but so fucking inaccurate that his head explodes and we dont have to have his lessons anymore

**Jehovah’s Potato**

woah harper tell us how you really feel

but seriously

does anyone actually like pike

or are we all part of the pike hate squad

 

**democratically elected meme representative**

youre actually killing me

pike hate squad

_**lets get this astrobread** has set the nickname of **Harper McIntyre** to **PIKE HATE SQUAD**_

**Emori D’Oliveira**

he doesnt believe pluto is a planet

**lets get this astrobread**

BLASPHEMY

 

**democratically elected meme representative**

BITCH

PLUTO IS A PLANET FIGHT ME PIKE

**Emori D’Oliveira**

VIVA LA PLUTO

_**lets get this astrobread** has set the nickname of **Emori D’Oliveira** to **VIVA LA PLUTO**_

**woah calm down javert**

now that weve all got nicknames, can we choose a topic for the project

i have football practice in ten minutes

**Jehovah’s Potato**

woah calm up there javert

**lets get this astrobread**

“calm up”

**Jehovah’s Potato**

go float yourself mr i need to correct everything

mr i need to make sure francis galton is portrayed correctly

mr overcorrect everything yet has an existential crisis at 8 in the morning

well guess what monty?

last night

i overcorrected your mom

**lets get this astrobread**

My mom hates you.

**Jehovah’s Astrobread**

ik

but not more than my own mom hates me so ya know

**lets get this astrobread**

If I have to postpone my existential crisis until three in the afternoon, you need to postpone your traumatic jokes until at least four.

**Jehovah’s Potato**

lmao fair

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

i genuinely feel like im reading in a foreign language rn

**Jehovah’s Potato**

lmao fair

 

* * *

 

**THE FLOATY BOIS**

**[11:58]**

**cave urchin**

you know

bellamy blake is kinda cute

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

cute like in a be my valentine way

or cute like in a fuck me up daddy way

**gaylaxy level brain**

Jasper

WHY

 

**cave urchin**

a mixture of both kind of

**MILFer**

and you say youre not a twink

 

**cave urchin**

fuck you miller

youre the one who gets hit on in every gay bar ever

**MILFer**

yeah but thats because im cute

you have a weird nose

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece**

i mean

not to disagree

but twinks get hit on in gay bars

**gaylaxy level brain**

Jasper

Stop encouraging this

I refuse to be part of a repeat of the Great Twink War of 2016

 

**cave urchin**

thank you jasper

also, my weird nose is the reason im not a twink

twinks are cute

**MILFer**

they dont have to be

they just have to be really good at sucking dick

**gaylaxy level brain**

I hate you all

 

**cave urchin**

is that why bryans dating you?

**MILFer**

okay but fuck you in particular murphy

 

**cave urchin**

lmao

dont think bryan would be cool with that

dont want to upset daddy, do you?

**gaylaxy level brain**

WHY AM I FRIENDS WITH YOU PEOPLE?

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

this would be super awkward if bryan and miller actually had a daddy kink

**gaylaxy level brain**

Stop making me imagine my friend having a daddy kink

**MILFer**

jonathon

would you call bellamy daddy

 

**cave urchin**

i mean

if he asked me to

i wouldnt be opposed

id probably hate it but if it gets me laid

**gaylaxy level brain**

Murphy

Please stop

We have to do a group project with him

I do not need to imagine you calling him Daddy while we work on astrophysics

**MILFer**

lmao

_**MILFer** has set the group chat name to **the b in lgbt stands for (daddy) blake**_

**gaylaxy level brain**

I’m so fucking done

 

**cave urchin**

excuse me

this is babadook erasure

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

maybe the babadook likes to be called daddy sometimes

you dont know his life

 

**cave urchin**

babadaddy if you will

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

omg

**gaylaxy level brain**

I hate you so fucking much

_**MILFer** has set the group chat name to **the b in lgbt stands for babadaddy**_

**gaylaxy level brain**

Miller no

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

miller yes

_**gaylaxy level brain** has set the group chat name to **babafuck off**_

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

omg

also

we havent actually talked about murphys crush on bellamy blake

 

**cave urchin**

i dont have a crush on bellamy

i just kinda wanna suck his dick a little

**MILFer**

does the little refer to how much youd suck his dick or your desire to do so

**gaylaxy level brain**

Why does every conversation we have end up like this?

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

because we have no choice

free will is an illusion

our fates are sealed

 

**cave urchin**

lmao calm down francis

**MILFer**

yeah calm down ajax

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

you calm down

comic geek man

 

**cave urchin**

comic geek man is my favorite superhero

**gaylaxy level brain**

na na na na na na na comic geek man

Also

We still going Wendy’s for lunch?

Me and Murphy are outside your classroom, Jasper

**MILFer**

why not mine

am i not good enough for you

 

**cave urchin**

calm down comic geek man

youre on the other side of this giant ass school

come to us

**MILFer**

bitch

omw

_**cave urchin** has set the nickname of **MILFer** to **comic geek man**_

**comic geek man**

bitch ass floater

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

FLOATERS WILL SURVIVE

 

**cave urchin**

calm the fuck down deucalion

**gaylaxy level brain**

You know

For someone who acts like he doesn’t give a fuck

You’re such a fucking nerd, Murphy

Literally anyone else would have made a Noah’s Ark joke not a fucking flood from Greek mythology joke

 

**cave urchin**

literally anyone else is a bitch then

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

rude

also

miller hurry up

**comic geek man**

im queer

im nearly here

and i want beer

but ill settle for wendys

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

hurrrrrry

 

* * *

 

**youre a bitch bellamy blake**

**[13:41]**

**Our Lord and Savior Mechanicklemore**

you know

i said that jasper was weird

but monty is really fucking weird as well

and his friend murphy is the weirdest fucking person ever im adopting him

**Bob Roctavia**

if youre both underage, isnt it kidnapping

 

**Our Lord and Savior Mechanicklemore**

shhhhh

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

boomerang-earth

**the happy tree**

boomerang-earth?

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

boomerang-earth

**Bob Roctavia**

boomerang-earth will not be your always with my boyfriend bellamy

**gaygent**

wtf is boomerang-earth

 

**Our Lord and Savior Mechanicklemore**

jaspers not a flat-earther, hes a boomerang-earther

**gaygent**

wtf is a boomerang-earther

 

**Our Lord and Savior Mechanicklemore**

we never found out

murphy called bellamy meme to extreme and then we got distracted by how much we all hate pike

**fBI**

asjfghfdgnvskvj

meme to extreme

can i adopt murphy too

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

calm up there javert was 100% funnier but go off i guess

 

**Our Lord and Savior Mechanicklemore**

this is last night i overcorrected your mom erasure and i wont stand for it

**Bob Roctavia**

is this guy just a walking meme

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

yes

**gaygent**

is he cute

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

youre a lesbian with a girlfriend, lexa

but yes

 

**Our Lord and Savior Mechanicklemore**

but in like a lizard kind of way

**the happy tree**

“in like a lizard kind of way”

**fBI**

are we all just gonna ignore the fact that ma boi bearllamy just admitted he finds lizard-looking cutie cute

**the happy tree**

“lizard-looking cutie cute”

**fBI**

fuk you lincoln

**the happy tree**

“ma boi bearllamy”

**fBI**

fuk you lincoln

but

seriously

bellamy just admitted he found someone cute

are we just ignoring that

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

please do

**Bob Roctavia**

i ship it

**gaygent**

MURPHAMY

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

please stop

**the happy tree**

they never stop bellamy

**fBI**

MURPHY AND BELLAMY SITTING IN A TREE

**Bob Roctavia**

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

 

**Our Lord and Savior Mechanicklemore**

DOING SOMETHING THEY SHOULDNT BE

**gaygent**

IT STARTS WITH S

**Bob Roctavia**

okay but please stop now

**fBI**

AND ENDS WITH X

**Bob Roctavia**

thats my brother

 

**Our Lord and Savior Mechanicklemore**

OH MY GOD THEYRE HAVING SEX

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

i fucking hate you all

**Bob Roctavia**

wow mood

**the happy tree**

have you guys ever stopped ever

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

no

no they havent lincoln

 

**Our Lord and Savior Mechanicklemore**

youre a bitch bellamy blake

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

fuck you raven

youre not my democratically elected meme representative

**gaygent**

hey clarke

your friends are weird

**fBI**

ik

ill introduce you to wells eventually

hes vaguely normal

**the happy tree**

the implication that im less normal than clarke is offensive

**fBI**

youre a tree lincoln

stfu

**Bob Roctavia**

that implies im fucking a tree

im not

 

**Our Lord and Savior Mechanicklemore**

but do you climb lincoln like a tree

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

i hate this gc so fucking much

do we have to talk about their sex life

**gaygent**

i agree

theyre a straight couple

we should talk about me and clarkes sex life instead

its much more interesting

**Bob Roctavia**

BITCH

**fBI**

ily babe

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

i hate you all

**fBI**

just because youre not getting it in with murphy doesnt mean you can be bitter about me and lexas explosive sex life

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

clarke

please stop

**fBI**

i will never stop

 

**Our Lord and Savior Mechanicklemore**

clarke said GAY RIGHTS

side note, theres a cute girl in my class and were about to do a paired projects so imma ignore you losers so i can flirt with her

**the happy tree**

wow tell us how you really feel raven

**fBI**

i think bellamy should be this direct with his little lizard lover

**the happy tree**

“little lizard lover”

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

i literally said he was cute and literally nothing else

 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

dw bell, your secret is safe with us

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

genuinely fuck you all

**the happy tree**

fair

 

* * *

 

**babafuck off**

**[18:04]**

**cave urchin**

hey monty?

**gaylaxy level brain**

Yeah?

 

**cave urchin**

the fuck did we choose this topic

i did not sign up to do biology during this physics project

**gaylaxy level brain**

Well

You did

Plus, isn’t it more interesting to debate the potential existence of life on a moon than to analyse moon rock?

 

**cave urchin**

it was until i had to do biology

**gaylaxy level brain**

Just pretend you don’t get any of it and get Bellamy to do it all

**comic geek man**

wait

youre working with your daddy on this?

youre a lucky twink

 

**cave urchin**

miller

fuck you

**comic geek man**

float yourself bitch man

 

**cave urchin**

bitch man is my favorite superman

**gaylaxy level brain**

Do you guys ever stop?

 

**[23:47]**

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

guys

if you take a rock from the moon

and put it on earth

and have sex on top of it

did you have sex on the moon

**gaylaxy level brain**

Jasper

What the fuck?

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

it’s a genuine question

 

**cave urchin**

its debatable

there was an intern at nasa who stole moon rock in 2002 and had sex with his girlfriend amongst them on the bed

his name was thad

**comic geek man**

youre genuinely such a fucking nerd murphy wtf

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

thad is life goals

 

**cave urchin**

thad was straight

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

nm

**comic geek man**

“thad was straight”

is thad no longer straight or is he dead

did nasa kill him??????????

NASA CONSPIRACY

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

nasa did 9/11

**gaylaxy level brain**

We’re all going to hell.

 

**cave urchin**

yeah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the nasa intern moon rock thing is true btw


	3. tell your mom that insomnia dont wait for nobody

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gc names at beginning of chapter:
> 
> babafuck off:  
> gaylaxy level brain - monty  
> comic geek man - miller  
> "my immortal is a literary masterpiece" - jasper  
> cave urchin - murphy
> 
>  
> 
> space squad:  
> meme to extreme - bellamy  
> jehovahs potato - murphy  
> lets get this astrobread - monty  
> pike hate squad - harper  
> viva la pluto - emori  
> woah calm down there javert - echo  
> democratically elected meme representative - raven
> 
> eat a cracker and stop:  
> an outdated meme - octavia  
> dramatique mechanique - raven  
> le princess - clarke

 

**SPACE SQUAD**

**[01:03]**

**democratically elected meme representative**

yo

has anyone done the homework

**meme to extreme**

“yo”

**democratically elected meme representative**

youre a bitch bellamy blake

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

its 1am

why are you asking this now

**lets get this astrobread**

^^^

**Jehovah’s Potato**

the fuck are you awake rn monty

you have the sleep schedule of my grandma

**lets get this astrobread**

Your Grandma’s dead

**Jehovah’s Potato**

and yet you still have a healthier sleep schedule than her

**meme to extreme**

how did you manage to make “you have a healthy sleep schedule” an insult through text

**lets get this astrobread**

Because that’s his only talent

**Jehovah’s Potato**

lmao true

**democratically elected meme representative**

not that im not here for this dragging of murphy

but seriousy

has anyone done the homework

**meme to extreme**

why did you wait until the night before its due to ask

**democratically elected meme representative**

stfu bearllamy

has anyone done it

**Jehovah’s Potato**

lmao no

who does homework

**lets get this astrobread**

Hey Murphy

Do you remember that time you wrote an extra ten pages for an essay in your English class?

**Jehovah’s Potato**

hey monty

why dont you stfu

**lets get this astrobread**

Make me

**Jehovah’s Potato**

do you want me to text jasper and ask him if the sun is flat

because i will

**lets get this astrobread**

Miller would kill you if you did

**Jehovah’s Potato**

lmao whats that useless emo dullard gonna do

panic the disco at me?

**democratically elected meme representative**

you guys are the worst

**lets get this astrobread**

That’s fair

 

* * *

 

**babafuck off**

**[01:13]**

**cave urchin**

hey jasper

is the sun flat

**gaylaxy level brain**

Murphy

I will purposefully fail this physics project

**cave urchin**

no you wont

youre not gonna risk your mom making you watch a documentary on the importance of group projects

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

the sun is made of fire

fire cant be flat

**comic geek man**

since when are you a fire expert

what even is fire anyway

like solid liquid or gas

**cave urchin**

i reckon its definitely a solid liquid

like such a solid liquid

**comic geek man**

go float urself

**cave urchin**

whos urself

**comic geek man**

youre literally the worst person

also

physics nerds

is fire a solid, liquid or gas

**gaylaxy level brain**

It’s a chemical reaction more than anything

But I think you’d probably class it as a gas

**comic geek man**

so the sun is just a ball of gas in the sky?

**gaylaxy level brain**

Pretty much yeah

**cave urchin**

excuse me

we havent established that the sun is round yet

 _@“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”_?

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

a gas cannot inherently be in the shape of a ball so therefore, the sun is not round

**comic geek man**

so the sun is neither flat nor round????

**gaylaxy level brain**

What if that gas is affected by gravity though Jasper?

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

dont be silly monty

gravity doesnt exist

**cave urchin**

asfjfjdfsiopsf jasper what

**comic geek man**

new hot take: gravity doesnt exist

**gaylaxy level brain**

Jasper

Please

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

monty, my pal, my friend, listen to this widosm

**cave urchin**

i already love this

**gaylaxy level brain**

I don’t

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

in science, you use the hypothetico-deductive model. you dont try to prove your theory, you try to disprove it. if you cant disprove it, you accept your theory to be true. we cant accept gravity as real because airplanes and birds exist.

**comic geek man**

you know

that logic is solid

**cave urchin**

is it solid liquid tho

**comic geek man**

fuck you jonathon

**gaylaxy level brain**

It’s not solid logic or solid liquid logic though?

Laws of aviation exist for a reason

**cave urchin**

monty no

**comic geek man**

hoe dont do it

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

according to all known laws of aviation

there is no way that a bee should be able to fly

**comic geek man**

fuck

**“my immortal is a literary masterepiece”**

its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground

**cave urchin**

this is you fault monty

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

the bee

of course

flies anyways

because bees dont care what humans think is impossible

side note

the bee movie is evidence that gravity doesnt exist

**gaylaxy level brain**

Why do I even bother???????

**cave urchin**

jasper

do you genuinely know the bee movie off the top of your head

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

you dont?

**gaylaxy level brain**

@death

Take me now

Please

**cave urchin**

mood tho

**comic geek man**

this here?

this is why all of yall are single

**cave urchin**

nope

its because were not twinks

**comic geek man**

BITCH

**gaylaxy level brain**

Do you ever stop

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

guys come on

lets be real

every single of one of us

ALL OF US

is a twink

**comic geek man**

you know what?

**cave urchin**

lmao okay gravity denier

**comic geek man**

ill accept that

**gaylaxy level brain**

Hi, this is Monty’s Mother. It’s highly inappropriate for you boys to be texting at this time at night. It is a school night and it’s imperative that every teenager has a healthy amount of sleep which is at least eight hours at night. I’d advise you to put your phones down now and go to sleep. I don’t want to have to inform your parents of this.

**comic geek man**

im sorry mrs green

**gaylaxy level brain**

Thank you, Mr Miller

Goodnight

 

 

**[07:37]**

**gaylaxy level brain**

Omfg I’m sorry

Genuinely did not think she’d do that.

 

 

 

  

**[08:12]**

**cave urchin**

lmao dw monty

tell your mom that insomnia dont wait for nobody

_**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”** sent [attachment stopgetsomehelp.jpeg]_

**cave urchin**

lmao fair

 

* * *

 

Eat a cracker and stop

 

**[09:17]**

**Dramatique Mechanique**

octagon

your brother is a dick

**An Outdated Meme**

why

**Le Princess**

what did the bear do this tiem

**An Outdated Meme**

pls dont call him that

my brain does not need the connotations

**Dramatique Mechanique**

he refuses to help me with my physics hw

its due in like half an hour

 

* * *

 

 

**To: Bearllamy**

**Clarke Griffin**

**[09:19]**

youre a bitch beallmy blake

**Bearllamy**

im not even going to ask

 

* * *

 

**Eat a cracker and stop**

 

**[09:20]**

_**Le Princess** sent [attachment screenshot27.png]_

**Dramatique Mechanique**

he doesnt need to ask! he knows!

**An Outdated Meme**

_@Dramatique Mechanique_ did he refuse to help you or refuse to let you copy his answers

**Dramatique Mechanique**

im not taking any further questions

**An Outdated Meme**

lmao i agree with bell then

**Le Princess**

how rude

**Dramatique Mechanique**

what is this blasphemy

this is some oedipus shit right here

**Le Princess**

savage

**An Outdated Meme**

…

you know that oedipus is specifically mother-son right?

bells my brother not my son

**Dramatique Mechanique**

wut

is it not just family thing

what

whats it called when its father-daughter then

**An Outdated Meme**

elektra complex

**Dramatique Mechanique**

wow

**Le Princess**

you learn something new everyday

_**An Outdated Meme** sent [Attachment youtried.png]_

**Dramatique Mechanique**

bitch

_**Dramatique Mechanique** set the group chat name to **You’re a bitch Octavia Blake**_

**An Outdated Meme**

…

**Le Princess**

raven really out here giving us cinematic parallels

**Dramatique Mechanique**

i gochu babe :*

 

* * *

 

**To John Murphy**

**Bellamy Blake**

**[17:01]**

Hey

I was thinking we should organise a time to work on the project?

**[17:17]**

**John Murphy**

that sounds good

im free like any time pretty much

cant do it at my place tho, my foster parents dont like us having people round

**Bellamy Blake**

Okay

We could do tomorrow after school? Meet in the library?

**John Murphy**

thats cool

**Bellamy Blake**

see you tomorrow then

**John Murphy**

its a date

 

* * *

 

**babafuck off**

 

**[17:23]**

**cave urchin**

guys

i fUCKED up

**comic geek man**

lmao what did you do

**cave urchin**

me and bellamy were organising a time to work on the project and after spending like twenty seconds deciding whether or not saying “having friends round” was too forward, i fucking put “its a date then”

**comic geek man**

and you say youre not a twink

**cave urchin**

fuck you miller

im having a crisis and youre no help

**comic geek man**

murphy

youre just a dramatic gay, dw youll be fine in like ten minutes

no need to panic at the disco

 

 

 

**[17:39]**

**cave urchin**

i hate you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look plot!!!


	4. get your amphibians away from my reptiles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lizards, gay and plot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> names have not changed from last time which is new

**babafuck off**

**[07:41]**

**comic geek man**

yo my beets, how is everyone doing this fine ass morning

**cave urchin**

part of me doesnt want to reply at all because of how you started that sentence

**gaylaxy level brain**

That’s a mood.

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

yeehaw my root, i want to fling myself off a cliff!!

**cave urchin**

this chat gets worse and worse everyday

 _@comic geek man_ why is your message even remotely happy

its far too early to be happy

**comic geek man**

its a fine ass morning i have the right to be happy you dullard

**cave urchin**

…

**gaylaxy level brain**

He’s meeting up with Bryan for coffee after school

**cave urchin**

the reminder that you get to see your boyrfriend later makes you happy in the morning?

thats disgustingly cute

**comic geek man**

youre just disgustingly single

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

wiat

so both murphy and miller have dates today?

**gaylaxy level brain**

They do?

**cave urchin**

no.

wtf are you talking about jasper

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

you and bellamy!

dont tell me you forgot

**cave urchin**

were working on a project

well be sat there putting together powerpoint slides on what caused life to develop on earth

**comic geek man**

how romantic

ancient languages is always quiet in the library if you need some privacy if you know what i mean

**cave urchin**

why

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

youre the one who said you wanted to suck his dick a little

**cave urchin**

well yeah

but you wait for at least the second study session to put his dick in your mouth

**“my immortal is a literary masterepice”**

what base is that

**gaylaxy level brain**

I really don’t need to know when you’re gonna suck Bellamy’s dick, Murphy

Please get your part done though

I’m not failing because you wanted to get in Bellamy’s pants

**comic geek man**

i love you monty

just feel like i should tell you

**cave urchin**

what about the rest of us

are we not good enough for your standards

**comic geek man**

no

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

thats fair

**cave urchin**

fuck you miller, me and jasper are great

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

were really not tho

**cave urchin**

i mean

true

but were good enough for miller

**comic geek man**

source??????

**cave urchin**

me

youre not good enough for me

hence, inversely

im good enough for you

**comic geek man**

youre really not but go off i guess

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

lbr here

none of us are good enough for monty

**cave urchin**

yeah

**comic geek man**

thats fair

youd have to be like a fucking superhero to be good enough for monty

**cave urchin**

blessed by at least three gods

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

no one will ever be good enough for our monty

**gaylaxy level brain**

Thanks?

**comic geek man**

we love you bae

**cave urchin**

id normally be like “bae” but its kind of a mood

 

* * *

 

**From Bellamy Blake**

**[10:33]**

We still on for today?

**[10:45]**

**John Murphy**

yeah

**Bellamy Blake**

cool :)

 

* * *

 

**To: Klark**

**Bellamy Blake**

**[10:52]**

okay so you know that murphy guy

**Klark**

the lizardly cute one youre destined to marry???

**Bellamy Blake**

…

yes him

you know how i said he was cute?

i still think hes cute and were working on the project after school today and i still think hes cute

**Klark**

is the bellamy blake way of saying you have a crush

**Bellamy Blake**

its not a crush

it could become one though

**Klark**

do you want it to become one

**Bellamy Blake**

idk

he seems nice i guess

**Klark**

youre terrible at this

do you not know your own feelings at all

**Bellamy Blake**

no

**Klark**

well

just follow your heart i guess? thats how i ended up with lexa

i dont really know what to say bell. youre smart and you normally make good decisions, im sure if you just follow your instincts you wont fuck up too bad

**Bellamy Blake**

thanks?

**Klark**

youre welcome boo

 

* * *

 

**babafuck off**

 

**[13:17]**

**comic geek man**

do you think bryan would be annoyed if i asked him to skip class and go out early

**cave urchin**

theres literally 2 hours and 13 minutes left

youre weak miller

**comic geek man**

look

my pal

im a simple gay

i need my boyfriend

i havent seen him in a week

**cave urchin**

a week??!

god how did you survive miller

my heart aches for you

you have my sorrows

theres a bouquet of flowers in the mail for you

im sure i can find a shoulder for you to cry on

**comic geek man**

i hate you man

**gaylaxy level brain**

You’ll find ‘a shoulder’

What do you mean? Like just a shoulder or a shoulder with someone attached?

**cave urchin**

idk mont, whatever miller wants

**comic geek man**

better friends

**gaylaxy level brain**

Rude

**comic geek man**

not you monty, youre great

**gaylaxy level brain**

Good.

**cave urchin**

excuse me

what is this

drag me and jasper today?

why arent we good enough friends

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

yeah, float you miller

**cave urchin**

jasper

youre really not helping our case here

AT LEAST say go float yourself

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

*yeah, go gloat yourself miller

*fleese

fuck

**comic geek man**

you know

literally no one has answered my question

**cave urchin**

thats because its a stupid question

bryan would be pissed if you made him cut class

he likes school, remember?

**gaylaxy level brain**

You’re literally the biggest literary nerd I’ve ever met, but go off I guess

**cave urchin**

let me have my cool moments, monty

**comic geek man**

i actually love you guys so much

i need to just tell you, youre all pretty great and i love you

**cave urchin**

you get so sappy when youre excited to see bryan miller

its kind of disgusting

but i love you too

all of you

**gaylaxy level brain**

Love you too <3

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

I LOVE YOU ALL

**cave urchin**

youre so fucking dramatic jasper omg

**comic geek man**

its why we love him

**cave urchin**

true

**gaylaxy level brain  
**

True

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

JINX

**cave urchin**

are we still saying jinx? is that still a thing?

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

I HAVE NO IDEA

BUT MY CAPS LOCK IS STUCK

HELP

I LOOK REALLY PANICKED BUT IM NOT

**cave urchin**

ashfuhdsfhvhhrhsihhov jasper

**comic geek man**

i cannot with you jasper

genuinely cannot

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

PLEASE HELP ME HOW DO I STOP THIS

I JUST FEEL ANGRY

IM NOT ANGRY

BUT IM TYPING IN FULL CAPS

**cave urchin**

this is too funny

**gaylaxy level brain**

Try holding your caps lock button down?

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

HOW WOULD THAT HELP

**gaylaxy level brain**

Just try it?

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

FINE

oh

it worked

thanks monty

**gaylaxy level brain**

I been knew Jasper

**comic geek man**

this is why none of us will ever be good enough for monty

**cave urchin**

true

 

* * *

 

**youre a bitch bellamy blake**

 

**[14:57]**

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

raven

why do you keep sending me pictures of lizards

and why do you keep ignoring my texts asking why

**the happy tree**

ravens doing what now?

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

sending me pictures of lizards

theres so many lizards

where are you finding all these lizards

 _@Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore_ please explain

**the happy tree**

can we ever have a day where we dont have something really weird happening in this gc

like why do i have friends who are like yes i will repeatedtly send lizards to my friend with no explanation

**gaygent**

because yall are really fucking weird

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

we are

but like

i dont randomly send my friends lizards like some people

**gaygent**

_@Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore_ please explain

im intrigued now

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

raven

that last one wasnt even a lizard

it was a fucking salamander

get your amphibians away from my reptiles

**gaygent**

“get your amphibians away from my reptiles”

 _@fBI_ your friends are weird

**the happy tree**

you know, bellamy is one of the only people ik who know that a salamander isnt a reptile

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

ik my reptiles lincoln

**gaygent**

yall are weird

**fBI**

that is true

 _@Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore_ why are you doing this bae

**Bob Roctavia**

do you ever stop

like im gonna have to turn my phone off so i dont get it confiscated

**the happy tree**

they dont

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

she just sent me a rainbow lizard

**gaygent**

lizard said GAY RIGHTS

**fBI**

GAY LIZARDS! GAY LIZARDS!

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

GAY LIZARDS! GAY LIZARDS!

**fBI**

RAVEN

WHY ARE YOU SENDING BELLAMY LIZARDS

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

BECAUSE HES STUDYING WITH MURPHY AFTER SCHOOL TODAY

**fBI**

MURPHAMY

**gaygent**

MURPHAMY

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

MURPHAMY

**fBI**

MURPHAMY

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

…

im just gonna follow octavias example and turn my phone off

STOP SENDING ME LIZARDS RAVEN

 

 

**[15:34]**

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

there are 357 unread messages

90% of them are lizards

why are you like this

**the happy tree**

i genuinely have no answer

i think they used every single google image for these lizards

**fBI**

i have more lizards to send

i always have more lizards to send

i am the master of lizards

**gaygent**

wow i cant believe im married to the master of lizards

does that make me

the mistress of lizards

**Bob Roctavia**

hey clarke

if you send a lizard to bellamy in the mail

i will genuinely attack you

i live there too

**gaygent**

you wanna go octagon?

ill defend my wife to the death

**the happy tree**

why are you all so dramatic

**fBI**

because i have an ABUNDANCE of lizards and im queer

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

^^^

im the mechanicklemore of lizards

**the happy tree**

my eyes hurt from looking at that

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

i am so done with the lizards

im waiting for murphy in the library so im gonna ignore you so we can get the project done

**fBI**

MURPHAMY

I SHIP IT

 

* * *

 

**babafuck off**

 

**[15:41]**

**comic geek man**

IN LIKE TWO MINUTES I WILL SEE BRYAN

IM SO EXCITED

**cave urchin**

i hate how cute you are

have fun

**gaylaxy level brain**

Enjoy! :)

 

 

**[16:12]**

**comic geek man**

anyone know why bryan might be in a bad mood?

**cave urchin**

with all due respect, miller

but why would any of us know more about YOUR boyfriends mood than you

**comic geek man**

idk he just seems grumpy today

he didnt say thanks to the barista in starbucks

which you know

is super weird because he always says thanks

idk he just seems angry

**cave urchin ******

okay yeah thats weird

**comic geek man**

ik!

he said hes fine when i asked him if he was okay

hes gone to the bathroom twice since we got here 20 minutes ago

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece"**

thats really weird

maybe he just had a bad day?

**comic geek man**

yeah maybe

idk he seemed almost disappointed when we met up

should i be worried

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

idk dude, before today i always referred to you as relationship goals

hes probably just having a bad day

woke up on the wrong side of the bed

**comic geek man**

youre probably right

_@cave urchin_ distract me

 how is your study DATE going

**cave urchin**

hes still really cute

theres some stubble on his chin and im going to hell for the thoughts in my brain when i look at it

hes also like really good at biology

i feel like the toddler hes dragging along on a leash

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

ashfjfdjnkndvfj i love you murphy

**comic geek man**

wow mood

**cave urchin**

side note

bellamy pulled my chair out for me before we sat down

like full gentleman

it was so weird

im a cave urchin bellamy i dont deserve this gentlemanly behaviour

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

wow get you a man who can do both

**cave urchin**

whats the other part of the both

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

i have no idea

he just seems to be the kind who could do both

**comic geek man**

true

**cave urchin**

fair

also, hes glaring at me so i should probably get off of my phone

**comic geek man**

wow johnathon murphy succumbing to the pressure of other people

you must really wanna suck this guys dick

**cave urchin**

…

yeah


	5. i Stan one (1) jasper and no one else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> theres more plot
> 
> and like loads of fluff, im in a sappy mood so everyone in this story is too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont think the names have changed since last time?

 

**SPACE SQUAD**

**[09:13]**

**lets get this astrobread**

Do we know who’s doing what in the presentation or do we still need to decide that?

I genuinely can’t remember

**democratically elected meme representative**

nah we never decided that

we should do that

seems like a sensible thing to do

**meme to extreme**

since when do you do sensible things, raven

**democratically elected meme representative**

excuse me, thats senator raven to you

**meme to extreme**

oh? not the mechanicklemore of lizards?

**democratically elected meme representative**

LIZARD SAID GAY RIGHTS

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

i thought murphy and monty were meant to be the ones who say confusing things in this chat

**Jehovah’s Potato**

mood though

the gay rights thing

but yeah

we are

 _@lets get this astrobread_ has jasper changed his opinion on gravity yet or is he still going off his interpretation of the bee movie

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

nm then

**woah calm down there javert**

was any of that sentence meant to make sense

like what opinion do you have on gravity? how do you even

and that sentence was like two half sentences forced together

**meme to extreme**

shes 100% right

 

**lets get this astrobread**

No, Murphy he hasn’t.

Jasper still doesn’t believe in gravity.

**democratically elected meme representative**

asfhgjsjvsjejvjwejvj what?????

 

**lets get this astrobread**

 

And still believes that the bee movie is evidence that gravity doesn’t exist based on the idea that you falsify a scientific theory not verify and the idea that bees fly is therefore enough evidence to suggest that gravity doesn’t exist.

**meme to extreme**

is jasper okay?

first boomerang earth and now this

**Jehovah’s Potato**

no.

i dont even need to ask him to answer that

**woah calm down there javert**

how does that even come up

what conversations are you having

**Jehovah’s Potato**

i asked him if the sun was flat

he said no because fire cant be flat

**meme to extreme**

are you aware that your answers just raise more questions

 

**lets get this astrobread**

What he’s saying is relevant.

I promise.

**Jehovah’s Potato**

ANYWAY

the other dude in the group chat, miller the emo dullard asked what fire was and told us “physics nerds” to explain

like was it a solid, liquid, or gas

monty explained that it was a chemical reaction, but you could probably just say it was a gas

so miller asked if the sun was just a big ball of gas in space

so i asked jasper to confirm that the sun was round obvs

and jasper said that fire cant inherently be in any shape so its not

and monty asked if it could be if you take gravity into account

and jasper said

and i quote:

“dont be silly monty, gravity doesnt exist”

and gave his explanation and how birds defy gravity hence it doesnt exist

and montys like LAWS OF AVIATION JASPER NERDY SHIT

and then jasper recited the bee movie script

which isnt even the first time hes done it

 

**lets get this astrobread**

At least it was in English this time.

Also Murphy you’re the nerdiest person I’ve ever fucking met, stop pretending you’re cool.

**Jehovah’s Ptato**

go float yourself

**democratically elected meme representative**

what do you mean “at least it was in english this time?”

did he send the bee movie in a different language?in emojis?

in gifs?

 

**lets get this astrobread**

He sent it in morse code.

Which Murphy knows for some fucking reason.

**Jehovah’s Potato**

this was on the same day he sent us an edited version of my immortal paragraph one with him as ebony whos a flat earther instead of a vampire.

“im a flat earther but my teeth are gay and white” was a highlight of that day

**democratically elected meme representative**

he did WHAT

**Jehovah’s Potato**

literally what i just sent, reread it

**meme to extreme**

you sent me like four hundred pictures of lizards a few days ago, you really cant talk

**Jehovah’s Potato**

thats like

the most jasper thing to do

ever

 

**lets get this astrobread**

It is

**democratically elected meme representative**

LIZARD SAID GAY RIGHTS BELLAMY

**Jehovah’s Potato**

youve said that already

**democratically elected meme representative**

LIZARD SAID GAY RIGHTS MURPHY

**Jehovah’s Potato**

not to sound like a hipster but you sound like a broken record

 

**lets get this astrobread**

You would 100% be a hipster if you had the money, Murphy stfu

**Jehovah’s Potato**

but im not

im broke af

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

are we ever going to get to the point and figure out whos doing what in the presentation or are youre just gonna be really fucking weird for however long

**meme to extreme**

yeah we should do that

**democratically elected meme representative**

does anyone actually want to speak in the presentation or should we all just present our own parts or something

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

good idea

 

**lets get this astrobread**

I’m good with that.

Who’s doing the intro and conclusion though?

**democratically elected meme representative**

idk

is anyone good at public speaking

**Jehovah’s Potato**

lmao no

 

**lets get this astrobread**

We could just all practice our own parts for now then choose after we’ve ran through the whole thing once?

See who’s the best at public speaking after that?

 

**democratically elected meme representative**

youre good at ideas monty

we should do that

**Jehovah’s Potato**

cool

 

 

**[09:34]**

_**democratically elected meme representative** has sent [attachment: LIZARDSAIDGAYRIGHTS.png]_

**meme to extreme**

fuck you raven

 

 

**[09:51]**

_**Jehovah’s Potato** has set the nickname of **democratically elected meme representative** to **a broken record**_

**meme to extreme**

^^^

 

* * *

 

**babafuck off**

**[12:16]**

**gaylaxy level brain**

And today on evidence that Murphy is a complete and utter nerd: signing up for an afterschool film studies class.

**comic geek man**

seriously?

 

**gaylaxy level brain**

Seriously.

**comic geek man**

murphy my pal

you are such a fucking nerd

**cave urchin**

yall can go float yourselves

**comic geek man**

that doesnt mean youre not a nerd

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

i mean

i think that makes him more of a geek than a nerd tbh

**cave urchin**

…

i Stan one (1) jasper and no one else

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

love you murphy

**cave urchin**

<3

**comic geek man**

why are yall so sappy today

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

because we LOVE each other miller

thats why

**cave urchin**

^^^^

**comic geek man**

what do you even do in a film studies class

like do you just discuss movies or something

wouldnt that be boring

**cave urchin**

you like analyse specific movies and stuff

theres some project at the end where you like plan out a movie or something

idk it sounds more interesting than sitting at home avoiding my foster parents

**comic geek man**

fair

you know if you ever need to get out of the house, you can come to my house if you want

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

or mine

 

**gaylaxy level brain**

Mine too

**cave urchin**

thanks guys

**comic geek man**

youre still a nerd tho

**cave urchin**

go float yourself miller

 

**gaylaxy level brain**

Also

Bellamy is taking it too

**comic geek man**

well then

you really wanna suck this guys dick

**cave urchin**

i mean I do

but the class actually sounds interesting

**comic geek man**

you get to be a nerd with your crush

**cave urchin**

its not a crush

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

its a crush

**cave urchin**

its not a crush

**comic geek man**

its a crush

**cave urchin**

its nota crush

**comic geek man**

ITS A CRUSH

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

i t s  a  c r u s h

**cave urchin**

i t s  n o t  a  c r u s h

 

**gaylaxy level brain**

It’s a crush.

**comic geek man**

it is official

monty has spoken

**cave urchin**

…

well i cant argue with monty

**comic geek man**

MURPHY HAS A CRUSH

MURPHY HAS A CRUSH

**cave urchin**

go flaot yourself miller

 

* * *

 

**youre a bitch Octavia Blake**

**[14:51]**

_**Le Princess** has set the group chat name to **Operation: Murphamy**_

**Dramatique Mechanique**

I SUPPORT THIS

**An Outdated Meme**

im stuck on this train whether or not i support it so i guess i support it

 

**Le Princess**

not quite the enthusiasm i was expecting but we can work with it

lets map out what we have right now

**Dramatique Mechanique**

GOOD PLAN

**An Outdated Meme**

woah calm down there javert

 

**Le Princess**

theyre working on a project together

_**Dramatique Mechanique** sent [attachment: igotthatreference.gif]_

 

**Le Princess**

bellamy thinks hes cute

and theyre both in that after school film class thing

**Dramatique Mechanique**

your brother is such a nerd octavia

**An Outdated Meme**

arent you on some shortlist for a nasa intern thing?

**Dramatique Mechanique**

yes

yes i am

i didnt say being a nerd was a bad thing

**An Outdated Meme**

im super proud of you for that btw

 

**Le Princess**

me too

youre pretty great raven

**Dramatique Mechanique**

love you guys

but

lets

FOCUS

MURPHAMY

 

**Le Princess**

MURPHAMY

**An Outdated Meme**

…

MURPHAMY

**Dramatique Mechanique**

YES OCTAVIA

now

how do we actually get them together

because like

im clearly bad at dating considering docuehfinn

**An Outdated Meme**

“douchefin”

i love it

also

i feel like its much easier for a guy and a girl to get together

like no ones yelled slurs at me and lincoln when we walk down the streets

i mean like

people are racist as fuck sometimes but theres nothing about our genders

**Dramatique Mechanique**

fair

clarke

how did you and lexa get together

 

**Le Pricness**

uh

i like flirted with her using puns

like really

i think i just got lucky

**An Outdated Meme**

okay first

no

youre a v cool person clarke, anyone would be lucky to have you

and two

thats really not helpful

**Dramatique Mechanique**

okay so i have an idea

octagon

how would your mom feel about you and bell having friends round for like a sleepover party thing?

**An Outdated Meme**

shed hate it

like really really really hate it

she hates us having people round

thats why bell and murphy are working in the library

his foster parents dont like him having friends round and neither does mom

**Dramatique Mechanique**

well there goes my plan

 

**Le Princess**

okay

how about we go away, brainstorm and then reconvene later

**An Outdated Meme**

that works

sinclair still cool with us meeting up at yours after school, raven?

**Dramatique Mechanique**

yep

whos turn is it to pay for pizza

 

**Le Princess**

lincolns?

**An Outdated Meme**

cool

**Dramatique Mechanique**

cool

 

**Le Princess**

cool

**An Outdated Meme**

okay no

were not doing this

not again

**Dramatique Mechanique**

fair

 

 

 

**[15:17]**

**Le Princess**

cool

**An Outdated Meme**

cLARKE

 

* * *

 

**youre a bitch bellamy blake**

 

**[15:37]**

**fBI**

_@Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore_ where r u

i want my pizzzzzza

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

woah calm down there javert

**the happy tree**

i hope murphy knows something he said in one group chat has become a meme in another

**Bob Roctavia**

he doesnt

bell should tell him next time they work on the project together

 

**fBI**

MURPHAMY

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

are we still doing this

like really

why are you all so invested in this

**gaygent**

you deserve a cute boyfriend bellamy

even if he looks a little like a lizard

im sure hes beautiful

i have no idea

im a lesbian

but you know

 

**fBI**

hes cute

and you do deserve a cute boyfriend bell

i have a cute girlfriend and it makes my life infinitely better

**gaygent**

love you baby :*

 

**fBI**

love you too!!!

**the happy tree**

so much of this group chat is you two confessing your love to each other

**Bob Roctavia**

its adorable tho

also

_@Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore_ the fuck are you????

its pizza day

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

you guys have no patience

at all

 

**fBI**

stfu bearllamy

i want my pizza!!

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

lmao calm down

im coming now

kane held me back

wanted me to make up that test i missed

**the happy tree**

are you going to?

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

no

its a stupid multiple choice exam

why would i willingly do that

im already averaging an a in his class

he can miss out on one exam

**gaygent**

fair

**Bob Roctavia**

you better be running gurl

i want my pizza and youre my lift home

 

**fBI**

plus we cant get into your house without you

i dont think sinclair would phone the police but still

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

were not breaking into sinclairs house

literally none of us are sneaky enough to do that

other than maybe lexa

**gaygent**

true

clarkes mom still hasnt figured out i sneak into her room like four times a week

**Bob Rocatvia**

is she still being awkward about you two????

like seriously

 

**fBI**

she thinks im too young to date

she had the same problem with finn

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

yeah but she let him go round to your house

 

**fBI**

and then finn cheated on me with raven

shes overly cautious

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

and you came out way better than him

youve got an awesome girlfriend and hes probably gonna get expelled

 

**fBI**

true

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

also im nearly there

like a minute away

**Bob Roctavia**

PIZZA TIME

 

* * *

 

**babafuck off**

 

**[18:03]**

**gaylaxy level brain**

Does anyone want to do something tomorrow because I’m actually dying at home rn

My Mom’s still on the flat earth thing

I get that she just wants the best for me but like please Mom

And my Dad just finds it funny

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

id love to

but i have detention

and my dad grounded me for having detention

**cave urchin**

wait

when did you get detention

what did you even do

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

there was a controlled reaction in my chemistry class

**cave urchin**

“controlled reaction”

you blew something up

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

it was a controlled reaction

**comic geek man**

it was pretty controlled tbf

monroe sent me a shitty portrait video of it

idk how both you and monty ended up taking ap classes and not end up in the same one because that would negate all your blowing things up

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

it would

**comic geek man**

also

bryan just cancelled one me so im free to do something after school tomorrow 

murphy?

**cave urchin**

the first film study thing is tomorrow but i can swing by after if youre still doing stuff

**comic geek man**

cool

 

**gaylaxy level brain**

Are you and Bryan okay???

He’s never cancelled on you before, has he?

**comic geek man**

idk man

hes being weird recently

i had to cancel an actual dinner reservation

like it was gonna be a super romantic dinner, id even made a request for there to be a blue rose on the table since its his favorite color

**cave urchin**

that sucks man

could you ask any of his other friends if they know whats up?

**comic geek man**

i could

but i dont want to invade his privacy you know?

**cave urchin**

i get that

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

okay no im skipping detention tomorrow and me and monty are gonna take you to that cool ice cream place and were gonna have loads of fun

and then were gonna come back to montys and were gonna have a high school musical marathon and were gonna order whatever take away you want and well pay not you and murphy will join us when hes done 

**gaylaxy level brain**

I’ll bring popcorn and marshmallows

**cave urchin**

ill bring cards against humanity when i get there

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

and stories about how cute bellamy is

**cave urchin**

and stories about bellamy

**comic geek man**

thanks guys <3

i appreciate you risking more grounding for me jasper

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

its nothing

gotta cheer up my pal

youre way more important than being grounded

**cave urchin**

i have camp rock dvds

i can bring those

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

yas queen

 

**gaylaxy level brain**

You can all sleepover as well

I can get all the extra blankets out of the storage cupboard and we’ll camp out in the living room.

**comic geek man**

that sounds great

i love you guys

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

we love you too miller

 

* * *

 

**Operation: Murpahmy**

 

**[19:37]**

**Le Princess**

bellamy has murphy saved in his phone with a :)

its so cute

**An Outdated Meme**

bell comes across like hes some tough guy but hes literally the sappiest person ever

**Dramatique Mechanique**

hes a teddy bearllamy

**An Outdated Meme**

he really is

 

**Le Princess**

do you think he knows were all texting about him

like it probably looks weird that were all texting rn and hes a smart boy, im sure hes figured out were in a gc tgoether

but do you think he knows its about him

**Dramatique Mechanique**

probably not

why would he think its about him

 

**Le Princess**

true

have either of you had any ideas about how to get MURPHAMY to happen

**An Outdated Meme**

nope

**Dramatique Mechanique**

me neither

 

**Le Princess**

okay then

lets re-reconvene again

**An Outdated Meme**

raven

do not say cool

 

 

**[19:56]**

**Dramatique Mechanique**

cool

 

 

**[20:07]**

**Dramatique Mechanique**

youre really gonna just ignore me????

octagon.

 

 

**[20:21]**

**Dramatique Mechanique**

well then.

 

 

**[22:01]**

**An Outdated Meme**

cool.

 

 

**[22:07]**

**Dramatique Mechanique**

BITCH

 

* * *

 

**SPACE SQUAD**

 

**[22:07]**

**VIVA LA PLUTO**

are we really using comic sans as the font

**a broken record**

comic sans is the best

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

were using what now

**Jehovah’s Potato**

comic sans keep up

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

really????

**Jehovah’s Potato**

yes.

 

**lets get this astrobread**

There’s no point in changing it now.

It’s more effort than just leaving it

**VIVA LA PLUTO**

true.

**Jehovah’s Potato**

plus comic sans is a good font for dyslexia

idk if anyone in the class has it but you know

**a broken record**

thats a good point

**Jehovah’s Potato**

i been knew

**a broken record**

you been knew

side note

will we ever get an explanation for your nickname murphy

**Jehovah’s Potato**

monty?

 

**lets get this astrobread**

No

**Jehovah's Potato**

no

**a broken record**

well then

 

* * *

 

**babafuck off**

 

**[23:42]**

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

guys

if you could skateboard on saturns rings

how many rockets would you need in order to do it in three days

 

**gaylaxy level brain**

What????

What does this mean??????

**cave urchin**

thats a really specific question

**comic geek man**

youd need a whole lot of rockets

but yeah

howd you get there

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

well

 

**gaylaxy level brain**

I’m already scared.

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

i was googling flat earth and i saw that logan paul got denounced by the flat earth society

which makes me so happy btw that guy is a total douchebagguette

**cave urchin**

agreed.

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

anyway

his hair is like all flippy

and it made me think of angel wings

which made me think of hermes from like percy Jackson

with the winged trainers

**comic geek man**

where is tis going

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

and that made me think of skateboarding and also mercury

but mercurys super small and probably too warm to skateboard on

and venus’ warmer because it has an atmosphere

and earth is boring af

and mars is too small

and jupiters just not cool

plus youd get more street cred for skateboarding on saturns rings than jupiters rings

but like

i wouldn’t want to spend more than like 3 days in outerspace rn

hence my question

**cave urchin**

thats some impeccable logic right there

i cant fault it

 

**gaylaxy level brain**

You break my brain on a regular basis Jasper

What even?

**comic geek man**

it is really really weird

but like

is anyone else just super happy that even the flat earth society denounced logan paul because that guy is such a fucking asshole.

like his “going gay for a month” thing

like no

thats not how it works

you can go have sex with men or whatever for a month logan, but youre not gonna experience what we experience. you dont have to ask yourself if your parents love you unconditionally. you dont have to make backup plans of where youll go in case you get kicked out when you come out. youre not terrified when you hold your boyfriends hand while you walk down the street.

fuck you logan.

**cave urchin**

it is really such bullshit

like i nearly got moved to anotehr state because my past foster parents turned out to not like the whole queer thing

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

how is even relevant anymore

he looks like a shoe

like he and jake are a pair of unmatching shoes

 

**gaylaxy level brain**

Because he does stuff like joining the flat earth society

**comic geek man**

we should kill him.

**cave urchin**

i second that

 

**gaylaxy level brain**

I third it

_**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”** has set the group chat name to **lets kill (logan paul) tonight**_

**cave urchin**

im not even angry at the patd reference

**comic geek man**

you need to accept your past emo self jonathon.

itll never leave you

ik you still own black eyeliner

**cave urchin**

go float yourself nathan

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

wait

can we give murphy an emo transformation tomorrow

**comic geek man**

oh my god yes

**cave urchin**

oh my god no

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

oh my god yES

**cave urchin**

no.

 

**gaylaxy level brain**

Yes

**cave urchin**

monty

not you too

**comic geek man**

its three against one man

youre getting an emo makeover tomorrow

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

EMO MAKEOVER EMO MAKEOVER

 

**gaylaxy level brain**

EMO MAKEOVER EMO MAKEOVER

**comic geek man**

EMO MAKEOVER EMO MAKEOVER

**cave urchin**

i hate you guys so much


	6. its like an emo version of that james charles meme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> raven just wants people to acknowledge her penguins and bellamy just wants everyone to stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only name change i think is raven to a broken record in SPACE SQUAD

**lets kill (logan paul) tonight**

**[03:43]**

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

_@cave urchin_ remember to put cah in your bag for tomorrow

**cave urchin**

…

was this meant to wake me up so id do it or did you just assume i was asleep

also i put it in my bag when i said id bring it

_**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”** has sent [attachment surejan.png]_

**cave urchin**

well fuck you too

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

also

ik youd be awake

you never sleep

**cave urchin**

insomnia dont wait for nobody jasper

ill sleep in kanes class tomorrow

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

do you mean today

its like 3 in the morning

**comic geek man**

in my heart

its

**cave urchin**

no

**comic geek man**

nine in the afternoon

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

AND YOUR EYES ARE THE SIZE OF THE MOON

**comic geek man**

YOU COULD CAUSE YOU CAN SO YOU DO

**cave urchin**

do you ever stop

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

WERE FEELING SO GOOD

**comic geek man**

JUST THE WAY THAT WE DO

**gaylaxy level brain**

Why do you guys always do this

Stop with the panic

**comic geek man**

WHEN I WAS

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

A YOUNG BOY

**comic geek man**

MY FATEHR

**cave urchin**

no

also

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

TOOK ME INTO THE CITY

**cave urchin**

“my fatehr”

**comic geek man**

TO SEE A MARCHING BAND

**cave urchin**

“MY FATEHR”

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

HE SAID SON WHEN YOU GROW UP

**gaylaxy level brain**

Luke

I am your fatehr

**comic geek man**

EXCUSE ME

THE QUOTE IS

no, i am your father

FAKE FAN

**cave urchin**

how am i the one who gets called a nerd all the time

when this is happening

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

*no, i am your fatehr

**cave urchin**

HOW

**comic geek man**

because you a nerd

**cave urchin**

stfu emo dullard

_**gaylaxy level brain** set the nickname of **comic geek man** to_  _ **emo dullard**_

**emo dullard**

really

really

**cave urchin**

yes.

accept it miller

youll never escape your emo dullardness

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

side note

are we still giving murphy an EMO MAKEOVER

**emo dullard**

yes

**cave urchin**

…

**gaylaxy level brain**

you guys need to bring the eyeliner btw

**emo dullard**

monty green

are you

telling me

that you dont

posses

not even a single one

eyeliner

not one?

**gaylaxy level brain**

Not one

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

#moredramaticthantitanic

**emo dullard**

#stopusinghashtags

**cave urchin**

#hypocrite

**emo dullard**

#MURPHYSEMOMAKEOVER

**gaylaxy level brain**

#stop

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

#getsomehelp

**emo dullard**

#youllnevertakemyhastagsalive

**cave urchin**

#obamaeyes

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

#omg

**gaylaxy level brain**

#whyarewetalkinginhashtags

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

#OBAMAEYES

**emo dullard**

#showdonttell

**cave urchin**

#gofloatyourself

**gaylaxy level brain**

#whyarewelikethis

**emo dullard**

#becausewehavenochoice

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

#calmdownajax

**cave urchin**

#wasthatalowkeysupernaturalreference

**emo dullard**

#superwholock5ever

**cave urchin**

#no

#imgoingtobed

**gaylaxy level brain**

#mood

 

 

**[07:51]**

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

#murphyremembercah

 

 

**[08:07]**

**cave urchin**

do you have no faith in me whatsoever

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

no

**cave urchin**

lmao fair

**emo dullard**

hey murphy

remember that time you forgot to bring jaspers birthday present in for an entire week

**cave urchin**

fuck you miller i was 12

 

* * *

 

**youre a bitch bellamy blake**

 

**[08:49]**

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

hey bearllamy

your lizard is weird

his friend yelled “#SUPERWHOLOCK5EVER” at him down the corridor

and he just yelled “GO FLOAT YOURSELF AJAX” and flipped him off

**fBI**

wut

dont remind me of superwholock

please

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

why did you refer to him as my lizard

thats just really fuckign weird

**fBI**

he is your lizard tho

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

…

i should just not check this gc

**the happy tree ******

^^^

  **Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

BITCH

 

 

**[09:09]**

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

did you guys know macaroni penguins exist

 

 

**[09:11]**

**the happy tree**

…

  

 

**[09:16]**

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

dont ignore me

this is important information

 

 

**[09:22]**

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

GUYS

I KNOW YOU READ THIS

BELLAMY

 

 

**[09:30]**

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

do we all make the same mistakes

or has one of us gotten it right

or even just a bit less wrong

am i the impasta

 

 

**[09:34]**

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

fine

 

* * *

  **Operation: Murphamy**

 

 

**[09:37]**

**Dramatique Mechanique**

MACARONI PENGUINS

 

 

**[09:44]**

**Dramatique Mechanique**

why is everyone ignoring me and my penguins

i will pasta away alone

with my penguins

 

 

**[09:53]**

**Dramatique Mechanique**

i was a penguin composer

and you turned out

to be

a phenomenal impasta

 

 

**[09:57]**

**Dramatique Mechanique**

PASTA LA VISTA BITCHES

 

* * *

  **SPACE SQUAD**

 

 

**[10:01]**

**a broken record**

did you guys know that there are macaroni penguins

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

what

**meme to extreme**

why are you so obsessed with these penguins

**a broken record**

there are PENGUINS named after MACARONI

HOW ARE YOU NOT OBSSESSED

**meme to extreme**

animals have weird names

biologists are weird

**lets get this astrobread**

My favorite is the pink fairy armadillo

**meme to extreme**

theres a salamander called the hellbender

raven sent me a picture of it

amongst 400 lizard pictures

**VIVA LA PLUTO**

i like the chicken turtle

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

hummingbird hawk-moths are cool moths

**Jehovah’s Potato**

satanic leaf-tailed geckos are the best tho

**a broken record**

okay but if you look at that gecko

you understand the name

but how

does a PENGUIN

get named after PASTA

penguins arent Italian

**meme to extreme**

hot take: penguins arent italian

**Jehovah’s Potato**

macaroni penguins arent named after the pasta

**a broken record**

macaroni=pasta

macaroni penguin=pasta penguin

**meme to extreme**

infallible logic

**Jehovah’s Potato**

macaronism=an 18th century english style to do with flamboyant ornamentation

macaroni=someone with that style

macaroni penguin=a penguin with flamboyant ornamentation

**a broken record**

WHAT

_**Jehovah’s Potato** sent [attachment penguinwithflamboyantormentation.jpg]_

**a broken record**

there was a fashion movement named after a pasta??????

**Jehovah’s Potato**

there was some club who wore that kinda shit and ate macaroni which wasnt well known in england then so they were called the macaroni club

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

ngl thats a really fucking weird thing to know

**a broken record**

i cant believe ive been blinded from this knowledge my entire life!!!

i feel cheated

**meme to extreme**

it is really weird to know that

**Jehovah’s Potato**

what did you think yankee doodle meant if you didnt know

like he just named his hat after pasta

like hmm my hat is cool ill name it after a food

  **a broken record**

stop making me questioning my entire life murphy

**meme to extreme**

i dont think ive thought about yankee doodle since i was like six

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

yeah i never questioned it when i was a kid and im not gonna question it now

why would i

**VIVA LA PLUTO**

you guys are weird

**lets get this astrobread**

When we were like six, Murphy went through a phase of finding the meanings between loads of nursery rhymes

Yankee Doodle was one of them

**VIVA LA PLUTO**

you guys are really weird

**Jehovah’s Potato**

i distinctly remember it being you me and jasper doing that but sure act like it was just me

_**lets get this astrobread** sent [attachment surejan.png]_

**Jehovah’s Potato**

go float yourself 

**a broken record**

today

i have been

enlightened

 

 

**[10:41]**

**a broken record**

what if yankee doodle was a penguin all along

**meme to extreme**

no.

 

* * *

  **youre a bitch bellamy blake**

 

 

**[10:43]**

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

what if yankee doodle was a penguin all along

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

no.

**the happy tree**

im not going to even ask 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

where is everyone else

**the happy tree**

the maths exam

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

maths exam?

they dont have the same maths class

and the last maths exam was ages ago

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

for us yeah

do you not remember that week when all the maths teachers striked

there were tonnes of maths exams that week

they just rescheduled them all into a massive one

**the happy tree**

and today was the earliest they could book the gym out 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

oh

 

* * *

**Operation: Murphamy**

 

 

**[10:47]**

**Dramatique Mechanique**

sorry for my angry pasta message

kinda forgot about that math exam thing

guess my memory trace was just not stronganoff

 

* * *

  **lets kill (logan paul) tonight**

 

**[11:17]**

**gaylaxy level brain**

How was the maths exam guys?

**emo dullard**

not terrible

**gaylaxy level brain**

That’s good!!

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

im preparing for my career as a broke stripper who lives in a cave because he cant even afford a shit apartment

so thats how it went for me

take it as you will

**cave urchin**

we can share a cave

half the rent

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

perfect

**emo dullard**

half the rent of what

the cave?

that famous cave rent????

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

yes

you cant just live somewhere for free nathan

thats a terrible way to be a landlord

**gaylaxy level brain**

Maybe we should just all share a cave and share the cave rent four ways

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

im up for that 

**cave urchin**

same

**emo dullard**

you guys are weird

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

#homophobia

**emo dullard**

im literally dating a man but go off i guess

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

yeah i have no witty response to that 

**cave urchin**

fair

also jasper

“thats a terrible way to be a landlord”

is there a way to be a landlord and not terrible

like 99% of them are inherently terrible

**emo dullard**

thats depressingly true

i hate capitalism

**gaylaxy level brain**

Mood. 

**cave urchin**

same

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

lgbt standards for lets guilltone bourgeoisie tonight 

**cave urchin**

yes.

yes it do.

**emo dullard**

tag yourself im a guillotine

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

im bourgeoisie tonight

king for a day bitches!!! 

**cave urchin**

this system is inherently flawed considering im appanretly bourgeoisie and im literally the poorest out of all of us

**emo dullard**

its a prediction of your future

youll get a sugar parent and be a rich spoilt brat

**gaylaxy level brain**

Yeah but then he can’t be with Bellamy

**emo dullard**

shit u right

lgbt actually stands for

lets

get down to

business

to defeat the huns 

**cave urchin**

mulan is the true queer movie

shang was clearly a b i s e x u a l

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

and mulan was a gay trans man obvs

**gaylaxy level brain**

Who’s the lesbian tho

**emo dullard**

mushu

**gaylaxy level brain**

Obviously 

**cave urchin**

mushus an ace lesbian

**emo dullard**

the true queer movie

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

all its missing is a Babadook 

**cave urchin**

a fatal flaw

**gayalxy level brain**

Its hubris is the Babadook

**emo dullard**

you know those teachers who confiscate your phone for texting and read the texts out loud to the class?

99% of the time i dont want that to happen with his chat

but gotdamn do i want a teacher to read “its hubris is the Babadook” out loud

it’s a truly iconic statement

_**cave urchin** has set the nickname of **gaylaxy level brain** to **hi my names monty and my hubris is the Babadook**_

**emo dullard**

yas queen

_**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”** has set the nickname of **hi my names monty and my hubris is the Babadook** to **Babadubris**_

**emo dullard**

YAS QUEEN

**Babadubris**

That’s genuinely the funniest fucking thing wtf

Why is it so funny 

**cave urchin**

it sounds like an obscure opera

**emo dullard**

i would pay actual money to see that opera 

**cave urchin**

actual money

what else would you pay with if not money

is that not how transactions work

**emo dullard**

cave rocks obvs 

**cave urchin**

of course

**“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”**

#cashcashcaverocks 

**cave urchin**

asjfjsdbhbsvbjvbjhwfvbhbhjbh

**emo dullard**

CASH CASH CAVE ROCKS

_**Babadubris** has set the nickname of **“my immortal is a literary masterpiece”** to **cash cash cave rocks**_

**emo dullard**

fred flinstones alternate identity as a rap star

cash cash cave rocks

**cash cash cave rocks**

YABBA BABADUBRIS 

**cave urchin**

asfjdhsvknekvjwevuiwueivuiui i cant omg jasper

**Babadrubis**

That’s simultaneously the worst and best thing I have ever read in my life

_**emo dullard** has set the group chat name to **YABBA BABADUBRIS**_

**Babadubris**

You know

I don’t think my Mom can give me a lecture about this one 

**cave urchin**

our gc is effectively now name yabba monty

im here for it

**emo dullard**

i Stan one (1) yabba monty

**Babadubris**

And other sentences I didn’t think I’d read today

Also where are we meeting for lunch?

I think Shumway’s about to give us a pop quiz so I probably won’t be able to look at my phone

**emo dullard**

outside the bio labs? 

**cave urchin**

that works for me

**Babadubris**

Same

**cash cash cave rocks**

kool ma dudes

  

 

**[14:01]**

**cave urchin**

hey monty

why did you tell raven about my nursery rhyme phase

shes in my georgraphy class and she keeps asking me about every nursery rhyme ever

 

 

**[14:17]**

**Babadubris**

Murphy

You explained how macaroni penguins were named after a historical fashion trend in England and then refrenced Yankee Doodle

What other explanation could you have given

**emo dullard**

he did what now 

**cave urchin**

she brought up macaroni penguins

she thought they were named after the pasta

**emo dullard**

you know

most people would think they were named after the pasta

its a logical assumption 

**cave urchin**

its really not but go off i guess

why would you think someone would name a penguin after pasta

like animals named after foods and weird things tend to at least look a bit like that thing

what about a penguin makes you think macaroni

**emo dullard**

stfu mr logical

**Babadubris**

Most people don’t put that much effort into thinking about this kind of thing 

**cave urchin**

most people are wrong then

**emo dullard**

yall are weird murphy 

**cave urchin**

why do you keep referring to me as yall

im not a plural

**emo dullard**

you are weird tho 

**cave urchin**

okay discount gerard way

**emo dullard**

EXCUSE ME

im clearly discount pete wentz 

**cave urchin**

okay patrick

**emo dullard ******

BITCH 

**cave urchin**

did you say something brendon

**emo dullard**

EXCUS-A-ME 

**cave urchin**

woah calm down there frank iero

**emo dullard**

JONATHON 

**cave urchin**

dude, kellin, are you okay?

**emo dullard**

JONATHON FUCKING MURPHY 

**cave urchin**

hey monty, did you hear something?

it sounds a bit like hayley williams

**emo dullard**

okay no im not even upset about that

she is a legend

**Babadubris**

She really is 

**cave urchin**

shes pretty frekaing great

**emo dullard**

ill be hayley williams anyday

shes pretty and a good singer 

**cave urchin**

mood

**Babadubris**

Same tho

 

 

**[14:43]**

**cash cash cave rocks**

its good to know that hayley williams beauty transcends all sexualities and genders

she is simply a goddess

**Babadubris**

Obivously

**cash cash cave rcosk**

can i tweet at her that my gay friend think shes pretty

**Babadubris**

Is that little creepy??? 

**cave urchin**

tell her your gay friend thinks shes a good singer

**cash cash cave rocks**

is the gay thing not relevant anymore tho 

**cave urchin**

its always relevant jasper

**Babadubris**

yeah

yeah it is

**Babadubris**

Wait

You don’t even have Twitter

**cash cash cave rocks**

i could get it

**Babadubris**

Just to tweet at Hayley Williams?

**emo dullard**

jonathan got it just to follow james wan 

**cave urchin**

must you expose me like this

**emo dullard**

yes.

**cash cash cave rocks**

whose james wan

**Babadubris**

He directed Saw

And Insidious

And The Conjuring

**cash cash cave rocks**

ohhhh

THAT guy

**Babadubris**

Also

Murphy got it to follow Guillermo del Toro 

**cave urchin**

why do yall care so much about who i follow on twitter

and you follow like the cast of shadowhunters and brooklyn 99 and no one else on twitter miller

**emo dullard**

theyre good shows, jonathon

**cash cash cave rocks**

^^^^

**Babadubris**

Magnus Bane owns my entire heart

**cash cash cave rocks**

simons cuter tho

**Babadubris**

Nope

**emo dullard**

uh as if all of you dont want to have terry jeffords to spoon yall at night 

**cave urchin**

fair

but also

luke from shadowhunters could rip my throat out and id still try to say thank you

**emo dullard**

also fair

tbh literally everyone in that cast is beautiful other than jace

**Babadubris**

Jace would be attractive if he would just like

Not talk 

**cave urchin**

yeah

**emo dullard**

Jonathon would be attractive if he would just like not talk too 

**cave urchin**

yeah

**Babadubris**

Yeah but who will infodump about macaronism if not Murphy

**emo dullard**

fair

point retracted

**cash cash cave rocks**

that was surprisingly civil

**emo dullard**

what? you dont think we can do civil?

wait

that didnt sound civil 

**cave urchin**

ashufkjdskvj

**cash cash cave rocks**

well done miller

well fuckin done miller

 

 

**[15:07]**

**cash cash cave rocks**

we still doing ice cream, hsm marathon and sleepover?

**emo dullard**

yep

**cash cash cave rocks**

and emo makeover?

**emo dullard**

yep 

**cave urchin**

…

**cash cash cave rocks**

cool

im gonna skip the last twenty minutes so kane cant drag me back for detention

see ya losers not on school ground

**emo dullard**

cooool

 

* * *

  **youre a bitch bellamy blake**

  

**[15:26]**

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

hey bearllamy

are you still doing that afterschool film class with lizard boy

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

hey raven

do you still think a penguin species was named after a pasta 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

hey bellamy

fuck off

**Bob Roctavia**

wait

what else are macaroni penguins named after 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

some obscure style thing from the 1700s in england

**Bob Roctavia**

what 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

IKR

bearllamys lizard knew all about it

**Bob Roctavia**

thats weird

**fBI**

hes perfect for bellamy

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

will this ever stop

ever

**gaygent**

no

**fBI**

we will never stop

MURPHAMY 5EVER 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

MURPHAMY

also

you never answered my question

bear man

**the happy tree**

“bear man”

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

yeah

im still doing it 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanickelmore**

cool

is lizard boy still doing it

**the happy tree**

bear man and lizard boy are my favorite comic book duo 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

okay but stfu lincoln

**Bob Roctavia**

okay but dont insult my boyfriend raven

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

okay but fight me octavia

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

okay but please just stop for just one second of your lives

**the happy tree**

okay but bellamys right

**fBI**

okay but we cant stop

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

okay but no

**fBI**

okay but this is HOMOPHOBIA

**the happy tree**

okay but youre literally bi

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

okay but my client cant be homophobic, he was on glee 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

okay but asuhvksdkjvnkfndbnbnf

**fBI**

okay but i love you bellamy

**gaygent**

okay but EXCUSE ME

**fBI**

okay but i love you more 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

okay but where are you clarke i want my mcnugget now

**Bob Roctavia**

okay but youre going to MCDONALDS without ME 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

okay but were doing our monthly ‘we were screwed over by finn’ meeting

**Bob Roctavia**

okay but fair

**the happy tree**

okay but why are we still doing this okay but thing

**fBI**

okay but its fun

okay but ill be there in like five minutes 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanciklemore**

okay but okay

**the happy tree**

okay but “okay but okay”

**gaygent**

okay but “okay but “okay but okay””

**Bob Roctavia**

okay but “okay but “okay but “okay but okay”””

**fBI**

okay but “okay but “okay but “okay but “okay but “okay but okay”””” 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

okay but “okay but “okay but “okay but “okay but “okay but “okay but okay”””””

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

okay but “okay but “okay but “okay but “okay but “okay but “okay but “okay but okay”””””” but please stop

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

okay but “okay but “okay but “okay but “okay but “okay but “okay but “okay but “okay but “okay but okay”””””””” but MCDONALDS

 

 

**[16:16]**

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

okay but YOU NEVER ASNWERED MY QUESTION BELLAMY

 

 

**[16:27]**

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

yes

murphy is still doing it

 

* * *

**YABBA BABADUBRIS**

 

**[16:49]**

**cave urchin**

okay but this class is actually pretty interesting

**emo dullard**

nerd

were on our way to montys house now btw

**cave urchin**

cool

this lets out in like ten minutes

**emo dullard**

is bellamy still doing it

**cave urchin**

yeah

but hes sitting on the other side of the room

**cash cash cave rocks**

:’(

**cave urchin**

it didnt really matter tbh

most of it was going over basic film theory stuff

we had a small discussion at the end but eh

theyre organising groups next week depending on what film genre you want to write your short script on

**cash cash cave rocks**

any chance youll work with him then?????

**cave urchin**

i feel like hes not the horror movie type

**emo dullard**

:’(

**cave urchin**

…

**cash cash cave rocks**

:’(

 

 

**[17:13]**

**cave urchin**

_@Babadubris_ im outside

**Babadubris**

COming

 

* * *

  **SPACE SQUAD**

 

 

**[20:01]**

**Jehovah’s Potato**

YO

THIS IS JONOTHANS MOST AWESOME FRIEND MILLER

WHO WANTS TO SEE HIS EMO MAKEOVER

**a broken record**

ME

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

sure

i have nothing else to do

_**Jehovah’s Potato** has sent [attachment: EMOMKAOVER.pn]_

**a broken record**

oh my god

**lets get this astrobread**

Can I state for the record that I’m currently in the kitchen and didn’t realise Miller would do this so Murphy can’t kill me when he finds out about this?????

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

gurl who did that eyeliner

i need to know how the fuck you did that so well

**Jehovah’s Potato**

i, nathan miller, did

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

teach me your ways

**woah calm down there javert**

its like an emo version of that james charles meme

**Jehovah’s Potato**

aioshkfjsdkvbhbhsvjkkjskjfd

**a broken record**

he looks pretty cute tbh

idk anyone who actually suits that kind of emo hair

**Jehovah’s Potato**

murphys got that face tho

he suits the weird looking things

**lets get this astrobread**

He’s also going to kill you for this

**Jehovah’s Potato**

im in possession of hsm3 so unless he wants to have an unfinished hsm marathon, he cant do shit

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

you guys are doing emo makeovers during a hsm marathon?

**lets get this astrobread**

Just Murphy

Jasper and Miller are already emos

**a broken record**

are you not getting one monty?????????

**VIVA LA PLUTO**

what even si this chat

**lets get this astrobread**

No

This is all happening at my house and if they try to come near me with that eyeliner, I’m just going to throw them out

**meme to extreme**

fair

**a broken record**

what did you use for the lipstick

black lipstick never looks that cool

**Jehovah’s Potato**

we put black eyeliner

its a good cheiaufbjdsvbhnvvfj

**a broken record**

what

**Jehovah’s Potato**

im going to kill miller

**a broken record**

ashfajdvakds you look great dont worry murphy

**Jehovah’s Potato**

okay but no i dont

i never look great and i look even worse rn

**a broken record**

nah you look cute af

**lets get this astrobread**

Murphy

Why can I hear screams

What’s going on

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

lmao

you guys are so freaking weird

**lets get this astrobread**

MURPHY

Who is screaming

**Jehovah’s Potato**

noone

dont worry about that

**a broken record**

ashdjskgjkfjndf

**lets get this astrobread**

MURPHY

WHAT WAS THAT CRASH

I JUST WANTED TO GET POPCORN

**a broken record**

oh my god

#drama

**Jehovah’s Potato**

bring the popcorn

everythings fine

**meme to extreme**

#ravenstop

**lets get this astrobread**

WHY IS THE COUCH CUSHION IN THE HALL

**Jehovah’s Potato**

no reason

**a broken record**

i love this so much

pls tell me more

**lets get this astrobread**

So the sofa is destroyed and they’re whacking each other with pillows

And MCR is written on Miller’s cheek in eyeliner

**Jehovah’s Potato**

that was jasper not me

**a broken record**

you guys are actually the best

 

* * *

 

 

**To: Klark**

**Bellamy Blake**

**[20:21]**

murphy looks really cute even when with an emo makeover

i think i have a problem

**Klark**

what

emo makeover????

context

**Bellamy Blake**

his friend miller gave him an emo makeover, sent it to the group project chat and he looks really cute

**Klark**

do he and his friends are ever chill

**Bellamy Blake**

no

**Klark**

so you 100% have a crush

**Bellamy Blake**

yeah

help

**Klark**

im so excited for you!!!!!!

you two need to get together rn

**Bellamy Blake**

he probably doesnt like me back

**Klark**

Bearllamy

weve already established that hes queer

what queer guy doesnt like you

**Bellamy Blake**

plenty

do you not remember when we went to a gay bar to cheer raven up and lincoln who was pretty visibly dating my sister got hit on more than me

**Klark**

loads of people asked me for your number

and anyway

it doesnt matter how many queer guys like you

we just need murphy to

**Bellamy Blake**

you literally just made a point based on loads of queer guys liking me??

**Klark**

shhhhhh

dw

just trust me o and raven to get you your cute lizard boyfriend

**Bellamy Blake**

well

ill just pretend that its not a worrying statement

**Klark**

:D


	7. i hope you have lobster fun times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive completely forgotten what the names were last chapter for the chats so imma just write them all:
> 
> operation: murphamy:  
> raven - dramatique mechanique  
> octavia - an outdated meme  
> clarke - le princess
> 
>  
> 
> yabba babadubris:  
> babadubris - monty  
> cave urchin - murphy  
> cash cash cave rocks - jasper  
> emo dullard - miller
> 
>  
> 
> space squad:  
> meme to extreme - bellamy  
> a broken record - raven  
> jehovahs potato - murphy  
> lets get this astrobread - monty  
> pike hate squad - harper  
> viva la pluto - emori  
> woah calm down there javert - echo
> 
>  
> 
> youre a bitch bellamy blake:  
> fbi - clarke  
> gaygent - lexa  
> our lord and savior mechanicklemore - raven  
> exit pursued by a bearllamy - bellamy  
> bob roctavia - octavia  
> the happy tree - lincoln

**Operation: Murphamy**

**[23:54]**

**Dramatique Mechanique**

ya know

emo makeover murphy is actually pretty cute

like i keep looking at him and his stupid im-gonna-kill-you facial expression and ya know

hes kinda cute

**An Outdated Meme**

emo makeover murphy???????????

wHAT

WHY HAS NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS

**Le Princess**

bearllamy thinks he looks cute like that too

**Dramatique Mechanique**

wait

WHAT

**An Outdated Meme**

are yall gonna explain or what

**Le Princess**

yeah bell text me like help me pls murphys so cute i cant

it was so cute

**An Outdated Meme**

exCUSE ME

**Dramatique Mechanique**

they are so cute oml

i Stan

**An Outdated Meme**

AMERICA EXPLAIN

**Le Princess**

MURPHYS FRIEND GAVE HIM AN EMO MAKEOVER AND ONE OF THEM SENT A PIC OF IT TO THEIR PROJECT GC AND BELLAMY SAW IT AND THINKS HES CUTE LIKE THAT

IS THAT SUFFICIENT

**An Outdated Meme**

YES

IT IS SUFFICIENT

**Dramatique Mechanique**

lmao

#dramatic

**An Outdated Meme**

#stfu

**Le Princess**

#rude

**Dramatique Mechanique**

#^^^

#okaybutcanwetalkaboutbearllamyfindingemolizardcute

**An Outdated Meme**

okay but not with hastags

**Dramatique Mechanique**

fair

also

we really need to sort out the Plan to get the two of them together

**Le Princess**

okay but first

are we 100% sure murphy likes bellamy back???????????

**Dramatique Mechanique**

YES

you have not SEEN the way he looks at him when theyre studying together

**Le Princess**

okay

i just think we should be 100% so we dont put him in a super awkward situation a la douchefinn

**An Outdated Meme**

okay thats fair

**Dramatique Mechanique**

thats a good point

poor roma

do you think the yt video of her slapping finn is still up

**An Outdated Meme**

it is

one of the guys in my history class was like “FLASHBACK THURSDAY” and was playing it in class

trina delin slapped him hard enough to leave a handprint

mrs kane didnt even say anything

she just carried on teaching

**Dramatique Mechanique**

we Stan one kane and no one else

definitely one mr kane

one mr kane still wants me to do that one stupid multiple choice question which no one mr kane i shall not

mcfight me one mr kane

**Le Princess**

ANYWAY

we should check that murphy is 100% into bellamy so we dont have a roma finn situation

**An Outdated Meme**

we should

**Dramatique Mechanique**

i can do that

im the only one who actually knows him

so ill take that mission

**Le Princess**

cool

i was thinking

bearllamys and octavias birthday is coming up and we should do a party and invite lizard boy if he definitely likes our bear man

**An Outdated Meme**

thats a good idea

bellamy hasnt really had a birthday party in so long

he always organised stuff for me

saying he didnt like them

but he DESERVES a good party

and hes a liar

**Dramatique Mechanique**

BIRTHDAY BEAR BIRTHDAY BEAR

**Le Princess**

im thinking

wells dad owns the city of lights

so im gonna ask him if we can rent it out for a night

hopefully for free

and we can do like a nice meal and then have a partay

**An Outdated Meme**

make sure they get their hash browns

they are so wonderful

**Dramatique Mechanique**

and their milkshakes!!!!!!!

**Le Princess**

so definitely a good idea

if i can get it, o youve got to get bellamy there for the day

i want it to be a surprise

**An Outdated Meme**

i can do that

so my mission is to get bellamy there and not tell him

**Le Princess**

and make sure bellamys in a good outfit

**Dramatique Mechanique**

he needs to look amazing for murphy

**Le Princess**

if murphy 100% likes him

**Dramatique Mechanique**

yes

**An Outdated Meme**

so me and raven have our missions

what about you klork

**Le Princess**

im working on getting bellamys confidence up

and showing him what a good date is

like im sure a nice night out in that fancy italian place was cool for gina but i feel like murphy is a v different person and would enjoy something else

i reckon hes the kind of guy whod like to go see the lobsters fight in the supermarket

**Dramatique Mechanique**

yes

i barely know him

but 100% yes

**An Outdated Meme**

thats such a good date idea

i Stan

**Le Princess**

lexa took me for it

shes so great

**Dramatique Mechanique**

you have the best girlfriend ever im so jealous

**An Outdated Meme**

so me and lincoln are 100% doing that this weekend

thats our plans sorted

**Le Princess**

i hope you have lobster fun times

**Dramatique Mechanique**

as fun times as tom hardy

**An Outdated Meme**

so im definitely not sitting in a lobster tank but ill try

**Le Princess**

get lincoln too

he likes nature

get close to nature

sit with the lobsters

**Dramatique Mechanique**

akjbdbsvhv vjdbfhv bfkdfvsbxk cvdcbxhzvhkdb

**An Outdated Meme**

woah calm down there javert thats a long keysmash right there

**Le Princess**

javert would hate keysmashes tho

itd be a sign of delinquency

**An Outdated Meme**

especially since its in response to telling someone to sit in a lobster tank which might be some kind of trespassing or vandalism kind of thing

**Dramatique Mechanique**

i wanna sit in a lobster tank now

do you think sinclair would buy me one

**An Outdated Meme**

no

**Dramatique Mechanique**

well

:/

**Le Princess**

get one at college

**An Outdated Meme**

COLLEGE LOBSTERS

COLLEGE LOBSTERS

**Dramatique Mechanique**

COLLEGE LOBSTERS

COLLEGE LOBSTERS

**Le Princess**

COLLEGE LOBSTERS

COLLEGE LOBSTERS

**An Outdated Meme**

side note i Need to sleep

so night <3

**Le Princess**

night <3

**Dramatique Mechanique**

night!!!

 

* * *

  **YABBA BABADUBRIS**

 

**[11:01]**

**Babadubris**

Do you think my mom would kill me if I majored in astrobiology

**cave urchin**

probably not?

feels more like a bury you alive but with a way to get out kind of thing

**emo dullard**

thats weirdly specific

**cave urchin**

yeah

my mom did that once

but she passed out before she could like refill it so i just got out the basket thing and climbed out

**emo dullard**

are you okay?????? do we need to talk about that?????

**Babadubris**

I’m sending hugs

<333333

**cave urchin**

thanks guys but dw im fine

my social worker made me go through a whole lot of therapy for all that shit

**emo dullard**

well if you need anyone to talk to, you can come to any of us

<3

**cave urchin**

thanks

side note

the “war paint” on my arms still hasnt washed off

the fuck did you use

**emo dullard**

uh

**Babadubris**

War paint on arms??

When did you do that

**emo dullard**

when you went to get popcorn

**cave urchin**

hey nathan

what did you use on my arms

**emo dullard**

well

**cave urchin**

NATHAN

**emo dullard**

we thought it was permanent marker

but like

we kind of didnt read the label until after and it might take a week or two or three to wash away

**cave urchin**

nathan

**emo dullard**

jonathon

**cave urchin**

NATHAN

**emo dullard**

im gonna go

**Babadubris**

Murphy

Don’t kill him

Murder is illegal

**cave urchin**

dont worry

**Babadubris**

In fact

Don’t even hurt him

**cave urchin**

im not gonna hurt him

im just gonna bash his brains in

**Babadubris**

MURPHY

**cave urchin**

bash them right in

**Babadubris**

This is Not Good

 

 

**[11:28]**

**Babadubris**

MURPHY

 

 

**[11:45]**

**cash cash cave rocks**

cool shining reference bro

 

 

**[11:58]**

**emo dullard**

#NERDALERT

**cave urchin**

go float yourself nathan

 

 

 

**[12:07]**

**Babadubris**

Well at least no one is dead

Side note

If you’re ever going to like kill each other

Or just fight each other with pillows

Can you not do it at my house

There’s eyeliner in the carpet and I’ve had to google how to get rid of it before my Mom gets back

**cave urchin**

oooooops

sorry monty

id offer to help but my foster moms pissed i didnt tell her i was staying at yours

**cash cash cave rocks**

yeah sorry

im still grounded

for longer now

since i ignored it last night

**Babadubris**

Dw guys

Just please don’t do it again

I did not have an extensive enough emo phase to know how to get eyeliner out of carpets

**cash cash cave rocks**

yeah i did

**cave urchin**

*do

youre still in your emo phase jasper

**cash cash cave rocks**

um ACTUALLY

i think youll find im actually in my flat earth phase

**cave urchin**

asufhshdbvbhjsfv no

 

* * *

 

**To: John Murphy (LIZARD BOY)**

**Raven Reyes**

**[13:22]**

hey dude

this is kinda weird but can you get miller to give me makeup tips because his eyeliner is actually really good

 

 

**[13:48]**

**John Murphy (LIZARD BOY)**

sure?

is there anything like specific you want tips for because idk how you do eyeliner at all tbh so i need specifics if you want specific tips

**Raven Reyes**

you should learn tbh

it suits you 

**John Murphy (LIZARD BOY)**

it really doesnt but go off i guess

**Raven Reyes**

nah you look cute murphy

listen my dude

im friends with a lot of bi guys and gals and you in eyeliner is exactly their type

**John Murphy (LIZARD BOY)**

is there any reason youre giving me a pep talk about an emo makeover im never doing again or??????

**Raven Reyes**

nah

you just look good in eyeliner

**John Murphy (LIZARD BOY)**

?

**Raven Reyes**

also like eyeliner tips from miller

like just general tips?? Idk

im a disaster at eyeliner

and i need to Not so i can stop having to go to bearllamys house to ask him to help

**John Murphy (LIZARD BOY)**

ill ask him

bellamy doesnt wear eyeliner, does he??

**Raven Reyes**

nah

**John Murphy (LIZARD BOY)**

then why does he know how to do good eyeliner

thats a completely unnecessary skill for him to have

**Raven Reyes**

says the macaroni boy

**John Murphy (LIZARD BOY)**

go float yourself pasta penguin

**Raven Reyes**

he used to do his sisters makeup when they were younger

hes surprisingly good at it

**John Murphy (LIZARD BOY)**

why dont you ask him for tips then

**Raven Reyes**

because hes a bitch

**John Murphy (LIZARD BOY)**

so is miller tho

hes a bitch and i Stan him

**Raven Reyes**

yeah but i didnt send miller 400 lizard pictures

**John Murphy (LIZARD BOY)**

why would you even do that

thats so much effort

**Raven Reyes**

because i CARE about trolling my friends, murphy

**John Murphy (LIZARD BOY)**

clearly not since you sent a hellbender salamander during your figurative lizard stampede

**Raven Reyes**

how do you know that wasnt on purpose

**John Murphy (LIZARD BOY)**

because no one sends a salamander on purpose

salamanders arent important for that

**Raven Reyes**

THIS IS SALAMANDERPHOBIA

**John Murphy (LIZARD BOY)**

my client cant be salamanderphobic, he was on planet earth

**Raven Reyes**

asikjsdvbhrfvhbdfhb

side note

are you and bellamy done with your part of the presentation

**John Murphy (LIZARD BOY)**

lmao no

its so much more work than i signed up for

**Raven Reyes**

welcome to physics my pal

it sucks

**John Murphy (LIZARD BOY)**

yes it do

it really do

 

 

**[15:27]**

**John Murphy (LIZARD BOY)**

is it cool if i just give miller your number because i have literally no idea what he sent as tips

 

 

 

**To: John Murphy (LIZARD BOY)**

**[15:49]**

**Raven Reyes**

thats polio

WAIT NO

COOLIO NOT POLIO

POLIO IS NOT COOLIO

**John Murphy (LIZARD BOY)**

hot take: polio is not coolio

miller has your number so he will give you tips and be an emo and shit

**Raven Reyes**

coolio my dude

**John Murphy (LIZARD BOY)**

*polio my dude

**Raven Reyes**

youre never gonna let me live that down are you

**John Murphy (LIZARD BOY)**

(:

 

* * *

  **SPACE SQUAD**

 

**[15:52]**

_**Jehovah’s Potato** has set the nickname of **a broken record** to **polio is not coolio**_

**meme to extreme**

im not even going to ask

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

thats a good idea

just in general in this chat

**meme to extreme**

yeah

yeah it is

 

 

 

**[16:17]**

**polio is not coolio**

do you think i can work macaroni penguins into the presentation

**meme to extreme**

no

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

yeah how about you just no

**polio is not coolio**

BUT MACARONI PENGUINS

**meme to extreme**

NO.

**Jehovah’s Potato**

macaroni penguins arent italian so dont

**polio is not coolio**

what kind of wack logic is that

**Jehovah’s Potato**

its good logic raven

**polio is not coolio**

oh really??????????????

then explain

explain it

**lets get this astrobread**

Don’t tempt him

He’ll manage

**polio is not coolio**

explain it!

**Jehovah’s Potato**

so were doing it about a moon of jupiter and jupiter is the roman equivalent of zeus and rome is in italy so if macaroni penguins were from italy, it may be relevant, but because theyre not, theres not reason to include macaroni penguins over any other species of penguin, therefore it is not relevant 

**polio is not coolio**

i

**lets get this astrobread**

Told you 

**polio is not coolio**

am

**meme to extreme**

this is an activity into futility and yet its weirdly entertaining 

**polio is not coolio**

defeated

you have defeated me murphy

**Jehovah’s Potato**

(:

**lets get this astrobread**

Told you he would 

**polio is not coolio**

what are you? his cheerleader?

**lets get this astrobread**

No

I just know how to recognise a lost battle before its begun 

**polio is not Coolio**

rude

**lets get this astrobread**

(:

 

* * *

  **To: that Miller dude**

**[17:09]**

**Raven Reyes**

so i lied about needing makeup tips

what i really need to know is

does murphy are gay for bellamy

 

 

**[17:44]**

**that Miller dude**

murphy are bi for bellamy

murphy are very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very bi for bellamy

does bellamy are bi for murphy 

**Raven Reyes**

yas kween

bellamy are bi for murphy

**that Miller dude**

cool

**Raven Reyes**

cool

**that Miller dude**

cool 

**Raven Reyes**

cool

* * *

  **Operation: Murphamy**

 

**[17:49]**

_**Dramatique Mechanique** has sent [attachment screenshot391.png]_

**Dramatique Mechanique**

MURPHY ARE BI FOR BEARLLAMY

**Le Princess**

MURPHAMY

MURPHAMY

MURPHAMY 

**Dramatique Mechanique**

MURPHAMY

MURPHAMY

**An Outdated Meme**

phase one: completed

operation murphamy is officially underway 

**Dramatique Mechanique**

MURPHAMY

**Le Princess**

MURPHAMY

**An Outdated Meme**

MURPHAMY

 

 

**[19:01]**

**An Outdated Meme**

lincoln wont sit in the lobster tank

:’(

**Le Princess**

BITCH

 

* * *

  **youre a bitch bellamy blake**

 

**[19:02]**

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

ABRAHAM

WHY YOU NO SIT WITH THE LOBSTERS

**fBI**

SIT

WITH

THE

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

im not even going to ask

**fBI**

LOBSTERS

**Bob Roctavia**

_@the happy tree_

**gaygent**

i have no idea what this is about but SIT WITH THE LOBSTERS LINCOLN

i support my girlfriend 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

SIT WITH THE LOBSTERS

**Bob Roctavia**

SIT WITH THE LOBSTERS

**the happy tree**

im not sitting with the lobsters

**fBI**

SIT WITH THE LOBSTERS

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

i support lincolns right to not sit with with the lobsters

**gaygent**

SIT WITH THE LOBSTERS

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

whatever sitting with the lobsters means 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

SIT WITH THE LOBSTERS

**the happy tree**

im not climbing into a lobster tank and sitting in it

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

okay but what the fuck

**Bob Roctavia**

SIT WITH THE LOBSTERS

**the happy tree**

YOU SIT WITH THE LOBSTERS

**fBI**

YOU ARE THE HAPPY TREE

ONE WITH NATURE

SIT WITH THE LOBSTERS

**gaygent**

SIT WITH THE LOBSTERS 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

SIT WITH THE LOBSTERS

**Bob Roctavia**

SIT WITH THE LOBSTERS

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

why are we peer pressuring lincoln to sit with the lobsters

**fBI**

ONE WITH NATURE

SIT WITH LOBSTERS

**the happy tree**

IM NOT SITTING WITH THE LOBSTERS

**gaygent**

SIT WITH THE LOBSTERS LINCOLN

**the happy tree**

NO 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

LOBSTERS

**the happy tree**

NO

**Bob Roctavia**

LOBSTERS

**the happy tree**

NO

**Bob Roctavia**

LOBSTERS

**the happy tree**

NO

**fBI**

LOBSTERS

**the happy tree**

NO

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

i feel like im in a demented pantomime about lobsters 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

LOBSTERS

**the happy tree**

NO

**gaygent**

LOBSTERS

**the happy tree**

NO

**Bob Roctavia**

LOBSTERS

**the happy tree**

NO

**fBI**

LOBSTERS

**the happy tree**

I WILL NOT SIT WITH THE LOBSTERS NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU YELL THE WORD LOBSTER

I AM NOT EDDIE BROCK 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

LOBSTERS

**the happy tree**

NO LOBSTERS NO

I AM NOT GOING TO CLIMB INTO A LOBSTER TANK AND SIT DOWN BECAUSE THAT IS REALLY WEIRD AND I DON’T WANT TO GET BANNED FROM A FUCKING WALLMART

NO

**gaygent**

our wallmart has a lobster tank?

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

no

they went a town over to watch fighting lobsters

**fBI**

the one you took me to babe :* 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

LOBSTERS

**Bob Roctavia**

Lincoln has left the Wallmart 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

RUDE

**fBI**

BITCH 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

LOBSTERS

_**fBI** has set the group chat name to **LOBSTERS**_

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

are we just like

a lobster cult now

**fBI**

yes

yes we are

THE ULTIMATE LOBSTERS

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

… 

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

LOBSTERS

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

have you ever been chill in your life

**fBI**

LOBSTERS

 

* * *

  **To: that Miller dude**

**[19:19]**

**Raven Reyes**

tell murphy that bellamy doesnt like lobsters

  **that Miller dude**

i shall do so

thank you my liege 

**Raven Reyes**

(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

* * *

  **YABBA BABADUBRIS**

 

**[19:27]**

**emo dullard**

lobsters kinda suck dont they

**cash cash cave rocks**

not really but everyones entitled to their own opinions

**emo dullard**

fair 

**Babadubris**

Context??

**emo dullard**

theres no context

i was just thinking about how much i dont like lobsters 

**Babadubris**

Well okay then

**cave urchin**

lobsters are just overdramatic crabs who arent cool enough to be scoprions

**emo dullard**

YES

YES THEY DO

**Babadubris**

I am so confused

**cash cash cave rocks**

i am the literal embodiment of a lobster 

**Babadubris**

Isn’t a lobster the literal embodiment of a lobster????

**cash cash cave rocks**

shit u right

i wanna be a lobster

**emo dullard**

you really dont tho

**cash cash cave rocks**

shit u right 

**Babadubris**

Can someone explain to me what the actual fuck is happening

**emo dullard**

enlightenment is happening monty

enlightenment

**cave urchin**

enlobsterment 

**Babadubris**

Well okay then

 

* * *

  **To: Raven (?)**

**[19:41]**

**Nathan Miller**

murphy does not like the lobster

_**Nathan Miller** has sent [attachment screenshot34.png]_

**Raven (?)**

YAS QUEEN

* * *

  **To: BEARMAN**

**[19:43]**

**Raven Reyes**

yo

do you like lobsters

  

 

**[19:51]**

**Raven Reyes**

I KNOW YOU READ THIS BEARLLAMY

WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ON LOBSTERS

**BEARMAN**

I WAS NEUTRAL ON THEM UNTIL YOU STARTED A DEMENTED LOBSTER CULT

I NOW DISLIKE THEM

PLEASE STOP NOW

* * *

  **Operation: Murphamy**

 

**[19:57]**

**Dramatique Mechanique**

our bear man and lizard boy have the same opinion on lobsters

D E S T I N Y

_**Dramatique Mechanique** has sent [attachment screenshot392.png] and [attachment screenshot393.png]_

**Le Princess**

MURPHAMY 

**Dramatique Mechanique**

the lobsters will bring us the destined murphamy

**Le Princess**

that they will 

**Dramatique Mechanique**

that they will

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the word lobster doesnt even look real to me anymore


	8. meme to extreme sent [attachment justbecauseshaggydoesntneedvax.jpg]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uni sucks so heres another chapter of this so i can procrastinate trying to remember the difference between the tegmentum and tectum and all that stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think the only name change was raven in space squad from a broken record to polio is not coolio

 

 

**SPACE SQUAD**

 

**[10:01]**

**polio is not coolio**

hey murphy

why do you have shitty looking fake tattoos on your arms

**Jehovah’s Potato**

because nathan miller is a little bitch who Needs to learn HOW TO READ

**meme to extreme**

woah calm down there javert

**Jehovah’s Potato**

go float yourself

**meme to extreme**

you go float yourself

 

* * *

 

 

**Operation: Murphamy**

 

**[10:04]**

_**Dramatique Mechanique** has sent [attachment screenshot403.png]_

**Dramatique Mechanique**

Bear Man VS Lizard Boy: Sexual Tension Edition

**Le Princess**

i SHIP them so HARD

**Dramatique Mechanique**

big mood

 

* * *

 

 

**SPACE SQUAD**

 

**[10:05]**

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

what does go float yourself mean anyway

**lets get this astrobread**

It’s a boomerang earth thing, you wouldn’t understand

**Jehovah’s Potato**

asihfjksdhbhbj

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

you know what

fair

you guys make 0 sense normally

youll make less sense if you start talking about boomerang earth

**meme to extreme**

did we ever learn what boomerang earth was

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

AGAIN

**polio is not coolio**

we never did bearllamy

we never learned the wisdom of boomerang earth

**lets get this astrobread**

And you never will

**Jehovah’s Potato**

youll never be part of the earth boomergang

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

the wHAT

**Jehovah’s Potato**

the earth boomergang

**polio is not coolio**

i wanna be in the earth boomergang

**meme to extreme**

“earth boomergang”

**lets get this astrobread**

The Earth Boomergang is not currently taking applications

Please check again in a week

**polio is not coolio**

WHY CANT I BE IN THE EARTH BOOMERGANG

**Jehovah’s Potato**

ya not polio enough reyes

ya basic

**polio is not coolio**

eXCUSE ME

**meme to agree**

i agree with murphy tbh

ya basic raven

**polio is not coolio**

EXCUSE ME

**Jehovah’s Potato**

ya basic

accept it

**polio is not coolio**

EXCUSE ME

**Jehovah’s Potato**

youre excused

**polio is not coolio**

MCFIGHT ME MURPHY

**Jehovah’s Potato**

mcfighting me wont get you a spot in the earth boomergang my dude

youll never be polio enough

**polio is not coolio**

yeah because im VAXXED TO THE MAX

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

fair

_**meme to extreme** sent [attachment justbecauseshaggydoesntneedvax.jpg]_

**Jehovah’s Potato**

can i state for the record that the only non-vaxxed member of the earth boomergang is shaggy

the earth boomergang endorses vaccinations

VACCINATE YOUR KIDS

**polio is not coolio**

fuk u

shaggys not part of your boomergang

**lets get this astrobread**

Yes he is

**polio is not coolio**

yall are yelling me that SHAGGY believes in flat earth

**meme to extreme**

*boomerang earth

**polio is not coolio**

yall are telling me that SHAGGY believes in boomerang earth

**Jehovah’s Potato**

shaggy doesnt believe in anything raven

**lets get this astrobread**

He doesn’t need to

HE KILLED GOD

**Jehovah’s Potato**

but he KNOWS

HE KNOWS

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

i, for one, accept our new boomergang overlords

**meme to extreme**

i agree

**polio is not coolio**

i cant believe you claimed SHAGGY for your stupid gang

**Jehovah’s Potato**

then dont

youll just have to live with the consequences

**meme to extreme**

thats far more ominous than it has any right to be

well done murphy

**polio is not coolio**

okay but stfu bellamy

**Jehovah’s Potato**

okay but why do you keep risking shaggys wrath

dont insult his chosen ones

**polio is not coolio**

MCFIGHT ME

**Jehovah’s Potato**

mcfight yourself hornswoggler

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

mcwhat now

 

* * *

 

 

**Operation: Murphamy**

 

**[10:19]**

_**Dramatique Mechanique** has sent [attachment screenshot404.png]_

**Dramatique Mechanique**

i think this count as flirting, right?????

**An Outdated Meme**

yes

yes it do

MURPHAMY

**Le Princess**

i genuinely want to adopt murphy tho

hes so funny wtf

**Dramatique Mechanique**

ikr

him and monty in a gc together genuinely kills me

**An Outdated Meme**

im so happy this is the guy bellamy has decided to have a crush on

i 100% approve

**Dramatique Mechanique**

MURPHAMY

**Le Princess**

MURPHAMY

**An Outdated Meme**

MURPHAMY

 

* * *

 

 

**SPACE SQUAD**

 

**[10:36]**

**VIVA LA PLUTO**

everytime i check this gc, you guys get weirder and weirder

 

 

**[12:01]**

_**woah calm down there javert** sent [attachment screenshot11.png]_

**woah calm down there javert**

is anyone actually inviting their parents to this

**meme to extreme**

no

**VIVA LA PLUTO**

no

**polio is not coolio**

me neither

sinclair has more important things than watch a bunch of teenagers mess up some physics

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

who invites their parents to come watch a physics group project

pike is so weird

he thinks his class is so much more important than it is

like im taking this for my college application and literaly nothing else pike

calm the fuck down dude

**lets get this astrobread**

Oh god no

**Jehovah’s Potato**

asfhhdhfds if your mom even heard that she could go, shed 100% come

**lets get this astrobread**

Which is why she is not going to find out about this

EVER

**polio is not coolio**

what about you murphy

you inviting your parents???

**Jehovah’s Potato**

unless a physics presentation is suddenly important enough to get temporary release from prison, probably not

pikes a self righteous asshole but i doubt hes that egotistical that he thinks his projects are THAT important

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

i wouldnt put it past him

**meme to extreme**

yeah no he definitely thinks his projects are that important

**polio is not coolio**

hey bearllamy

remember last year when he tried to take you under his wing and make you his star student

**meme to extreme**

dont remind me

that was so fucking weird

he tried to convince me to sabotage indras daughters history test so ‘his star student would have better probability of being on the honour roll’

i didnt even realise indra had a daughter

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

why does he hate indra so much

shes like the one cool teacher

**Jehovah’s Potato**

probably because of that

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

yeah

**VIVA LA PLUTO**

pike is the actual worst

**meme to extreme**

yeah he is

 

* * *

 

 

**YABBA BABADUBRIS**

 

**[13:14]**

**emo dullard**

yo dudes

are you all up for dennys after school

**cash cash cave rocks**

did you ask us to go to dennys????

even IM better than that miller

**emo dullard**

fine

ihop?

**Babadubris**

*ihob

**emo dullard**

IHOP?

**cave urchin**

*IHOB?

**emo dullard**

why do i even bother with you heathens

**cash cash cave rocks**

im cool to skip out on grounding for pancakes

**Babadubris**

*Bancakes

**cash cash cave rocks**

im cool to skip out on grounding for bancakes

**Babadubris**

I’m up for bancakes

**emo dullard**

cool

murphy??

**cave urchin**

i want bancakes

but my foster mom wants me home as soon as school is over for some meeting thing

**emo dullard**

you okay???

**cave urchin**

yeah

my social workers probably visiting or something

idk

ill be fine tho dw

**emo dullard**

text us if you need any help

**cave urchin**

will do

**Babadubris**

Hey Murphy

Why don’t you invite your foster mom to come to Pike’s presentation

**cave urchin**

lmao okay monty

ill invite nia as soon as you invite your mom

**cash cash cave rocks**

can i come to your presentation

ill be your fake foster dad

**cave urchin**

jasper

you look like youre eternally 11 years old

**emo dullard**

so do you johnathon

**cave urchin**

go float yourself nathan

**emo dullard**

stfu overdramatic crab

also

me and jasper are 100% finding a way to watch your presentation

**cave urchin**

no

i will kill you in your sleep

**emo dullard**

lmao calm down edward cullen

**cash cash cave rocks**

well actually

edward only watched bella in her sleep and never actually killed her

she was like momentarily killed by their child

not edward

yall are a fake fan miller

**cave urchin**

why do we keep referring to each other as plurals when we are

in fact

singular

**Babadubris**

Why are we talking about Twilight

_**cash cash cave rocks** sent [attachment jadensmithtweet4.png]_

**emo dullard**

why the fuck do you have a jaden smith tweet ready to send that quick

**cash cash cave rocks**

why dont you

**emo dullard**

well

:/

**cave urchin**

because we dont relate to thirteen year olds who think theyre so ,,,,,…deep..

**emo dullard**

why so many commas man

**Babadubris**

So Many Commas Man is my favourite superhero

**emo dullard**

okay but fuck you in particular monty

 

 

 

**[13:31]**

**cave urchin**

asfbhdbvsvhbjbhjbhj

**emo dullard**

what

my text was not worthy of a keysmash

what happened?

murphy??? monty?????

jasper?

**cash cash cave rocks**

i have no idead dude

**cave urchin**

pike took montys phone away

and read the texts out loud

like fully read out yabba babadubris

OUT LOUD

**cash cash cave rocks**

omg

**cave urchin**

like he read all of our nicknames out

i cant even begin to describe the experience of hearing an adult man say cash cash cave rocks cave urchin emo dullard and babadubris out loud in a neutral yet increasingly more confused tone

he started at lmao calm down edward cullen

**emo dullard**

asuifdsbjjjdfg

**cave urchin**

and it just got worse and worse

one of the guys asked pike to do it in voices

i fucking died dude

i think you should get monty extra bancakes after school because hes so embarassed oh my god

**cash cash cave rocks**

does he know youre cave urchin

**cave urchin**

it didnt come up

and im gonna not text you other than that update so pike does not find out about that because i cannot do a repeat performance of that

**emo dullard**

fair

 

* * *

 

 

**SPACE SQUAD**

 

**[13:33]**

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

monty

i love you

ik you cant read this rn but thank you oml that was great

**woah calm down there javert**

that was the best thing ive ever seen in my entire life

**polio is not coolio**

ashisddsjvhauidh i just wow

ive never seen pike look so angry and yet confused before

**meme to extreme**

i cant get over him pretending he didnt know who edward cullen was

EVERYONE knows edward cullen is

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

are we not gonna talk about yabba babdubris

what does that even mean

i Stan

whatever the fuck that was

**woah calm down there javert**

cash cash cave rocks though

the way pike read that just

i am now dead

**polio is not coolio**

cave urchin???

thats 100% murphy

idc if its not

it should be

**VIVA LA PLUTO**

“so many commas man is my favourite superhero”

**meme to extreme**

are we not gonna talk about pike attempting to imitate the :/ face

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

monty

murphy

you guys are the best

**polio is not coolio**

you really are

 

 

 

 

**[13:59]**

**Jehovah’s Potato**

im am

in fact

cave urchin

**polio is not coolio**

I KNEW IT

**meme to extreme**

i mean isnt that obvious from the timonthy from athens

**polio is not coolio**

wut

**Jehovah’s Potato**

wow youre a nerd bellamy

**polio is not coolio**

america EXPLAIN

**meme to extreme**

its a shakespeare play

timon of athens

its about a guy who goes and lives in a cave

**Jehovah’s Potato**

yeah

youre such a nerd

**meme to extreme**

so are you

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

can we get context for babadubris

**cave urchin**

babadubris is when your fatal flaw is a lacking Babadook

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

wut

**polio is not coolio**

wow mood

**woah calm down there javert**

why were you talking about twilight

**lets get this astrobread**

Because Murphy threatened to kill Miller in his sleep

**meme to extreme**

any particular reason for that??

**Jehovah’s Potato**

because hes a little bitch

**lets get this astrobread**

Miller wanted to sneak in to watch the presentation

**meme to extreme**

okay the death threat is justified

**Jehovah’s Potato**

thank you

**polio is not coolio**

is cash cash cave rocks jasper

**lets get this astrobread**

Yes

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

i love you guys so much

 

* * *

 

 

**To: BEARMAN**

**[14:21]**

**Raven Reyes**

youre so in love with murphy its disgustingly cute

 

 

**[14:41]**

**BEARMAN**

okay im NOT IN LOVE with him

hes just really cute

and funny

and smart

and yeah

but im not in love with him

**Raven Reyes**

sure jan

**BEARMAN**

were not in a disney movie

we met like two weeks ago

**Raven Reyes**

fair

you two are so cute together

you can nerd out about wouldiwas shookspeared together

and he said you were the chosen one

clearly he bi for you

**BEARMAN**

“wouldiwas shookspeared”

**Raven Reyes**

dont bring what i have autosaved to replace words in my phone instead of actually acknowledging my point bear man

**BEARMAN**

raven

he said i was the chosen one to insult you using a scooby doo meme

i dont think thats proof that he likes me

**Raven Reyes**

he likes you

trust me

aunty raven knows

**BEARMAN**

never refer to yourself as aunty raven again

im begging you

**Raven Reyes**

FOR MERCY

YEAH YEAH

**BEARMAN**

no

**Raven Reyes**

WHY WONT YOU RELEASE ME

 

 

**To: BEARMAN**

**[14:57]**

**Raven Reyes**

IM BEGGING YOU FOR MERCY

 

 

**To: BEARMAN**

**[15:06]**

**Raven Reyes**

YOU GOT ME BEGGING

 

 

**To: BEARMAN**

**[15:13]**

**Raven Reyes**

YOU GOT ME BEGGING

 

 

**To: BEARMAN**

**[15:21]**

**Raven Reyes**

YOU GOT ME BEGGING

 

 

**To: BEARMAN**

**[15:25]**

**Raven Reyes**

MERCY

WHY WON’T YOU RELEASE ME

**BEARMAN**

STOP SENDING ME DUFFY LYRICS

**Raven Reyes**

IM BEGGING YOU FOR MERCY

 

* * *

 

 

**LOBSTERS**

 

**[15:27]**

**exit, pursued by a bearllmay**

RAVEN

STOP SENDING ME DUFFY LYRICS

**the happy tree**

why does this always happen in this chat

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

I LOVE YOU

BUT I GOTTA STAY TRUE

**fBI**

MY MORALS GOT ME ON MY KNEES

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

no

**fBI**

IM BEGGING PLEASE

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

STOP PLAYING GAMES

**gaygent**

I DONT KNOW WHAT THIS IS

BUT YOU’VE GOT ME GOOD

**fBI**

JUST LIKE YOU KNEW YOU WOUUUUULD

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU DO

BUT YOU DO IT WELL

**fBI**

IM UNDER YOUR SPELL

**Bob Roctavia**

IM UNDER YOUR SPELL

YOU GOT ME BEGGING YOU FOR MERCY

**gaygent**

WHY WONT YOU RELEASE ME

**the happy tree**

release me from this fucking group chat

**fBI**

YOU GOT ME BEGGING YOU FOR MEEEERCY

**Bob Roctavia**

WHY WONT YOU RELEASE ME

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

I SAID RELEASE ME

NOW YOU THINK THAT I WILL BE SOMETHING ON THE SIDE

**fBI**

BUT YOU GOT TO UNDERSTAND

THAT I NEED A MAN

**Bob Roctavia**

WHO CAN TAKE MY HAND

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

YES I DO

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

i dont

i really dont

**gaygent**

I DONT KNOW WHAT THIS IS

BUT YOU GOT ME GOOD

**Bob Roctavia**

JUST LIKE YOU KNEW YOU WOULD

**fBI**

I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU DO

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

BUT YOU DO IT WELL

IM UNDER YOUR SPELL

**fBI**

YOU GOT ME BEGGING YOU FOR MERCY

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

im begging you

please stop

**Bob Roctavia**

WHY WONT YOU RELEASE ME

**the happy tree**

they wont stop bell

**gaygent**

WHY WONT YOU RELEASE ME

YOU GOT ME BEGGING YOU FOR MERCY

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

i know lincoln

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

WHY WONT YOU RELEASE ME

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

i know

**fBI**

I SAID YOUD BETTER RELEASE ME

**gaygent**

YEAH

YEAH

YEAH

**Bob Roctavia**

YEAH

IM BEGGING YOU FOR MERCY

**gaygent**

JUST WHY WONT YOU RELEASE ME

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

IM BEGGING YOU FOR MERCY

YOU GOT ME BEGGING

**fBI**

YOU GOT ME BEGGING

**gaygent**

YOU GOT ME BEGGING

MERCY

**Bob Roctavia**

WHY WONT YOU RELEASE ME

**fBI**

okay but this is song is so long wtf

**meme to extreme**

are you done now

**fBI**

IM BEGGING YOU FOR MERCY

**meme to extreme**

…

 

* * *

 

 

**YABBA BABADUBRIS**

 

**[17:23]**

**cave urchin**

i cant believe i missed bancakes for a like hour and fifteen minute long conversation just to find out my foster mom is expanding her child quota to get more money

dude theres already like ten of us

i wouldnt have fucking noticed if you added another one

we dont talk to each other

why does this need a longass conversation

i want my bancakes

and instead i get this bullshit

**cash cash cave rocks**

that sucks

ill buy you bancakes next time we go to ihob

**Babadubris**

Are we not going to talk about the use of the phrase “child quota”

**cave urchin**

it’s the most fitting word

its not like she cares about us

she feeds and houses us

and thats sufficient

**cash cash cave rocks**

thats what they yelled at the end of shin kicking

**Babadubris**

At the end of what??

**cave urchin**

shin kicking

i have no idea what it is but he couldnt have been clearer if he tried

**Babadubris**

Stfu Mr Technicalty

What is shin kicking

**cash cash cave rocks**

its a sport in the north of england where they kick each other in the shins until someone gives up and yells sufficient

**cave urchin**

that sounds like my kind of sport

**Babadubris**

Why do you even know that Jasper???

**cash cash cave rocks**

because

SHIN KICKING

**Babadubris**

Well okay then

 

 

**[18:57]**

**emo dullard**

murphy are you actually getting another foster sibiling then

like are we gonna get a new kid at school

**cave urchin**

idk

last one was someone who had a scholarship to that school near the lake

the fancy ass one

so she didnt move schools

idk if theyll move anyone to arkadia for our foster house

its pretty shit tbh

**emo dullard**

oh

also

i still want ihob

so can we go again tomorrow

**cash cash cave rocks**

i want to so bad

i cant tho

because im still grounded

but you guys should

**cave urchin**

i want ihob

**Babadubris**

I’m up for it still

I’m meant to work on my part of the project tomorrow but I just Can Not

**emo dullard**

cool

**cave urchin**

cool

 

* * *

 

 

**To: Murphy’s Daddy’s Friend**

**[19:08]**

**Nathan Miller**

yo yo yo yo

murphy likes ihop

tell bellamy to take him to ihop for a data at some point

**Murphy’s Daddy’s Friend**

will do

muchas gracias cool dude

**Nathan Miller**

no

muchas gracias to you

murphy needs more happiness in his life tbh and deserves a cute boyfriend so thanks for doing this

**Murphy’s Daddy’s Friend**

youre a good friend miller

**Nathan Miller**

nah

im just being a friend

**Murphy’s Daddy’s Friend**

still

<3

send murphy love from me

like dont say it was me because its probably weird but ya know

**Nathan Miller**

ya i know

<3

**Murphy’s Daddy’s Friend**

<3

* * *

 

 

**YABBA BABADUBRIS**

 

**[20:01]**

**emo dullard**

i love you guys a lot btw

<3333

**cash cash cave rocks**

love you too!!!!!

**Babadubris**

<33333333

I love you idiots a lot

**emo dullard**

<3

 

 

 

**[20:47]**

**cave urchin**

<3<3<3


	9. whats he gonna do? shake spear at me????

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which there are cockroaches and plot

 

**237 Elm Street**

 

**[21:29]**

**Niylah Harmon**

heads up the new kid is coming from azgeda

**Atom Ward**

seriously??

azgeda?

**Niylah Harmon**

yep

i just heard nia on the phone with the social worker

**Atom Ward**

ugh

this is gonna suck

 

 

**[21:58]**

**Shay Cooper**

Since when has Nia took in Azgeda kids??

She made it super clear to my social worker that she only accepted “kids from respectable homes”

She made such a big deal out of it

Like would not shut up

Specficially referenced Azgeda and everything

**John Murphy**

as if

she just wanted the money you give her, she doesnt give a fuck where youre from or who you are

plus shes from azgeda

she grew up there

**Shay Cooper**

She is?

**John Murphy**

yeah

**Niylah Harmon**

shes always talks about it if you get in trouble

some spiel about how good of a life she made herself despite her upbringing

trying to make you feel guilty about not being some miracle kid

**John Murphy**

what a great life that is

housing kids you hate

she say when the kids moving in??

**Niylah Harmon**

nope

sounding like itll be soon though

**John Murphy**

great

**Shay Cooper**

There was a riot in Azgeda a few weeks ago, wasn’t there?

**Atom Ward**

theres always a riot in azgeda

**John Murphy**

i mean yeah but the one two weeks ago was pretty big

apparently some kids ended up in juvie

**Atom Ward**

where do you hear that

**John Murphy**

my social worker told me

**Atom Ward**

why

**John Murphy**

why do you think atom

**Niylah Harmon**

do you think the new kid might be one of the kids from the riots

**John Murphy**

probably

**Atom Ward**

ugh

 

* * *

 

**YABBA BABADUBRIS**

 

**[08:21]**

**emo dullard**

the very nice and pleasant lady in the shop: hi!

murphy, a true wordsmith: no

**cave urchin**

must you EXPOSE me like this

**cash cash cave rocks**

asuhfdshdhjsggbjrsj

i love you murphy

**emo dullard**

it was so funny oml

he looked so panicked right after

sdbjkdffjerbf

**cave urchin**

listen

**emo dullard**

this should be good

**cave urchin**

i thought she was going to offer me a product or something so i had my automated no response ready to go and she said hi but i didnt have time to process that so i just said no and then realised like shit that was not how human persons greet each other

it was an accident

**Babadubris**

“human persons”

**cave urchin**

human persons

**Babadubris**

Human Persons

**cave urchin**

h u m a n  p e r s o n s

**emo dullard**

h

u

m

a

**Babadubris**

HUMAN PERSONS

**emo dullard**

n

p

**cave urchin**

H U M A N  P E R S O N S

**emo dullard**

e

r

s

**cash cash cave rocks**

snosrep namuh

o

n

s

snosrep namuh????

**cash cash cave rocks**

snosrep namuh

**cave urchin**

s

n

o

s

**emo dullard**

snosrep namuh?????????????

**cave urchin**

r

e

p

n

a

m

u

h

**cash cash cave rocks**

suosɹǝd uɐɯnɥ

**Babadubris**

What are we even doing???

**cave urchin**

i have 0 clue

snosrep namuh

**cash cash cave rocks**

snosrep namuh

**emo dullard**

snosrep namuh

**Babadubris**

..

snosrep namuh

_**cash cash cave rocks** has set the group chat name to **snosrep namuh**_

**emo dullard**

i approve

**cave urchin**

thank god the king of the emos approves

**emo dullard**

sweaty, im the QUEEN of the emos

**cave urchin**

did you just use the word sweaty in 2019

**emo dullard**

maybe i did bitch

watchu gone do bout it

**Babadubris**

You should definitely not say that to Murphy

**cash cash cave rocks**

yeah you should just not

**emo dullard**

whats he gonna do? shake spear at me????

**cash cash cave rocks**

imma shaking my spear with pride

**emo dullard**

shakin my spear with the boys

**Babadubris**

Cause the players gonna play play play play play, and the haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate, baby I’m just gonna shake shake shake shake shake, I shake my spear

I shake my spear

**emo dullard**

shake it real good

**cash cash cave rocks**

is anyone else spooked that le murphy has not messaged since the threat????

**Babadubris**

I’m real spooked tbh

**emo dullard**

dont be spooked

whats he gonna do

**Babadubris**

I don’t want to know

 

 

**[09:01]**

**cash cash cave rocks**

i really dont wanna know

 

 

**[10:23]**

**cash cash cave rocks**

this gc having receipts is the worst because this makes me more spooked

**emo dullard**

dont be spooked

hes not gonna do anything

 

 

**[10:39]**

**emo dullard**

murphy

when

did you

FIND THE TIME

to put

COCKROACHES

in my lOCKER

**cash cash cave rocks**

he did wHAT

**emo dullard**

he put cockroaches in my locker

or at least im 90% certain it was him

either way

there are cockroaches in my locker

**cash cash cave rocks**

where did you even get cockroaches

**emo dullard**

idk man idk

indra wants to caution off the whole corridor because of it tho

**cash cash cave rocks**

ashdshfbherbjdjhdrbvbverfbbjv i love you murphy

 

 

**[10:31]**

**cave urchin**

there are cockroaches in the bio lab but im not admitting to anything

 

* * *

 

**LOBSTERS**

 

**[10:33]**

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

does anyone know why the east corridor is blocked off

**fBI**

which east corridor

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

the eastest

**fBI**

the eastest east corridor?

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

the eastest east

**the happy tree**

what

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

there are cockroaches in nathan millers locker

**the happy tree**

wHAT

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

cockroaches????

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

cockroaches

**fBI**

y r there cockroaches in his locker

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

i have no idea

but indra blocked off the entire corridor

**fBI**

isnt nathan miller one of lizard boys friends

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

bearllamy?

can you confirm

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

…

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

BEARLLAMY

CAN YOU CONFIRM

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

YES

**fBI**

that entire friend group sounds like a hoot

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

“a hoot”

**the happy tree**

“a hoot”

**fBI**

whats wrong with a hoot

they are a hoot

i am sure

a hoot

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

i agree

they are a hoot

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

if i cant get to gym because the corridor is blocked off on account of cockroach infested locker, can i just not go

**the happy tree**

im pretty sure thats not how things work

**fBI**

come starbucks with me

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

does it have to be starbucks

**fBI**

fine

come to the fake 50s milkshake place with me

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

okay

_**fBI** sent [attachment fingergunsbutcool.png]_

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

dont you have calculus rn clarke

**fBI**

technically

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

well then

_**fBI** sent [attachment fingergunsbutcool.png]_

 

 

**[10:58]**

**gaygent**

why cockroaches when lobsters exist

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

LOBSTERS

**gaygent**

LOBSTERS

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**  

not again

please no

**gaygent**

LOBSTERS

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

LOBSTERS

**gaygent**

LOBSTERS

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

LOBSTERS

**gaygent**

LOBSTERS

 

 

**[11:12]**

**Bob Roctavia**

LOBSTERS

 

 

**[11:24]**

**gaygent**

LOBSTERS

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

LOBSTERS

**fBI**

LOBSTERS

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

why are you like this

**fBI**

LOBSTERS

**Bob Roctavia**

LOBSTERS

 

* * *

 

**SPACE SQUAD**

 

**[13:03]**

**meme to extreme**

so you know how pikes class is cancelled on behalf of cockroaches infesting the corridor

which is super over dramatic since theres like ten other ways to get to his classroom which is nowhere near the cockroaches

but since we were supposed to collate what we all have so far and we dont have another lesson until next week, should we meet up beforehand so we dont fall behind

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

yeah probably

**polio is not coolio**

thats a good idea

surprisingly 

**meme to extreme**

just fuck off forever raven

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

woah calm down there javert

**Jehovah’s Potato**

im so happy my stupid sentence has become a thing for no reason

i have one (1) accomplishment in my life

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

wow mood

**polio is not coolio**

so when we meeting up mah dudes 

**meme to extreme**

“mah dudes”

**polio is not coolio**

stfu bear man

**Jehovah’s Potato**

“stfu bear man”

**polio is not coolio**

stfu lizard boy

**Jehovah’s Potato**

im more of a salamander than a lizard but go off i guess

**polio is not coolio**

youre too cute to be a salamander murphy

youre at least lizard level

**Jehovah’s Potato**

youre wrong but okay

**polio is not coolio**

100% not

youre cuter than a salamander

isnt he bear man 

**meme to extreme**

yeah

**polio is not coolio**

 

see

**woah calm down there javert**

can we organise a time or are you still talking about salamanders

**polio is not coolio**

is everyone free tomorrow after school?????

**meme to extreme**

yeah

**Jehovah’s Potato**

both me and monty are

**woah calm down there javert**

im good with that

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

same

**VIVA LA PLUTO**

me too

**polio is not coolio**

cool

meet in the library???

**woah calm down there javert**

thats good 

**meme to extreme**

cool

**polio is not coolio**

cool

side note

murphy monty

why were there cockroaches in millers locker

**Jehovah’s Potato**

no reason 

**meme to extreme**

murphy

did you put cockroahces in millers locker

**Jehovah’s Potato**

im not admitting to anything

**polio is not coolio**

asfdhishghhjreh 

**meme to extreme**

why

hypothetically

**Jehovah’s Potato**

hypothetically i would not remember

like genuinely

hypothetically

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

i love you murphy

**polio is not coolio**

thats a mood right there

 

* * *

 

**Operation: Murphamy**

 

**[13:31]**

**Dramatique Mechanique**

hypothetically

our lizard boy was the one who put the cockroaches in the locker 

**An Outdated Meme**

i love this boy

**Le Princess**

he is the actual best

one of them got in finns hair and screamed

niylah sent me a video of it

**Dramatique Mechanique**

SEND ME IT

**Le Princess**

CHECK YO SNAPCHAT

**Dramatique Mechanique**

THANK YOU

also

bearllamy called murphy cute today

in our project gc 

**An Outdated Meme**

they are so cute

i cant wait for them to actually start dating

theyll be so freaking cute

**Le Princess**

if either of them used instagram, theyd be gay instagram goals

**Dramatique Mechanique**

its tragic that they dont 

**An Outdated Meme**

press f to pay respects

**Le Princess**

F 

**An Outdated Meme**

F

**Dramatique Mechanique**

F

**Le Princess**

F

 

* * *

**Sparrow Campesinos**

**[14:01]**

YOU THINK MURPHY IS CUTTTE 

**Bellamy Blake**

is this news to you raven

i thought you and clarke would “sort it all out” or whatever it is she said

still dont believe that btw

**Sparrow Campesinos**

YEAH BUT YOU JUST ADMITTED IT IN THE GROUP CHAT 

**Bellamy Blake**

yes because “youre cuter than a salamander” is equal to “youre cute”

**Sparrow Campesinos**

you genuinely think hes cute tho

keep telling him that 

**Bellamy Blake**

…

why do you even care

**Sparrow Campesinos**

because you deserve a cute boyfriend bellamy

and lizard boy is cute

DATE 

**Bellamy Blake**

IM TRYING

**Sparrow Campesinos**

GOOD 

**Bellamy Blake**

GOOD

**Sparrow Campesinos**

GOOD 

**Bellamy Blake**

GOOD

ARE WE DONE

**Sparrow Campesinos**

FOR NOW 

**Bellamy Blake**

WONDERFUL

* * *

 

**snosrep namuh**

 

**[14:31]**  

**emo dullard**

are we still ihobing after school

**cave urchin**

yes

 

 

**[14:59]**

**Babadubris**

Is your locker clear from cockroaches yet Miller 

**emo dullard**

nope

i have to admit

jonathan

that was a pretty good prank

you even blocked off an entire part of the school and got like tons of classes cancelled

**cave urchin**

of course it was

it was my idea 

**emo dullard**

calm down dude youre not that great

**cave urchin**

says the guy with cockroaches in his lockers 

**emo dullard**

well

youve got me in a box here

**Babadubris**

How is it not clear yet?

How long does it take to get cockroaches out of a locker??? 

**emo dullard**

idk man

**cash cash cave rocks**

itll take ages

the roaches will try and get away from them and itll be difficult to get them out of all the crevices without an actual exterminator which the school are 100% not going to hire because money

cockroaches hate humans

like fully clean themselves if they come into contact with a human 

**emo dullard**

well that explains jonathon

**cave urchin**

go float yourself miller

also

you spell my name differently every time you do that

why 

**emo dullard**

inconsistency is the key to consistency my dear

**Babadubris**

You sound like a knockoff Jasper

**cave urchin**

asfdhskkjjr 

**emo dullard**

i feel attacked rn

**cave urchin**

good

**cash cash cave rocks**

#savage

**cave urchin**

#no

 

  

**[15:37]**

**emo dullard**

jasperrrrrrr

where are youuuuuu

i want my bancakesssssssssssss

**cash cash cave rocks**

ill be there in a sec 

**emo dullard**

whats taking so long

**cash cash cave rocks**

well if SOMEONE hadnt gotten the eastest corridor blocked off, id be there by now 

**emo dullard**

JONATHON

**cave urchin**

oops

 

* * *

 

**237 Elm Street**

 

**[16:26]**

**Atom Ward**

so the new kid has “violent tendencies” according to nia

**John Murphy**

dont we all

**Atom Ward**

shut up murphy 

**Niylah Harmon**

is nia ever going to realise how easy it is to eavesdrop on her

**John Murphy**

i dont think she cares tbh

as long as we dont bother her who gives a fuck what we do

**Atom Ward**

thats true

 

* * *

 

**snosrep namuh**

 

**[16:29]**

**emo dullard**

what you doing on your phone jonathon

**cave urchin**

nothing 

**emo dullard**

sounds suspicious to me

**cave urchin**

sounds like youre paranoid to me

**cash cash cave rocks**

#parANOia

**cave urchin**

#no

 

 

**[17:51]**

**Babadubris**

Jasper

I’ve been rereading that message for like twenty minutes now

Why are the letters capatalised

Why those ones

**cash cash cave rocks**

yANO

**Babadubris**

No

No I don’t

That’s why I asked 

**emo dullard**

thats a good question

**cash cash cave rocks**

yANO

**Babadubris**

No

No we don’t

We’ve gone through this

WHAT DOES IT MEAN

**cash cash cave rocks**

yANO 

**emo dullard**

we really dont tho

america explain

**cash cash cave rocks**

yANO

**Babadubris**

Jasper please

**cash cash cave rocks**

yANO

**Babadubris**

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

**cash cash cave rocks**

yANO 

**emo dullard**

what does yANO mean

**cash cash cave rocks**

oh

yANO

**Babadubris**

JASPER

**cave urchin**

what the fuck is going on

**cash cash cave rocks**

yANO

**cave urchin**

no

 

 

**[18:32]**

**cash cash cave rocks**

yANO

**cave urchin**

no

 

* * *

 

**To: John Murphy :)  
**

**[18:55]**

**Bellamy Blake**

hey so my memory cards not working at all for some reason and i only have my half of the powerpoint on my laptop, do you have the full one?

**John Murphy :)  
**

i dont think so

i have my half on my phone

but thats it 

**Bellamy Blake**

okay

**John Murphy :)  
**

i can send you my half and you could put them together maybe?

id do it but one of the kids in my foster house is hogging the computer so i probably wont get the chance until like nine if im lucky 

**Bellamy Blake**

thats fine

can you do it via the school system?

**John Murphy :)  
**

yeah 

**Bellamy Blake**

thanks :)

**John Murphy :)  
**

thank you for doing it

we really need more than one computer in this house 

**Bellamy Blake**

how do you even manage that

id die if i had to share a computer with octavia

**John Murphy :)  
**

tbf shes your actual sister so itll be a lot more awkward if you had to share

literally no one cares what your search history is as long as you dont search something that will lose everyone their computer privelleges 

**Bellamy Blake**

good point

thanks again

**John Murphy :)  
**

its literally no problem

its my grade too

and youre offering to do all the work 

**Bellamy Blake**

its not that much work

**John Murphy :)  
**

still

i should be the one to thank you

so

thanks 

**Bellamy Blake**

that was a very stilted thanks

but

youre

welcome

i guess

**John Murphy :)  
**

ashsdhsrvs go float yourself kid 

**Bellamy Blake**

kid?

youre like two foot smaller than me

**John Murphy :)  
**

youre like an inch taller than me calm down 

**Bellamy Blake**

im pretty sure its closer to two foot but go off i guess

kid

**John Murphy :)  
**

fuck you

kid 

**Bellamy Blake**

just cause frank iero is taller than you doesnt mean you have to be vulgar

kid

**John Murphy :)  
**

really

really

did you just

bellamy

im disappointed in you

kid

freaking mcr 

**Bellamy Blake**

are you not a member of the mcrmy murphy

**John Murphy :)  
**

no 

**Bellamy Blake**

are you sure about that

**John Murphy :)  
**

yes 

**Bellamy Blake**

really sure??

**John Murphy :)  
**

yes 

**Bellamy Blake**

so youre not a young boy

**John Murphy :)  
**

no 

**Bellamy Blake**

and your father never took you to the city?

**John Murphy :)  
**

NO 

**Bellamy Blake**

and you never saw a parade??

**John Murphy :)  
**

BLOCKED 

**Bellamy Blake**

and your father never said KID when you grow up

**John Murphy :)  
**

go float yourself

KID 

**Bellamy Blake**

he never asked if you will be the savior???

**John Murphy :)  
**

STOP 

**Bellamy Blake**

of the broken? the beaten? and the damned?

**John Murphy :)  
**

CLOSE THE GODDAMNED DOOR 

**Bellamy Blake**

did you just

**John Murphy :)  
**

outemo you?

yes

yes i did 

**Bellamy Blake**

you defeated me

kid

**John Murphy :)  
**

S T O P

but seriously, thank you for finishing our part

i should actually say it

properly 

**Bellamy Blake**

its not problem :)

**John Murphy :)  
**

:)))

 

* * *

 

**snosrep namuh**

 

**[20:07]**

**cash cash cave rocks**

yANO

**Babadubris**

Jasper

No


	10. exit, pursued by a bearllamy set the name of Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore to banned from mcdonalds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mcnuggets and plot, this is what you get

 

**BAEryan <3**

**[09:01]**

**Nathan Miller**

hey

are you free tonight?

i hear the new italian place near the library is really good <3

 

 

**[09:45]**

**BAEryan <3**

sorry im busy

maybe another time?

**Nathan Miller**

yeah cool

love you <3333

**BAEryan <3**

<3

* * *

 

**snosrep namuh**

 

**[09:54]**

**emo dullard**

hey do you guys wanna do something after school

i kinda feel like getting hammered

**Babadubris**

You okay?

**emo dullard**

im fine

i just feel like getting drunk af

**cash cash cave rocks**

im up for getting drunk

we doing it at a club or are we just getting drunk at your place????

**emo dullard**

you realise my dads a police officer, right?

we cant do it at my place

weve literally only ever been able to get drunk at your place jasper

**cash cash cave rocks**

oh yeah

idk if my parents will be home tonight, they might be doing night shift

ill check the gc

if not, we could always go deadzone

**cave urchin**

me and monty are working on the gc today but we can probably join after?

**Babadubris**

Yeah it probably won’t take that long

**emo dullard**

okay so whats the plan

**cash cash cave rocks**

we can hang out at my place until monty and murphy are done? and then either get drunk af at my place or go to deadzone

and then we can crash at either mine or yours?

**emo dullard**

cool

**cave urchin**

and ill be the sober friend who gets you all home and sobers you up enough to convince your dad that we were studying at jaspers if we have to crash at yours

**emo dullard**

cool²

**Babadubris**

Whose turn is it to buy the alcohol?

**cash cash cave rocks**

i have 0 idea

**cave urchin**

im so happy to be the sober one because ill never be too broke to buy the alcohol when its my turn

**emo dullard**

its probably mine

last time was my birthday so

any preference?

**cash cash cave rocks**

im feeling wine tonight

**Babadubris**

I could go for wine

**emo dullard**

okay cool were having a wine night

**cave urchin**

how much wine is too dangerous and how much wine do you need to get drunk so i have reference

for like a normal person

my only other reference is alcoholism so probably not useful

which negates the whole point of having a sober friend

**Babadubris**

Idek

I’ll google it for you

**cave urchin**

cool

_**Babadubris** sent [attachment screenshot333.png]_

**cave urchin**

thanks

**cash cash cave rocks**

so were sorted for tonight

boys night out

**emo dullard**

boys night ouuut

**cave urchin**

you guys are so lame

**emo dullard**

youre just as lame jonathon stfu

**cave urchin**

rude

**cash cash cave rocks**

but true

**cave urchin**

wow

im feeling personally attacked in this dennys tonight

**emo dullard**

good

**cave urchin**

go float yourself nathan

**cash cash cave rocks**

wait

FLOATY BOIS NIGHT OUT

**cave urchin**

no

**emo dullard**

FLOATY BOIS NIGHT OUT

**cave urchin**

no.

_**cash cash cave rocks** has set the group chat name to **FLOATY BOIS NIGHT OUT**_

**cave urchin**

NO

**emo dullard**

accept it jonathon

accept it

**cave urchin**

n o

**emo dullard**

ACCEPT IT

**cave urchin**

N O

**cash cash cave rocks**

ACCEPT IT

**cave urchin**

abcdefghijklmNOpqrstuvwxyz

**emo dullard**

you are so extra jonathon

**cash cash cave rocks**

#dramatic

**cave urchin**

of course im dramatic

im queer

**emo dullard**

fair

_**cash cash cave rocks** has set the group chat name to **QUEER FLOATY BOIS NIGHT OUT**_

**cave urchin**

you know what?

ill take it

**cash cash cave rocks**

QUEER FLOATY BOIS NIGHT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

* * *

 

**SPACE SQUAD**

 

**[10:32]**

**polio is not coolio**

we still meeting up after skool??

**woah calm down there javert**

yeah

**meme to extreme**

“skool”

**polio is not coolio**

stfu bearman

**lets get this astrobread**

me and murphy are still coming

**polio is not coolio**

cool

 

 

**[10:41]**

**VIVA LA PLUTO**

yeah

**polio is not coolio**

cool

 

 

**[10:54]**

**PIKE HATE SQUAD**

im still coming

**polio is not coolio**

coolio

**Jehovah’s Potato**

dont you mean polio

**polio is not coolio**

mcfight me lizard boy

**Jehovah’s Potato**

nah

i have more important things to do

**polio is not coolio**

excuse me

**Jehovah’s Potato**

youre excused

**polio is not coolio**

EXCUSE ME

**Jehovah’s Potato**

still excused

**polio is not coolio**

E X C U S E  M E

**Jehovah’s Potato**

still excused

**polio is not coolio**

MCFIGHT ME LIZARD BOY

**Jehovah’s Potato**

nah

**polio is not coolio**

i feel personally attacked rn

**Jehovah’s Potato**

k

**polio is not coolio**

DONT YOU K ME

**Jehovah’s Potato**

k

**polio is not coolio**

LIZARD BOY

**meme to extreme**

calm down raven

**polio is not coolio**

STAY OUT OF IT BEARMAN

**meme to extreme**

okay sparrow campesinos

**polio is not coolio**

EXCUSE ME

**Jehovah’s Potato**

youre still excused

**polio is not coolio**

i feel SO attacked rn

**Jehovah’s Potato**

k

**meme to extreme**

k

**polio is not coolio**

i hate you all

 

 

**[11:11]**

**Jehovah’s Potato**

k

 

 

 

**[11:15]**

**polio is not coolio**

okay but fuck you in particular murphy

**Jehovah’s Potato**

lmao fair

 

* * *

 

**QUEER FLOATY BOIS NIGHT OUT**

 

**[11:25]**

**cash cash cave rocks**

if we are born to die and we all die to live

whats the point in living life if it just contradicts

**Babadubris**

What???

**emo dullard**

…

at least its not a flat earth reference

at least im pretty sure its not

**Babadubris**

*Boomerang earth reference

**emo dullard**

oh im sorry, at least its not a boomerang earth reference

**Babadubris**

Better

 _@cash cash cave rocks_ Any explanation or no?

**cash cash cave rocks**

i need answers not questions monty

**Babadubris**

Well okay then

 

 

**[11:39]**

**cave urchin**

…

its a falling in reverse lyric

its a fake deep lyric from like 2013

**emo dullard**

yeah youre still an emo murphy

**cave urchin**

…

go float yourself nathan

**emo dullard**

insult me all you want

doesnt change the fact that youre an emo jonathon

 

 

**[11:51]**

**emo dullard**

this gc has receipts jonathon

ik you read this

**cash cash cave rocks**

i dont think hes ignoring you

the vice principal just personally collected him from our class

i heard something about his social worker

**emo dullard**

shit

is he okay??????

**cash cash cave rocks**

idk

he told me not to worry before he went but you know him

the world could be ending and theres a 40% chance he wouldnt tell us

**Babadubris**

I’m sure he’s okay

And if he’s not, the last thing he needs is us panicking the fuck out about it

**emo dullard**

thats true

we love you murphy!!! if you actually scroll up to read this

**Babadubris**

Love you!!!!

**cash cash cave rocks**

<33333333

and on the notion of not freaking out

where are we meeting for lunch??

**emo dullard**

outside art???

**cash cash cave rocks**

cool with me

**Babadubris**

Okidokie

**emo dullard**

you still spell okie dokie really fucking weird monty

**Babadubris**

Go float yourself

**emo dullard**

okie dokie

**Babadubris**

*okidokie

**emo dullard**

FIGHT ME

 

* * *

 

**LOBSTERS**

**[12:06]**

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

_@Bob Roctavia @fBI @the happy tree_ where are yous

i want my mcnuggets

your class is like thirty seconds away from art clarke you have no excuse

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

woah calm down there javert

you dont need mcnuggets right this minute

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

YES I DO

DONT DOWNPLAY MY NEED FOR NUGGETS

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

…

**Bob Roctavia**

me and lincoln will be there soon

give us like a minute

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

good

_@fBI_?????

**fBI**

look to your left

side note

isnt that lizard boys friends over there

walking away

without lizard boy

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

yeah

yeah it is

where is lizard boy?????

bearllamy???

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

why would i know

were not really friends

**Bob Roctavia**

you were texting him all night last night

with a stupid grin on your face

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

one

we text for like twenty minutes top

two

i can see you walking down the hall to us why are you texting

**Bob Roctavia**

because were cool like that

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

s t o p

 

* * *

 

**SPACE SQUAD**

 

 

**[14:21]**

**lets get this astrobread**

Hey guys

I’m not 100% sure, but I don’t think Murphy’ll be able to make it tonight for reasons that aren’t mine to tell

Sorry

**polio is not coolio**

thats cool dw

bell can explain their part

**meme to extreme**

yeah ill do that dw

**lets get this astrobread**

Okidokie

**polio is not coolio**

:)

 

* * *

 

**237 Elm Street**

 

**[14:54]**

**Trina Babcook**

new kids moving in on Saturday

**Atom Ward**

fun

didnt realise you still lived here

thought youd finally had your shotgun wedding with pascal and ran off to die in vegas or something

**Trina Babcook**

fuck you atom

dont tell me you wouldnt spend all your time with octavia if she hadnt dumped you for that lincoln guy

**Atom Ward**

it was a mutual dumping

**Trina Babcook**

yeah right

because you, the foster kid loser, would voluntarily leave the star of the basketball, lacrosse and football team

**Atom Ward**

you realise youre a foster kid loser too

youre never getting away from it

**Niylah Harmon**

do you two ever stop

we get it, you hate each other, can you just stop

if i have to live with your bickering in real life can you at least not do it over the gc none of us even use, its so fucking pointless and annoying

**Trina Babcook**

says you

**Niylah Harmon**

…

**Trina Babcook**

you and muphy argue like a teenage couple with a newborn baby who just want to suffocate the other

you could cut the tired sexual tension between the two of you with a knife

**Niylah Harmon**

you realise im a lesbian right

theres no sexual tension between me and any man

**Trina Babcook**

whatever you say

**Niylah Harmon**

fuck you trina

 

* * *

 

**LOBSTERS**

 

**[15:27]**

**the happy tree**

hey raven

i just need to ask

were the nuggets really worth temporarily banned from mcdonalds

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

yes

yes it was

**fBI**

wait

you got temporarily banned from mcdonalds????

**the happy tree**

after you guys left to go back to school she fought a guy for twenty mcnuggets

**fBI**

why???????

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

why would you fight someone for chicken nuggets

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

because i wanted the nuggets

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

and the award for most useless response to any question ever in any time ever goes to raven

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

BITCH

**the happy tree**

okay so the lady in mcdonalds said that they were having some kind of problem with the chicken so there weren’t any nuggets left after the guy who ordered before raven decided she wanted twenty more chicken nuggets

and then the guy asked raven on a date

so she challenged him to an arm wrestle

if she won, she got the nuggets and if he won, theyd go on a date

he clearly thought he would win so he took it, but raven beat him and he got annoyed and tried to slap her because hes a dick and then raven punched him and then they brawled in mcdonalds and both got temporarily banned

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

and i got twenty mcnuggets out of it

**the happy tree**

and she got twenty mcnuggets out of it

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

well then

**fBI**

im proud of you boo :*

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

love you too hun

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

i guess were not going to mcdonalds for lunch for a while then

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

give it two weeks

**fBI**

i cant believe they banned you because some dick provoked you

injustice

**the happy tree**

clarke

she literally fought someone in the middle of a mcdonalds

what were they supposed to

**fBI**

give her more nuggets

**Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore**

i SUPPORT this

**the happy tree**

there wasnt even more nuggets available

did you even read what i sent

this was all because mcdonalds ran out of mcnuggets

**fBI**

how did they run out of mcnuggets

**the happy tree**

there was a problem with the chicken

did you even read what i sent

**fBI**

eh not really

**the happy tree**

well then

_**exit, pursued by a bearllamy** set the name of **Our Lord and Savior, Mechanicklemore** to **banned from mcdonalds**_

**fBI**

more like dcmonalds

BECAUSE THEYRE DICKS

**banned from mcdonalds**

YES

DICKMONALDS DICKMONALDS

**fBI**

DICKMONALDS DICKMONALDS

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

please no

**fBI**

DICKMONALDS DICKMONALDS

**banned from mcdonalds**

KENDICKY FRIED DICKEN

AND

**the happy tree**

if youre gonna replace hut with the word i think youre going to please dont finish that

**banned from mcdonalds**

asjfdjkjksvjsfdhbvsdbjhsv lincoln

i didnt even know what pun i was gonna make but that makes it 100% better

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

ive never hated being in a group chat more than i hate this one oh my god

**banned from mcdonalds**

you love us really bell

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

i really really really really really really really really dont but okay

**fBI**

that was an excessive number of reallys

are you okay bellamy

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

…

**banned from mcdonalds**

i really want mcdonalds now

**the happy tree**

raven

we got mcdonalds like three hours ago

and youre banned

**fBI**

still offended that youre banned

we should protest that

go stand outside it and yell at them until they unban you

**banned from mcdonalds**

YES

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

nope nope nope youre not standing outside of a mcdonalds and yelling at them that would be a terrible idea please dont do that it would be stupid please dont

**fBI**

and what are you gonna do to stop us??

**banned from mcdonalds**

yeah, what you gone do bear man

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

ill tell sinclair

**banned from mcdonalds**

well

you got me there

no mcdonalds protest for me i guess

sorry clarke

**fBI**

guess not

ill buy you some nuggets to cheer you up

**banned from mcdonalds**

thanks bby

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

did we all just forget that lincoln said that there was a problem with the chicken so there are no more nuggets which is why the fight happened????

**fBI**

you think that will stop me?

you think there not being mcnuggets will stop me from getting more mcnuggets for my favourite mechanique???

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

yes

by the definition that there not being more nuggets for you to get more nuggets

**fBI**

this is  h o m o p h o b i a

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

were literally both bi clarke

**banned from mcdonalds**

why are you doubting her abilities to get more mcnuggets bear man

she will get me the mcnuggets because she is an amazing bi goddess

**fBI**

love you hun :*

**the happy tree**

how do you still want nuggets anyway raven

you had eighteen nuggets when we first got lunch

like literally ordered nothing but eighteen nuggets and an apple pie

and then ate twenty more when you fought a guy for them

how do you still want them

youve had THIRTY EIGHT chicken nuggets today

**banned from mcdonalds**

you can never have too many chicken nuggets lincoln

**gaygent**

i agree

the desire for chicken nuggets is one that is infinite

**the happy tree**

well

okay then

**fBI**

WAIT

LEXA

TOMORROW

WE CHICKEN NUGGET DATE

**gaygent**

YES

CHICKEN NUGGET DATE

**fBI**

CHICKEN NUGGET DATE

**gaygent**

CHICKEN NUGGET DATE

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

why are yall so obsessed with chicken nuggets

**banned from mcdonalds**

 because the desire of chicken nuggets is infinite bellamy get with the project

**the happy tree**

i think i just felt bellamys sigh through the phone

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

yeah probably

it was a pretty loud sigh

 

* * *

 

**QUEER FLOATY BOIS NIGHT OUT**

 

**[19:01]**

**emo dullard**

hey murphy, were at jaspers’ house rn if you wanna join

montys not here yet but me and jasper are

obviously

idk why i felt the need to clarify that

**cave urchin**

thanks

ill be there in like half an hour? 

**emo dullard**

coolio

you okay??

**cave urchin**

yeah its nothing dw

my moms parole hearing got bumped up to two weeks on thursday so my social worker decided to try and convince me to speak at it again

idk why shes trying, im not going to

plus she wouldnt get custody of me if she got out anyway so its not going to affect me

i dont even want her to get custody of me

but really, its nothing

she wont get out and nothing will change 

**emo dullard**

im sorry you have to deal with it, were here for you if you need to talk about it

**cave urchin**

i dont really want to tbh

id rather just distract myself 

**emo dullard**

we can do that

im thinking icarly marathon???

**cave urchin**

victorious

andre and beck are 100% more attractive than freddy and gibbby 

**emo dullard**

thats true

**cave urchin**

obvs

see you soon 

**emo dullard**

see you soon <3

stay safe

**cave urchin**

okay dad 

**emo dullard**

float yourself murphy

**cave urchin**

k


	11. me thinks the lady needs to shut the fuck up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a lot more plot than i thought and a lot less meme than i thought

**To: Welluigi**

**[09:12]**

**Clarke Griffin**

hypothetically

**Welluigi**

Where is this going??

**Clarke Griffin**

shhhhhh

**Welluigi**

Starts a conversation with someone and immediately tells them to shhhhhh

Clarke Griffin Logic™

**Clarke Griffin**

that is a completely uncalled for personal attack

you become less wells and more walluigi everyday

**Welluigi**

Are you ever going to retire that?

_**Clarke Griffin** sent [attachment screenshot39.png]_

**Welluigi**

Really?

R e a l l y ? ? ?

**Clarke Griffin**

uh huh

**Welluigi**

You know I don’t have you saved in my phone as Clario

**Clarke Griffin**

sounds like a personal problem to me

**Welluigi**

Do me a favor and close your eyes and imagine me sighing heavily

**Clarke Griffin**

#dramaprince

**Welluigi**

#youllneverbetwitterfamousgriffin

**Clarke Griffin**

excuse me i have some fire tweets

**Welluigi**

What like “my non-existent cat is breathing”

**Clarke Griffin**

fuk u i was half asleep when i drafted it

**Welluigi**

I suppose you were also half asleep when you tweeted “is milk just cow juice” and got attacked for not considering goat and almond milk

**Clarke Griffin**

that was a FIRE TWEET wells

youre just not sleep-deprived enough to get it

**Welluigi**

Weird flex but okay

Am I also too sleep-deprived not to get “everyones talking about that surgery, but no ones asking how the grape was after”

**Clarke Griffin**

okay i have no excuse for that

i jumped on a bandwagon to get retweets

which didnt even work

it got like eleven retweets and 21 likes

**Welluigi**

Rip

I’m sure one day you’ll get your retweets

Too bad your jump selfie trend never took off

**Clarke Griffin**

jumping selfies are the way of the future wells

just you wait

**Welluigi**

...

When he was ten, his father split, full of it, debt ridden

**Clarke Griffin**

TWO YEARS LATER, SEE ALEX AND HIS MOTHER BEDRIDDEN, HALF DEAD, SITTING IN THEIR OWN SICK, THE SCENT THICK

**Welluigi**

And Alex got better

But his Mother went quick

**Clarke Griffin**

b u t  h i s  m o t h e r  w e n t  q u i c k

ALEXANDER HAMILTON

you still okay with using your extra ticket on me????

**Welluigi**

Obviously

Who else would I take?

**Clarke Griffin**

idk

its just hamilton tickets are so expensive and i cant believe you dont want me to pay anything for them

**Welluigi**

They were a birthday present, Clarke

Plus the money came from the insurance payout

I want you to come with me, okay?

**Clarke Griffin**

okay

i love you wells

just feel like i should tell you that

**Welluigi**

Love you too Clarke :)

Even if you have me saved as Welluigi in your phone

It’s not a dealbreaker even though really, it should be

**Clarke Griffin**

its a compliment really

what do you have me saved as???

isnt it salvador clarli was bi yo

**Welluigi**

It was that like three months ago

**Clarke Griffin**

what is it now???????????

**Welluigi**

That is an excessive number of questions marks Clarke

**Clarke Griffin**

no amount of question marks will ever be excessive because no amount of question marks will quench my curiosity my best pal

_**Welluigi** sent [attachment screenshot101.png]_

**Clarke Griffin**

e x c u s e m e

i am CLEARLY a distinguished bi

what is this horsefoolery

**Welluigi**

Accept it Clarke

Accept your disaster bidentity

**Clarke Griffin**

if im a disaster bi

then youre 1000000000% a disaster ace

**Welluigi**

*Functional ace

**Clarke Griffin**

DISASTER ACE

**Welluigi**

*FUNCTIONAL ACE

**Clarke Griffin**

D I S A S T E R  A C E

**Welluigi**

Me thinks the lady doth protest too much

**Clarke Griffin**

me thinks the lady needs to shut the fuck up

**Welluigi**

Me thinks the lady still doth protest too much

**Clarke Griffin**

go float yourself

**Welluigi**

I’m not even going to ask

**Clarke Griffin**

its a flat earth thing

**Welluigi**

…

Me thinks the lady doth sprout bullshit

**Clarke Griffin**

me knows the lady doth know earth is round

**Welluigi**

Me thinks the lady doth show intelligence

Me thinks the lady doth show chances of being pre-med afterall

**Clarke Griffin**

me think that might have been a compliment but the lady is not so sure

**Welluigi**

(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

**Clarke Griffin**

me thinks you should not have that face ready to send that quick

**Welluigi**

Valid

_**Clarke Griffin** sent [attachment ifeelquiteimportant.jpeg]_

**Clarke Griffin**

anyway

hypothetically

how much mulch does one weevil necessitate in order to hire out col for a night with full catering

**Welluigi**

More mulch than any weevil we know can afford

And that includes yourweevil

**Clarke Griffin**

well i guessed that

dollar amount??

**Welluigi**

I have no idea tbh

Maybe like $150 deposit plus $75 per hour booked and like $400 catering

If you want staff on hand, probably like add another $50

**Clarke Griffin**

that is a Lot of mulch

i am clearly not a tycoon weevil

**Welluigi**

I mean

You’re a high school student

I'm pretty sure that's normal

Why do you want to book it out?

**Clarke Griffin**

for octavias and bells birthday

o said bell hasnt had a birthday party in six years

plus theres this guy were trying to set him up with and the birthday party is currently crucial to that plan

**Welluigi**

I can talk to my Dad, see if I can get anything

Some of the Azgeda riots leaked over into it so business has been down, I can probably spin something about it putting up a good front and showing people that it’s safe??

**Clarke Griffin**

thank you wells

ik you and bell dont get on too well but this means a lot to me

**Welluigi**

Don’t worry about it

Plus Bell’s the one who dislikes me not the other way round

**Clarke Griffin**

he doesnt dislike you

at least not anymore

i think you earned his respect when you decked finn

**Welluigi**

Well

Not my proudest moment but okay

**Clarke Griffin**

it was the actual best tho

even if you got us kicked out of deadzone for it

**Welluigi**

Why was Finn in Deadzone anyway?

Did he follow you there or something?

**Clarke Griffin**

i have no idea tbh

why you ask

**Welluigi**

Because Finn is Straight™ as™ fuck™

Why would he be in a gay bar?

Especially one that does loads of cabaret

**Clarke Griffin**

that is a good point

i still have no idea

he was probably trying to win me or raven back or something idk

although i think i remember him flirting with octavia that night

**Welluigi**

You have bad taste in men Griffin

**Clarke Griffin**

hell yeah i do im a disaster bi

im claiming it

_**Welluigi** sent [attachment webeenknew.png]_

**Clarke Griffin**

pride is a deadly sin my pal

**Welluigi**

Then we’re all going to hell after last June

**Clarke Griffin**

yeah

thats fair

_**Welluigi** sent [attachment webeenknew.png]_

**Clarke Griffin**

go float yourself

also

we still going for coffee after school???

**Welluigi**

Yep

You still insisting you can coach me in chess despite not owning a chess set and me being the one in state championships next week

**Clarke Griffin**

its the t r u t h wells

**Welluigi**

Pride is a deadly sin my buddy

**Clarke Griffin**

well

i took a guided tour into that one

im gonna wallow in my misery and trigonomisery since i can feel my teachers gaze burning into me rn

see you later?

**Welluigi**

Enjoy

See you later

**Clarke Griffin**

P E A C E

 

* * *

**To: Niylah**

**[12:31]**

**Clarke Griffin**

weird question but you live with john murphy, dont you??

 

 

**[13:14]**

**Niylah**

yeah why

**Clarke Griffin**

do you think hed come to a party at city of lights if invited????

**Niylah**

depends who invited him

and whether theres free food

tbh he might just go for the free food

**Clarke Griffin**

so what youre saying is i need to make sure theres free food

**Niylah**

pretty much

as long as he doesnt hate who invited him

**Clarke Griffin**

itll probably be raven

its for bells surprise and octavias not-surprise birthday party

**Niylah**

hed probably go then

when is it exactly??

**Clarke Griffin**

in like a month or so hopefully

month and a half probably

**Niylah**

then yeah hell probably go

his social workers hanging round rn but shell be gone in a few weeks

**Clarke Griffin**

okie dokie

thank you bby<3

**Niylah**

anytime :)

 

* * *

**Callie Cartwig**

**[14:01]**

Are you sure you don’t want to speak at the hearing?

**John Murphy**

im pretty sure youre not meant to text me during school

inappropriate relations and all

**Callie Cartwig**

John

There’s not much time for you to change your mind if you were doing to meaning I need to be sure that you are 100% sure that you don’t want to speak at the hearing

**John Murphy**

im 100% sure

**Callie Cartwig**

I know you and your Mother aren’t on good terms at the moment, but I want to make sure that you’re not going to regret this

This could be a big step in reparing your relationship

**John Murphy**

what about the sentence “i never want to see her again” makes you think i want to repair the relationship with her

**Callie Cartwig**

You say that now John, you don’t want to live a life carrying regrets with you

**John Murphy**

with all due respect, i dont think ill cary any fucking regret about this at any point in my life

were talking about the woman who forgot to feed me for years on end, broke and dislocated my arm, tried to hang me, buried me alive and set fire to our house with me inside

i dont want any relationship with her at any point

i dont want her to get out and if i was going to speak at the hearing, id make sure she never gets out so i think its better if i sit this one out

**Callie Cartwig**

Okay

You know how to contact me if you change your mind

**John Murphy**

i wont

 

* * *

**[14:32]**

**Welluigi**

So I talked to Dad and he said that if you can put a $30 deposit down by the end of the week, he can do it for $40 plus deposit

As long as nothing gets broken, you’ll get the deposit back

**Clarke Griffin**

really????

thats so cheap

how on this completely round earth did you wrangle that one partner

**Welluigi**

Idk tbh I just said that it was you who was asking and he offered it before I could even get any of my arguments in there

I think he likes you

**Clarke Griffin**

well thank fuck for that because that is Affordable

thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you <33333

**Welluigi**

Don’t thank me, thank your own favor with my Dad

Now

Tell me about the guy you’re trying to set Bellamy up

**Clarke Griffin**

you really wanna know?

**Welluigi**

I’m in human georgraphy and dying of boredom, entertain me

**Clarke Griffin**

well

hes a complete nerd so perfect for bellamy

they bonded over obscure shookspeared plays

hes like the funniest person but also makes no sense 90% of the time and knows loads of random facts like macaroni penguins origins and also suits emo hair better than anyone has the right to

oh and his name is john murphy but he goes by murphy

**Welluigi**

John Murphy?

Like wide-set eyes and a kinda weird looking nose John Murphy?

**Clarke Griffin**

its not weird, its got character

but yeah

why

**Welluigi**

His Mom used to work for my Dad before she was arrested

Dad really liked him even though they only met a handful of times, used to always send her home with leftovers to give to him

**Clarke Griffin**

seriously??

**Welluigi**

Yeah

**Clarke Griffin**

Why didn’t he hang out with us then when we were kids if your Dad liked him so much?

**Welluigi**

You know I love my Dad, but even I know that he’s got some classism in him

He didn’t want me consorting with “that side of town” which we both know is a nice way of saying poor people

I’m pretty sure he saw Murphy as a charity case not an actual kid

**Clarke Griffin**

that sucks

whatd his mom get arrested for?

**Welluigi**

She was arrested for arson, but I’m pretty sure she got charged with a bunch of other stuff

Dad followed the case closely

Idk why

**Clarke Griffin**

your dads kinda weird

**Welluigi**

Yeah

I’m glad Murphy seems okay though

Dad used to make a bunch of comments about how that kid would never live up to something now

**Clarke Griffin**

well hes in an ap physics class which is how he and bell met and im pretty sure he takes a bunch of other ap classes so he probably will

also im gonna go rn cos cooper is glaring at me and i Should Not especially since this is the second time today

**Welluigi**

See you soon

 

* * *

**To: Emori (FH)**

**[19:27]**

**John Murphy**

ik we havent really talked in a while and this is probably invasive af, but do you ever regret not speaking at your dads parole hearing?

 

 

**[20:31]**

**Emori (FH)**

not really, i havent thought about it in months tbh

we never really talked before

your moms parole hearing is coming up?

**John Murphy**

two weeks

cece thinks i should think about my decision more

**Emori (FH)**

she did the same with me and otan

neither of us did anything and neither of us regret it

if you dont want to do it, dont do it

dont let cece get all her social worker crap in your head

**John Murphy**

i dont think shes trying to be insidious with it

she just keeps talking about not wanting me to have a bunch of regrets and what ifs when im older, how this could be a big part of salvaging whatevers left of the “bond between us”

theres probably some truth in it

**Emori (FH)**

sure there is but youre the kid in the relationship

you shouldnt have to be the bigger person and you shouldnt have to take the first step in it

thats your moms responsibility not yours

**John Murphy**

yeah shell take that first step while locked up in prison with no contact with me

**Emori (FH)**

shell get out eventually, let her take the first step then

listen, john, i might not have a degree in psychology and might not be some professional who works with this kind of shit, but ik what its like to live with it and contrary to popular belief, you dont have to leave your comfort zone for anyone

if youre not comfortable doing that, then dont do it. its that simple

its better to have a regret than to be triggered and do something youll regret much more

a lot of people arent going to understand that but that doesnt matter, what matters is that you survive

**John Murphy**

thanks

thats probably the best advice ive had on it tbh

**Emori (FH)**

it takes one to know one, john, we were both in that house for a reason and we both have cece in our phone books for that same reason

**John Murphy**

yeah

sorry you had to be a substitute therapist for a bit with no warning

**Emori (FH)**

dont worry about it

**John Murphy**

thanks again

**Emori (FH)**

no problem :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a weird headcanon that clarke and wells used to play binweevils together and thats why they say mulch idk where it came from im just feeling it
> 
>  
> 
> also backstories look!!!!


	12. Murphy, unprompted: GAY RIGHTS

 

**LOBSTERS**

 

**[08:49]**

**banned from mcdonalds**

why is there an assembly

i hate assemblies

im meant to have a free period because goodman cancelled but noooooo

**the happy tree**

woah calm down there javert

**banned from mcdonalds**

instead i get an email

telling me i have to come in

during my FREE PERIOD

**Bob Roctavia**

woah calm down there javert

**banned from mcdonalds**

for an assembly

i wanted mcdonalds breakfast

not assembly

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

I wAnTeD mCdOnAlDs BrEaKfAsT

**banned from mcdonalds**

that was an uncalled for meme

why would you do this to me bellamy

i thought you loved me

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

you are banned from mcdonalds raven

you can not get mcdonalds breakfast

**banned from mcdonalds**

do i mean NOTHING to YOU

BELLAMY

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

unsurprisingly easily

**banned from mcdonalds**

i feel betrayed

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

cool

**banned from mcdonalds**

I WANT A DIVORCE

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

contact my lawyer

**the happy tree**

but what will happen to the children

**banned from mcdonalds**

if we must have a years long custody battle, then thats the way it must be

**Bob Roctavia**

think of the CHILDREN raven

this is so unfair to them

**banned from mcdonalds**

you know whats unfair?

DO YOU KNOW WHATS UNFAIR?

my HUSBAND

feeling the NEED to REMIND ME that i am BANNED from MCDONALDS

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

woah calm down with the caps lock there javert

**banned from mcdonalds**

why dont you just take your stuff and GET OUT OF MY HOUSE

AND TAKE YOUR EPIPEN, TAKE YOUR GODDAMN EPIPEN

**the happy tree**

i wish john mulaney was here to give us the assembly

**Bob Roctavia**

STREET SMARTS

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

WITH JJ BITTENBINDER

**Bob Roctavia**

STREET SMARTS

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

hes not gonna know what to do with two little sneakers coming at him

**Bob Roctavia**

now youve thrown him off his rhythm

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

now what you want to do is get a money clip and put fifty dollars in it

**Bob Roctavia**

and youre gonna yell “YOU WANT MY MONEY? GO GET IT” and you run like hell

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

dad can i have a fifty dollar note, the man with the moustache told me to get one

**Bob Roctavia**

the eight year with the g o d d a m n alladin wallet

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

and that was eight year old john mulaney currently being sued for police brutality

**Bob Roctavia**

and now youre doing fifteen to twenty and your kids are growing up in foster care

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

and youre gonna make a fist and youre gonna punch out the taillight and wave to oncoming motorists

**gaygent**

hey clarke

your friends are weird

**banned from mcdonalds**

are you like siblingly bonding via john mulaney quotes?????

**the happy tree**

more paraphrases but yeah

**Bob Roctavia**

imagine im john mulaney imitating mick jagger

YEAH

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

motherfucker is this how you write songs? one line at a time with verbal abuse?

**Bob Roctavia**

INDENT SPACE INDENT

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

NOT FUNNY

**Bob Roctavia**

diet coke

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

and one would appear in his hand

**gaygent**

what is this group chat

 _@fBI_ why did you add me to this

**the happy tree**

its because mutual suffering

we all suffer through all the weird shit everyone sends

**gaygent**

but why

**banned from mcdonalds**

its because we have no other choice

**fBI**

motherfucker was that a lowkey supernatural reference

**banned from mcdonalds**

birds squawking in the distance

**the happy tree**

okay nope

were not doing supernatural reference battle right after john mulaney quote bonding session

**banned from mcdonalds**

you know what? fair

thats valid

**the happy tree**

i feel validated

**banned from mcdonalds**

good

**the happy tree**

good

**banned from mcdonalds**

good

**gaygent**

yall are weird

* * *

 

**QUEER FLOATY BOIS NIGHT OUT**

 

**[09:41]**

**cash cash cave rocks**

ashsfdhbdbbvbdbhv murphy

**Babadubris**

GAY RIGHTS

**emo dullard**

MURPHY SAID GAY RIGHTS

**cash cash cave rocks**

no MURPHY YELLED GAY RIGHTS

**Babadubris**

Guest Speaker: Can anyone give me evidence of minority influence within the past century?

**emo dullard**

*MURPHY YELLED GAY RIGHTS

**Babdubris**

Murphy, unprompted: GAY RIGHTS

**cave urchin**

okay, but i was prompted

he asked a question

**emo dullard**

i dont think he was expecting you to just fuckign yell GAY RIGHTS at him

**cave urchin**

well

no one else said anything

**Babadubris**

So what? In moments where no one else speaks, you just yell GAY RIGHTS?

**cash cash cave rocks**

sounds like a great lifestyle to me

**emo dullard**

god i love you murphy

i cannot believe you did that

_**Babadubris** set the nickname of **cave urchin** to **GAY RIGHTS**_

**emo dullard**

i APPROVE

**cash cash cave rocks**

mooooOOOOOD

**GAY RIGHTS**

why do i do this every time i have the chance

why do i never learn

**emo dullard**

because youre you

**GAY RIGHTS**

go float yourself nathan

 

 

**[10:54]**

**GAY RIGHTS**

ive decided i would like to be cremated

**cash cash cave rocks**

noted

**emo dullard**

why are you telling us this now

do you plan on dying anytime soon because let me tell you, my buddy, im not gonna remember this conversation tomorrow

im not gonna remember it in like an hour

**GAY RIGHTS**

no

not when i die

just anytime

surprise me

**Babadubris**

What??

**cash cash cave rocks**

noted

**Babadubris**

Like just jump out with a lighter aflame like supriiise?

**GAY RIGHTS**

Yes.

Surprise Cremate Me With A Lighter

**emo dullard**

Why Are You Capitalising Every Word

**GAY RIGHTS**

Why Are You

Bitch

**emo dullard**

It’s Called Dramatic Irony

Bitch

**Babadubris**

Why Are You Like This

Bitch

**GAY RIGHTS**

Because Nathan Is A Little Bitch

Bitch

**emo dullard**

You’re A Bitch

Bitch

**cash cash cave rocks**

Do You Guys Think Arthur Conan Doyle Believed In Flat Earth

Bitch

**GAY RIGHTS**

Unequivocally Yes

**Babadubris**

Why Are You Asking This?

**GAY RIGHTS**

Bitch

**Babadubris**

Bitch

**emo dullard**

Is He The Sherlock Guy

Bitch

**cash cash cave rocks**

Yes

Bitch

**emo dullard**

Then No

Bitch

**GAY RIGHTS**

Wrong

Bitch

**Babadubris**

Still Wondering Why You’re Asking This Now

Bitch

**emo dullard**

How Am I Wrong

Bitch

**cash cash cave rocks**

I’m Intrigued Monty

Bitch

**GAY RIGHTS**

Arthur Believed That Fairies Were Real, He Was Probably Also A Flat-Earther

Bitch

**Babadubris**

I Give Up On You Guys

Bitch

**emo dullard**

Believing In Gay People Doesn’t Automatically Make You A Flat Earther

Bitch

**GAY RIGHTS**

asuidfajdsvbjbhd i cant

**cash cash cave rocks**

miller oh my god

**Babadubris**

I think that’s possibly the best sentence I have ever read in my life

**GAY RIGHTS**

moooooood

**cash cash cave rocks**

miller said GAY RIGHTS

**emo dullard**

yes

yes i did

gays rights bois

**GAY RIGHTS**

asifsbibdv

_**GAY RIGHTS** set the group chat name to **gays rights bois**_

**cash cash cave rocks**

you know

weve been in this assembly for so long

and all ive learned is that i think its meant to be about peer pressure and that my boy ac doyle believed in fairies

**Babadubris**

And that believing in the gays doesn’t make you a flat earther by default

**GAY RIGHTS**

“my boy ac doyle”

**cash cash cave rocks**

and that believing in the gays doesnt make you flat earther by default

**emo dullard**

i have taught you well my young’uns

**GAY RIGHTS**

“my young’uns”

**emo dullard**

fuk u murphy

**GAY RIGHTS**

thats fair

 

 

 

**[11:39]**

**cash cash cave rocks**

how do i get adopted by a reclusive millionaire

**Babadubris**

What??

**cash cash cave rocks**

how do i get adopted by a reclusive millionaire

**Babadubris**

I can read Jasper

The what was to signal the fact that I have absolutely no idea why you’re asking this

**GAY RIGHTS**

itd probably be a good start to be an orpan

so

**Babadubris**

DON’T KILL YOUR PARENTS

**GAY RIGHTS**

i wasnt going to suggest that

jesus monty i like jaspers dad

**Babadubris**

What else was that so going to be followed with?

**GAY RIGHTS**

nothing

i was being ominous

**cash cash cave rocks**

murphy? being a dramatic bi? its more likely than you think

**Babadubris**

Okay I can accept that

But that so implied something

Whether or not it was intentional, you implied something

**GAY RIGHTS**

i implied that you were a little bitch

**Babadubris**

You really didn’t but go off I guess

**cash cash cave rocks**

yeah if thats what you were trying to imply, you did not do well

**GAY RIGHTS**

why are yall attacking me today

**Babadubris**

Because you implied that Jasper should murder his parents, Jonathon

**GAY RIGHTS**

okay fair

**cash cash cave rocks**

is there more than one sneeze in the world

**GAY RIGHTS**

is there more than one what

**cash cash cave rocks**

sneeze

is there more than one sneeze in the world

**GAY RIGHTS**

yes??

**Babadubris**

I’ve read that sentence several times and I still don’t know what you’re asking Jasper

**cash cash cave rocks**

okay hear me out

**GAY RIGHTS**

this should be fun

**cash cash cave rocks**

when we sneeze

**Babadubris**

It won’t be Murphy

**cash cash cave rocks**

do we all have different sneezes or is there only one sneeze in the world that we repeatedly steal from one another

like how theres only one electron in the world

**Babadubris**

I don’t have time to explain why that is sooooooooooooo wrong

_**GAY RIGHTS** sent [attachment nowwedonthavetimetounpackallofthat.jpeg]_

**Babadubris**

That file name is excessively long

**cash cash cave rocks**

yeah it really really really is

**GAY RIGHTS**

shut your fuck up mr one sneeze man

**Babadubris**

I don’t have enough brain power to comprehend that sentence

I

What

**GAY RIGHTS**

shut your fuck up mr one sneeze man

_**Babadubris** set the nickname of **cash cash cave rocks** to **mr one sneeze man**_

**mr one sneeze man**

rude

_**mr one sneeze man** set the nickname of **Babadubris** to **shut your fuck up**_

**shut your fuck up**

Well okay then

 

 

**[12:34]**

**emo dullard**

what the hell did i miss

**GAY RIGHTS**

hell

itself

also were at the back of the cafeteria

youll see us

jasper has spaghetti in his nose

**emo dullard**

…

im not even going to ask

**shut your fuck up**

That’s a wise choice

* * *

 

**LOBSTERS**

 

**[12:40]**

**banned from mcdonalds**

hey bear

why does your lizard boys friend got spaghetti in his nose

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

why would i know

i dont have like a psychic connection with murphy

and i dont have super hearing

**banned from mcdonalds**

okay thats a decent excuse for not knowing even though you really should know my bearman

because i would still like to know why theres spaghetti in his nose tho

**the happy tree**

maybe

for him

it just be like that sometimes

**fBI**

valid

**Bob Roctavia**

OR

maybe

he wants to become

the PASTA PENGUIN

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

no 

**banned from mcdonalds**

she could easily be right

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

no

**fBI**

pasta penguin sounds like a knockoff superhero

like hes really slippery and shoots pasta

and hes in like a shitty version of the avengers

the averagers

**banned from mcdonalds**

im so here for this

we might not be able to save the world but well get a good 60%

**Bob Roctavia**

theres one guy who has super speed but normal metabolism

**fBI**

YES

hes fastlead

**Bob Roctavia**

yes!!!!

**banned from mcdonalds**

YES

who else

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

theres flying rat man whose just a really shit version of batman

the bat symbol they shine is just a gigantic pigeon that takes an hour to get up into the sky

**banned from mcdonalds**

Y E S

**fBI**

theres a werewolf on the team but every time he transforms, he gets smaller

to the point that hes a wolf the size of a millipede

**Bob Roctavia**

theyre so valid!!!

**the happy tree**

theres a tree on the team like the whomping willow

pros: very strong, can attack people, has full control over branches

cons: is just a tree, cant move because it is a tree

**fBI**

i love our team of useless superheroes

**banned from mcdonalds**

same

whats the werewolves names

**fBI**

moon moon

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

obviously

**banned from mcdonalds**

of course

and the tree?

**the happy tree**

the unhappy tree

**banned from mcdonalds**

introducing…….

the averagers!!!!

fastlead, hes fast and a little out of shape, but hes trying

**fBI**

so fucking valid

**banned from mcdonalds**

flying rat man!! hes not fast, is guaranteed to be at least an hour late, but hey, hes rich!!!!

moon moon, need i say more???

**Bob Roctavia**

moon moon

moon moon

**banned from mcdonalds**

theres also the unhappy tree, dont mess with him because he will fuck you up with his branches (but only if youre in reach because his movement is seriously limited because he is literallllly a treeee)

and finally, let me introduce the leader of our team

the paaaaasta penguin

he is slippery, he is wet and he shoots la spaghet

**fBI**

that is art right there

**exit, pursued by a bearllamy**

a true wordsmith

**Bob Roctavia**

godDAMN POETRY

**banned from mcdonalds**

thank you thank you

 

 

**[13:19]**

**gaygent**

you guys are so weird

i love your superhero team but my brain is still stuck on the sentence “hes slippery, hes wet and he shoots la spaghet”

**fBI**

i wish i could shoot la spaghet

**banned from mcdonalds**

it would be such a useful super power

**gaygent**

how????

**banned from mcdonalds**

i could always feed myself

i could just shove my fist in my mouth for maximum efficiency meals

**gaygent**

and today on sentences i never thought id read

**fBI**

she is right though babe

shooting la spaghet would be so good

how do i get that power

**banned from mcdonalds**

spaghetti related radiation accident

**gaygent**

what could you possibly be doing that would lead to a spaghetti related radiation accident

**fBI**

abstract chef?

**banned from mcdonalds**

with a nuclear powered oven

**gaygent**

well then

**the happy tree**

a nuclear powered oven is the worst idea i have ever heard

please do not try that at home

**fBI**

but what if i got pasta powers from it

**banned from mcdonalds**

yeah lincoln

what about that

**the happy tree**

i mean if you want to irradiate an entire city, thats up to you

but if youre gonna run that risk

please notify me in advance thank

**fBI**

i will boo :*

**the happy tree**

thank

* * *

 

**gays rights bois**

 

**[15:37]**

**emo dullard**

_@GAY RIGHTS_ where are you??

class ended seven minutes ago

**GAY RIGHTS**

in the film class?

pls tell me you guys didnt wait for me

**emo dullard**

uh totally not

definitely did not do that 

**mr one sneeze man**

h3s lying

we waited for you

**GAY RIGHTS**

of course you did

thanks? i guess?

**emo dullard**

we are gud frends

**GAY RIGHTS**

…

i hate you

**emo dullard**

big mood my pal

 

 

**[17:01]**

**GAY RIGHTS**

so may have been put in a group with bellamy whos apparently intro photography?

hes doing the camera work for our project 

**mr one sneeze man**

okay so you are 100% destined to be together

this is literally destiny

its like the couple in titanic, only no one dies!!

**emo dullard**

i cant believe you just made a legally blonde the musical reference 

**mr one sneeze man**

i cant believe you got my legally blonde the musical reference

**emo dullard**

of course i got your legally blonde the musical reference

who do you think i am??? a straight man?

**GAY RIGHTS**

assjfdjfknvjd

you are the embodiment of how dare you assume im straight

**emo dullard**

thats the biggest compliment you have ever given me

**GAY RIGHTS**

it was meant to be more neutral but okay

_**GAY RIGHTS** set the nickname of **emo dullard** to **over-inflated ego dullard**_

**over-inflated ego dullard  
**

BITCH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so with tiny werewolf guy, i was going to be like "a werepede if you will" and it took me way too long to read that out loud and go oh no no no that doesnt sound good


	13. goddamn it monty, we dont have room for all these glorias in our bungalow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been a while lads
> 
>  
> 
> this chapter is pretty short and not really plotty but ive had writers block for a while and like this is better than nothing

**gays rights bois**

 

**[20:58]**

**mr one sneeze man**

you know what sucks?

like really really really really really really really really really really really really sucks?

**GAY RIGHTS**

…

what

**mr one sneeze man**

i was expecting more enthusiasm tbh

**GAY RIGHTS**

well :/

**over-inflated ego dullard**

WHAT

**mr one sneeze man**

THANK

it sucks

a lot

that

in titanic

**GAY RIGHTS**

hurry up mr one sneeze man

**mr one sneeze man**

the poor person

jack

dies

because the rich person

rose

is hogging all the resources

THERE WAS ENOUGH ROOM ROSE

**over-inflated ego dullard**

woah

**GAY RIGHTS**

rose is a capitalist pass it on

**over-inflated ego dullard**

youve opened my third eye mr one sneeze man

**GAY RIGHTS**

which is ironic because the actress who played old rose was like a labour activist

**over-inflated ego dullard**

NERD

but seriously

jasper youve enlightened me

thank

**mr one sneeze man**

you

are

welcome

capitalism

sucks

**GAY RIGHTS**

we been knew

**over-inflated ego dullard**

we should reform society rn

**mr one sneeze man**

Yes.

i vote we start by domesticating sharks

**over-inflated ego dullard**

we start by what??

**mr one sneeze man**

by domesticating sharks

**GAY RIGHTS**

by domesticating sharks and rebuilding our entire society to fit around the sharks

this is basic marxism miller come on

**mr one sneeze man**

yeah come on mikker

**over-inflated ego dullard**

ah yes

i forgot about the shark chapter in the communist manifesto

**mr one sneeze man**

its literally point one chapter one but go off i guess

**over-inflated ego dullard**

i feel personally attacked

**GAY RIGHTS**

good

**mr one sneeze man**

good

**over-inflated ego dullard**

float you guys

**GAY RIGHTS**

you dont need to attack us just because you dont know your marxism, miller. i think that youre attacking us because youre insecure

**mr one sneeze man**

YOURE INSECURE

**over-inflated ego dullard**

fuk u muffy

**mr one sneeze man**

DONT KNOW WHAT FOR

**over-inflated ego dullard**

YOURE TURNING HEADS WHEN YOU WALK THROUGH THE DOO-OO-OOR

**mr one sneeze man**

DONT NEED MAKEUP

**over-inflated ego dullard**

TO COVER UP

**mr one sneeze man**

TO COVRE UP

BEING THE WAY YOU ARE IS ENOU-OU-OUGH

**over-inflated ego dullard**

EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ROOM CNA SEE IT

**mr one sneeze man**

EVERY1 ELSE BUT U

**over-inflated ego dullard**

BABY YOU LIGHT UP MY WORLD LIKE NOBODY ELSE

**GAY RIGHTS**

not that i dont appreciate this textual 1d serenade

**mr one sneeze man**

THE WAY THAT YOU FLIP YOUR HAIR GETS ME

**GAY RIGHTS**

but are we just going to ignore the fact that miller just called me mufy

**mr one sneeze man**

O V E R W H E L M E D

**over-inflated ego dullard**

BUT WHEN YOU SMILE AT THE GROUND

**mr one sneeze man**

yes

**over-inflated ego dullard**

IT AINT HARD TO TELL

**mr one sneeze man**

YOU DONT KNOW OH OH

**over-inflated ego dullard**

YOU DONT KNOW YOURE BEAUTIFUL

**mr one sneeze man**

IF ONLY YOU SAW WHAT I CAN SEE

YOULL UNDERSTAND WHY I WANT YOU SO DESPARATELY

**over-inflated ego dullard**

YOULL UNDERSTAND WHY I WANT YOU SO DESPERATELY

RIGHT NOW IM LOOKING AT YOU

**mr one sneeze man**

AND I CANT BELIEVE

**over-inflated ego dullard**

YOU DONT KNOW OH OH

**GAY RIGHTS**

…

**mr one sneeze man**

YOU DONT KNOW YOURE BEAUTIFUL OH OH

**GAY RIGHTS**

thats what makes you beautiful

**over-inflated ego dullard**

Y E S

**mr one sneeze man**

YES MUFI

**GAY RIGHTS**

mufi?

im not miss muffet you know

**mr one sneeze man**

no

youre muffy from arthur

**over-inflated ego dullard**

ARTHUR

MR RATBURN IS GAY

HE HAS A HUSBAND

**mr one sneeze man**

the queers are putting chemicals in the water to turn the rats gay

**over-inflated ego dullard**

YES JASPER

the true gaygenda

g a y  r a t s

**GAY RIGHTS**

i feel a lot of solidarity with mr ratburn

**mr one sneeze man**

G A Y  R A T S

**GAY RIGHTS**

i, too, am a gay rat

**over-inflated ego dullard**

youre more of a gay racoon but okay

**GAY RIGHTS**

you know what?

ill take it

gay rat and gay racoon solidarity

**mr one sneeze man**

our true agenda is turning the rats and racoons gay

**over-inflated ego dullard**

yes

yes it is

 

 

**[22:07]**

**shut your fuck up**

A lot has happened since I last checked this chat

And I wholeheartedly support the gay rats

And gay racoons

But like, I wanna know more about the Titanic lady

**GAY RIGHTS**

…

do you seriously want me to infodump about gloria stuart

because i will

shes a legend

**shut your fuck up**

Murphy

I specifically asked you to tell me more about her

I want you to infodump

**GAY RIGHTS**

seriously?

**shut your fuck up**

Yes

Tell me about Gloria Stuart

**GAY RIGHTS**

okay

so she lived to 100 and her career spanned from 1927 to 2004

she was in the invisible man and a bunch of other universal horror movies

she was also a fineprinter, painter and bonsai-tree-person

she was nominated for best supporting actress at the oscars for titanic

she was in the hollywood anti-nazi league

**mr one sneeze man**

hella cool

**GAY RIGHTS**

she was a political and environmental activist

she also co founded the screen actors guild

she attended berkeley and she wanted to join the young communist league but she was too young for it

she got expelled from grade school for kicking her teacher

and she said “to be honest, she deserved it”

**mr one sneeze man**

hella badass

**shut your fuck up**

Not to be desperate bi on main, but I love this woman and would let her kill me

**GAY RIGHTS**

oh big mood

she also did decoupage although i have no idea what that is

im sure she was great at it though

she was just a great woman overall

**shut your fuck up**

She sounds amazing

Thank you for the infodump

_**mr one sneeze man** has set the group chat name to **Gloria Stuart Fan Squad**_

**GAY RIGHTS**

y e s

**shut your fuck up**

I approve

**mr one sneeze man**

in this house

no

in this BUNGALOW

we support one (1) gloria

**GAY RIGHTS**

idk man

gloria estefan is pretty cool too

**shut your fuck up**

yeah

**mr one sneeze man**

in this bungalow, we stan two (2) glorias

**GAY RIGHTS**

i kinda stan viva la gloria by green day tbh

**mr one sneeze man**

in this bungalow, we stan three (3) glorias

**GAY RIGHTS**

gloria steinem is pretty cool also

she advocated for same sex marriage in 1970 and like retrateced some of her previous transphobic comments, apologised and said she supports trans people

“those lives should be celebrated, not questioned”

**mr one sneeze man**

i like this woman

in this bungalow, we stan four (4) glorias

**shut your fuck up**

What about Gloria Gaynor?

She’s the I Will Survive singer

**GAY RIGHTS**

i second this

**mr one sneeze man**

in this bungalow, we stand five (5) glorias

**shut your fuck up**

And Gloria Grahame

She was in Oklahoma!

**mr one sneeze man**

goddamn it monty, we dont have room for all these glorias in our bungalow

**shut your fuck up**

Then extend the bungalow bro

**mr one sneeze man**

you think i have enough potato to pay for an extension on the bungalow???

**GAY RIGHTS**

…

the bungabro

**mr one sneeze man**

you think i have enough potabro to pay for an extension on the bungabro???

**shut your fuck up**

Where is this bungalow?

**mr one sneeze man**

b u n g a b r o

**shut your fuck up**

Sorry

Where is this bungabro?

**mr one sneeze man**

cockermouth

**shut your fuck up**

What

**mr one sneeze man**

cockermouth

**GAY RIGHTS**

yeah we read it the first time jasper

that doesnt make it any clearer

**mr one sneeze man**

cockermouth

**shut your fuck**

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

**mr one sneeze man**

cockermouth

its a town in the north of england

**shut your fuck up**

Why is it called Cockermouth

**GAY RIGHTS**

and why do you have a bungabro full of glorias there

**mr one sneeze man**

it comes from the mouth of the river cocker monty

and murphy

why dont you

**GAY RIGHTS**

fair point

**shut your fuck up**

Yeah

I need sleep

 

* * *

 

 

**To: Bell <3**

**[02:02]**

**John Murphy**

ik its like 2am and not a time to text you but i just got an idea for a cool shot so im just gonna like type it out and send it you so i dont forget it but also sorry for the complete inconvenient time

i just had this image of like a shot from the characters perspective and theyre lyng in bed and looking up and their head is just under the curtain which is swaying because the window is open and the only sound is like a windchime but its a little off. and nothing happens for like thirty seconds maybe and then the character slowly closes their eyes and the screen fades to black and then theres like four (maybe) seconds of darkness and then like the characters’ eyes open so the screen comes back but its all lit up bright red and the camera like jumps and the screen gets redder and redder until its a deep red that covers the screen and then theres a title card, and its later reveaed that it was a murder and thats what we were all watching

again, sorry for texting you this at like 2am

 

 

**[07:58]**

**Bell <3**

dude

that is so cool

like such a good idea

oh my ghod

**John Murphy**

you think so?

really?

**Bell <3**

yeah!!!

im so happy im working with you

**John Murphy**

im really happy to be working with you too

* * *

 

**Gloria Stuart Fan Squad**

 

**[08:05]**

**GAY RIGHTS**

guys

i really like bellamy

like really

**over-inflated ego dullard**

we been knew honey

we been knew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my grandma had a bungalow and i wish it had been full of glorias


	14. can you not be efficient when roofying homeless people you kidnapped?

**Gloria Stuart Fan Squad**

 

**[19:07]**

**GAY RIGHTS**

its really upsetting to me that ill never be as productive as the rajneeshis

**over-inflated ego dullard**

the whom?

**GAY RIGHTS**

the rajneeshis

**shut your fuck up**

Did you just ask “the whom”?

**over-inflated ego dullard**

shut your fuck up

**shut your fuck up**

Yes?

**over-inflated ego dullard**

shut your fuck up

**shut your fuck up**

Yes?

**over-inflated ego dullard**

shut your fuck up mr my-texts-are-gramatically-correct

**shut your fuck up**

You’re insulting because I don’t purposefully go out of my way to ignore autocorrect?

I don’t text for aesthetic

I’m in a group chat not on tumblr

**GAY RIGHTS**

hes got you there

**over-inflated ego dullard**

you literally type like this

**GAY RIGHTS**

yeah but i dont do it because i think im cool

**over-inflated ego dullard**

then why the fuck else do you do it then

**GAY RIGHTS**

you sound angry nathan

do you need a cup of tea to calm you down?

**over-inflated ego dullard**

no

i need you to answer my question

**shut your fuck up**

Did you offer him a cup of tea to calm him down? Where is John Murphy and what did you do with him?

**GAY RIGHTS**

unfortunately hes still stuck in his rigid construct of self

and to answer your question, nathan, though i may not be able to leave my self-constructed construct of self, i can trick myself into feeling more individual by channelling the spirit of a feudal peasant as i text

**over-inflated ego dullard**

what

**shut your fuck up**

Why can your feudal peasant read?

**GAY RIGHTS**

because im still limited to my construct of self and construct of self can read

**shut your fuck up**

That’s fair

**over-inflated ego dullard**

yall need help

**mr one sneeze man**

we all do nathan

maybe then we can be as productive as the rajneeshis

whomever the fuck they are

murphy

whom the fuck they are

**GAY RIGHTS**

they were a sex cult who built a city in oregon and tried to poison people with blended badger

**shut your fuck up**

Well then

**mr one sneeze man**

and here i was thinking they were an obscure boyband

**GAY RIGHTS**

a 10000 member boy band that grew to include 500000 members

thats a big ass boy band

**mr one sneeze man**

the bigger you are, the larger you are

**GAY RIGHTS**

yes.

**shut your fuck up**

Why would you even try to poison people with blended badger?

How would that work?

**GAY RIGHTS**

idk

they were like badgers have bacteria, bacteria can harm persons, lets slaughter these badgers, blend them and put it in the water supply

it didnt work

**shut your fuck up**

Obviously

That’s not how it works.

**GAY RIGHTS**

i love that youre more focussed on that bit than the whole sex cult who Built A City thing

**over-inflated ego dullard**

i mean, dont most cults do that?

how hard can it be

**GAY RIGHTS**

no you dont get it nathan

most cults build a commune

the rajneeshis built a city

when i say they built a city

i mean THEY BUILT A CITY

they bought a bunch of land in the middle of oregon and just built a fucking city

they had a bank, they had a post office, they had a pizza place, they had irrigation and electricity, they had a stadium, they had solar panels, they had meditation studios, they had an airport

AN AIRPORT

they had a fucking airport and a private jet

side note have you ever seen a plane chase when the plane is on the ground because it was the funniest thing ive ever seen

**shut your fuck up**

Weren’t you meant to be researching for your film project with Bellamy?

**GAY RIGHTS**

yeah i was looking up true crime documentaries and got distracted

the rajneeshis are way more interesting than like murder documentaries

there was some attempted murder but i dont think they ever killed anyone

they did have like unlicensed guns and a poison lab but like no one died

jane tried to poison someone by stabbing them in the but

he was the bhagwans doctor

**over-inflated ego dullard**

theres a lot to unpack there

**shut your fuck up**

I have several questions

**GAY RIGHTS**

shoot

**shut your fuck up**

Who is Jane?

Who is the bhagwan?

Why was Jane trying to kill his doctor?

Why did they have a poison lab?

**GAY RIGHTS**

jane is a cult member who ended up more loyal to ma anand sheela because she got her to come to jesus grove at like 2am to wax her legs

jesus grove was sheelas house

**shut your fuck up**

I have more questions now

**mr one sneeze man**

whom shaved whoms legs? or did they shave together?

OR did jane shave her own legs and sheela watched? does sheela have a shaving kink?

**GAY RIGHTS**

jane shaved sheelas legs

i dont have the necessary resources to comment on whether or not ma anand sheela has a shaving kink

**mr one sneeze man**

schroedingers shaving kink

**GAY RIGHTS**

schroedingers ma anand sheela silvermans shaving kink

**shut your fuck up**

Who is Ma Anand Sheela?????

**GAY RIGHTS**

oh yeah

she was the bhagwans secretary but basically pulled all the strings and practically ran the entire cult because the bhagwan had a vow of silence at some point and then got swept up by some hollywood people including the ex wife of a dude who won an oscar for producing the godfather

turns out the bhagwan likes shiny things

**over-inflated ego dullard**

murphy

can you stop packing more into the suitcase right now?

were trying to unpack it and youre just shoving more and more in

**mr one sneeze man**

he asked leonard bernstein what to do and he told him to pack more

**shut your fuck up**

Who’s the bhagwan? Why did Hollywood people sweep him up?

**GAY RIGHTS**

he was the cult leader

at the end of every sentence, he would make a shhh noise

once put sheela in a coma for three days after her husband died as her “mourning process” and then sent her back to work

he dead now

sheelas still alive though, running a home for people with dementia in switzerland

also the bhagwan was also known as osho after he disbanded the cult so the fbi wouldnt like arrest him for like kidnapping homeless people and trying to kill people

**over-inflated ego dullard**

kidnapped whom now?

**GAY RIGHTS**

it didnt work though because him accusing sheela gave fbi access to their cult so the fbi could investigate and the first thing they saw when they got there was two people having sex on a bridge

they also found the secret tunnels under jesus grove

one of them had a jacuzzi

**mr one sneeze man**

you cant be a sex cult without a jacuzzi

**shut your fuck up**

Okay, I have a lot of questions, but first, why did Jane try to kill the bhagwans doctor?

**GAY RIGHTS**

because bhagwan decided he wanted to die so he asked his doctor to induce death on a specific date and then asked sheela hey yo can you build a mausoleum kinda thing oh and also i got a premonition that ill die soon, probably tomorrow, so yeah can you be pretty quick with that mausoleum

and sheela was just like well we better kill his doctor then so our cult leader doesnt die

so jane stabbed him in the ass

**over-inflated ego dullard**

w h a t

**GAY RIGHTS**

this was back when the hollywood people got him addicted to vallium and laughing gas

**over-inflated ego dullard**

W H A T

**GAY RIGHTS**

after this sheela fled with jane and most of antelopes council to germany after this so they wouldnt be excommunicated

**shut your fuck up**

Antelope?

**GAY RIGHTS**

thats the town they bought

**shut your fuck up**

They bought a town?

**over-inflated ego dullard**

i thought you said they built a city? why would they buy a town if they built a city?

**GAY RIGHTS**

basically they bought a shit ton of farmland next to antelope which was like a retirement town of 100 people in oregon and built a city there

they got officiated as a city because they had 154 people there to begin with

and then brought the other 9946 people over and sex cult had a city

but then this german guy made a movie about them

and the movie had like a lot of sex and a lot of nudity and simulated rape

and the movie was shown in the one (1) cinema in antelope and everyone was like what the  f u c k  is this cult and why have they moved in oh my god

so this dude who founded antelope got like a team of lawyers called like the pals of oregon or something i dont remember0

to find a way to get rid of them

he paid for it because he was super rich because he founded nike

and the lawyers argued that since it was farmland, you cant built a city on it

like you cant build a bank on a ranch, this building is illegal, you need to remove it

and sheelas like well you can try but you cant stop us

i will paint the bulldozers with my blood

actual quote from her

so the rajneeshis were like well if you wont let us steamroll up and over and build a city, well just buy all the properties in antelope

they also like spied on antelope people in a helicopter

they had a helicopter by the way

and when people were like um no this is my house, they showed up in the middle of the night and flashed torches at their windows to scare them into selling

and then antelope were like okay were gonna disband the town council and then were not a town and then you cant have our town

and sheela was like bitch what

and got enough rajneeshi people on the council to vote against it so they owned the town

first thing they did: legalised nude sunbathing

also like when the rajneeshis moved into antelope, all the locals complained because all they ever heard was the rajneeshis fucking

some lady described it as “people having orgasmic experiences all day and all night”

oh and they tried to take over the county as well but their kidnapping homeless people plan failed

**shut your fuck up**

There’s so much to unpack there, I think we’d need a removal team

**over-inflated ego dullard**

the founder of nike fought against a sex cult?

w h a t

**mr one sneeze man**

they had a movie?

**GAY RIGHTS**

yeah, it was called ashram in poona

it was filmed secretly in one of their dynamic meditation sessions

**over-inflated ego dullard**

dynamic meditation?

**GAY RIGHTS**

its a weird meditation thing you do that involves hyperventilating, sitting in silence, dancing around and then jumping up and down and going WHO WHO WHO

you can be naked during it

**mr one sneeze man**

*WHOM WHOM WHOM

**GAY RIGHTS**

idk if thats a requirement but theyre naked in ashram in poona

its kinda horrible honestly

not fun to watch

**mr one sneeze man**

why would you make yourself hyperventilate while meditating? isnt meditation meant to be calming

**GAY RIGHTS**

idk

guess they do things differently in sex cults

**shut your fuck up**

Question

Why did they kidnap homeless people to try and take over a county?

**GAY RIGHTS**

because in oregon, you can register to vote if you were born in america and had lived in oregon for 20 days

so sheela like lets scour the entire country coast to coast to “house” these homeless people so they can vote for rajneeshi people to get on our council

but then some government person was like i think people are trying to commit voter fraud so im going to do a blanket rejection of any new registrations soz

and then the bhagwan was like sheela girl your plan failed

and sheelas like shit what do we do with all these homeless people weve kidnapped? we have no use for them

and the homeless people are pissed because they were promised the ability to vote

so sheelas like fuck it and roofies all the homeless people, throws them a rave and then like a bit later, they basically dropped them off in random oregonian cities because apparently they were engaging in too much “hanky panky” and “hanky panky”s not allowed anymore

**over-inflated ego dullard**

hanky panky?

that sounds like something jasper would say

**GAY RIGHTS**

this is when the poisonings started because they were like well shit were gonna lose the election and sheelas like well fuck it, ive already kidnapped people and beat the founder of nike, might as well start poisoning government officials and all the non-cult townspeople

so they sent poisoned chocolates to them

**mr one sneeze man**

i definitely would

**GAY RIGHTS**

they wanted a mass outbreak of poisoning because you cant vote if youre poisoned

or if youre dead

**mr one sneeze man**

you know me so well nathan

wait

they legit like used biological warfare?

to win a county council election?

in oregon?

**GAY RIGHTS**

yeah

they didnt win

**over-inflated ego dullard**

they tried to poison the entire county and they didnt even win

**GAY RIGHTS**

yep

they kept the poisonings up after though

if sheela didnt like you, she poisoned you

once poisoned someone because she was jealous that the woman had the job of picking up the roses that were thrown at the bhagwan

**shut your fuck up**

How have I never heard of this before?

**GAY RIGHTS**

idk man

they had like 500000 members worldwide and were worth like 6 million dollars. there was merch and stuff and book deals and shit. it was really big

sheela was even on like talk shows and stuff like the merv griffin show

theres an interview with her where the dude is like “so your leader is the free sex dude” and shes like “well we dont charge for it if thats what you mean”

also someone asked her what she says to people who dont like the rajneeshis and she legit says “what can i say? tough titties”

**over-inflated ego dullard**

tough titties?

**GAY RIGHTS**

tough titties

**shut your fuck up**

What the fuck happened? Why aren’t they still a thing?

**GAY RIGHTS**

well they committed immigration fraud and marriage fraud and attempted murder and because bhagwan gave access to them in an attempt to get sheela arrested for stopping his euthanasia attempt, still not sure why he wanted that, the fbi was able to get enough on them to like arrest them

and then after a low speed airplane chase because they forgot to fuel up before they fled so they had to stop in maryland to refuel before continuing to the bahamas, they arrested him

the news footage of it is insane

the fbi figured out where they were going and were there in advance so they couldnt refuel but didnt have enough fuel to take off so they just drove down the runway at like 4 miles per hour while the fbi followed in a car

its so funny

also when they ran out of fuel, the fbi stormed the plane and the bhagwan was just like hiding behind his seat, hoping they wouldnt catch him

also he fled with his throne

didnt remember to get enough fuel but remembered the throne

**mr one sneeze man**

#priorities

**GAY RIGHTS**

sheela and her group didnt make it to switzerland in time so they were extradited to the us and arrested

they deported bhagwan back to india and then he died

and the cult was disbanded

antelope is back to normal

i think rajneeshi is still a thing but idk

**shut your fuck up**

What, from the bottom of my heart, the fuck?

**GAY RIGHTS**

idk dude idk

its insane

but like as evil as they all were and how many immoral things they did, you have to admit that they were very efficient and very good at what they did

**over-inflated ego dullard**

i mean

can you not be efficient when roofying homeless people you kidnapped?

**GAY RIGHTS**

idk nathan can you

**shut your fuck up**

When did this happen?

**GAY RIGHTS**

back in the like the 80s and 90s

you know, one good thing about them is that they werent homophobic.

they were cool if you were queer

**mr one sneeze man**

sex cult said gay rights

**over-inflated ego dullard**

can a sex cult not say that please?

**shut your fuck up**

I second that

**GAY RIGHTS**

lmao fair

**shut your fuck up**

Side note, did you get any work done for your film project or did you just learn about a sex cult who cull badgers, take over towns and went toe to toe with Nike?

**GAY RIGHTS**

i made like a page of notes on a ted bundy documentary but then i got pissed about everyone letting him off and treating him like he wasnt a serial rapist and murderer and talking about good and pretty he was so i went down a rabbit hole and ended up here

**shut your fuck up**

That’s valid

**GAY RIGHTS**

thank

**shut your fuck up**

Aren’t you skyping with Bellamy tonight to compare notes?

**GAY RIGHTS**

yes?

**mr one sneeze man**

WAIT

MURPHYS SKYPING BELLAMY?

**GAY RIGHTS**

yes?

**over-inflated ego dullard**

gay

**GAY RIGHTS**

yes

**shut your fuck up**

What are you going to do when he asks you about your notes since you don’t have any because you fell down a sex-cult-shaped rabbit hole?

**GAY RIGHTS**

its cool, ill just improvise. ive watched many a true crime documentary

**over-inflated ego dullard**

sounds pretty gay to me

**GAY RIGHTS**

i mean

im pretty

and im gay

so yes

**mr one sneeze man**

are we all just going to ignore the phrase “sex-cult-shaped rabbit hole”

because id like to make a formal complaint if we do

because we need to not

because SEX-CULT-SHAPED RABBIT HOLE

_**GAY RIGHTS** has set the nickname of **shut your fuck up** ’ to **sex-cult-shaped rabbit hole**_

**sex-cult-shaped rabbit hole**

I hate you guys

**over-inflated ego dullard**

thats fair

 

 

**[01:02]**

**GAY RIGHTS**

update

im still gay for bellamy

**mr one sneeze man**

what else is new?

**over-inflated ego dullard**

you sent a message like this yesterday

**GAY RIGHTS**

im just really gay for him okay?

**over-inflated ego dullard**

wait

i have an idea

 

* * *

 

**[01:08]**

_**Nathan Miller** has created **a chat where murphy can periodically tell us how gay he is for bellamy** with **Jasper Jordan, John Murphy** and **Monty Green**_

_**Nathan Miller** has set his nickname to **lord nathan of the gays**_

_**Nathan Miller** has set the nickname of **Jasper Jordan** to **sir jasper of the trans bees**_

_**Nathan Miller** has set the nickname of **Monty Green** to **baron monty of the queer farm**_

_**Nathan Miller** has set the nickname of **John Murphy** to **feudal peasant murphy of bellamy blake**_

**feudal peasant murphy of bellamy blake**

ahshdsfhbsdbhghbshgdf nathan why

thank you but why

**lord nathan of the gays**

it was needed

**sir jasper of the trans bees**

feudal peasant murphy of bellamy blake makes it sound like bellamy owns murphy

**lord nathan of the gays**

i mean….

**feudal peasant murphy of bellamy blake**

he owns my heart

**sir jasper of the trans bees**

thats so gay

**lord nathan of the gays**

youre a sappy motherfucker Johnathon

**sir jasper of the trans bees**

dont you mean

a sappy bear-fucker

bear like bearllamy like bellamy?

**feudal peasant murphy of bellamy blake**

that makes it sound like im a furry which im not

**lord nathan of the gays**

it also makes you sound like a twink which you are

**feudal peasant murphy of bellamy blake**

nathan i swear to god

**lord nathan of the gays**

bellamys not a bear though

hes more of like a

twunk

**feudal peasant murphy of bellamy blake**

okay nope im done

im going to sleep

bad night you yeehaw fuckers

**sir jasper of the trans bees**

bad night you yeehaw fuckers

ashvsbhdgbshbrgbr

 

 

**[07:02]**

**baron monty of the queer farm**

Why do we have two group chats now?

**lord nathan of the gays**

this one is exclusively for murphy telling us how gay he is for bellamy

**baron monty of the queer farm**

Okay then

I’d ask, but we unpacked so much yesterday that I think I might just toss the suitcase instead

**feudal peasant murphy of bellamy blake**

thats fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how this became so much about the rajneeshi people but yall i fell down a sex-cult-shaped rabbit hole and youre all coming with me apparently   
> if you wanna know more about it because it is yeehaw fuckhell wild, the documentary i watched was wild wild country. warning: theres a lawyer in it who does not stop crying the entire time, he just cant stop. dude needs to hydrate.   
> also the podcast true crime obsessed did a good cover of it too if youd rather listen than like listen and watch

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this mess 
> 
> come use outdated memes with me on [tumblr](https://cosmo-k-i-d.tumblr.com/%22)  
> 


End file.
